Love Yourself: Suga | The Last

Fourteen

The past couple days have gone by so uneventfully that I almost forget I'm living with the biggest boyband on the planet. I've had work everyday and BTS has been running around to various meetings, so we've hardly interacted with one another. None of them have said anything, but I know the reason they're probably dealing with a bunch of grief is because of me. They had abandoned their tour to come back to Korea and so now they were working hard to make it up to their fans.

Their busy schedules make me feel kind of normal for once. The less I see them, the more I feel like my plain, boring self.

Suga and I have barely talked since Saturday night when he found me sitting outside in the cold. We text every here and there, but haven't had an actual conversation in days. He blames it on the busy schedules but I also haven't been proactive in trying to talk to him.

The truth is that I'm trying to distant myself little by little. I don't belong in a world of fancy clothes, screaming crowds, and heart-pounding passion for music. Suga deserves better than me and I've told myself that repeatedly these past couple days. So now I just have to build up the courage to leave and be on my own for once.

It's been exactly one week since I tried to kill myself. The thought is bleak, but it lingers in my mind constantly, reminding me of my weakness. Maybe things would have been easier if I were successful.

Is that what Ji thought? I force my thoughts away from Ji. I had told myself to stop focusing on his death and to focus more on my own life. It's difficult, but I'll never get anywhere if I keep thinking about it constantly.

It's late afternoon and I'm lounging in the living room alone. The tv is on but I'm not really watching it anymore. I didn't have work today so I spent most of the day not moving from this couch. BTS had waved their goodbyes in the early morning so that they could attend another meeting with the company, which just left me alone with my thoughts.

My phone rings and I glance at the caller ID. I grab the remote and silence the TV, bringing my phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Suga's voice says back. "What are you doing right now?"

I glance around me. There's a half eaten bowl of popcorn that I made earlier. The blanket I dragged from the room is on the other end of the couch.

"I'd say nothing, but that makes me seem boring. So I'll say I'm working out my couch sitting skills," I answer back. He laughs and I can imagine him dropping his grin to the ground. I smile. "Why, what is Mister Superstar doing?"

"Thinking about you," he replies without missing a single beat.

"W-what?" I stutter, almost positive that he must have misspoke.

"Meet me outside in fifteen minutes."

"Are you alright?"

"Did you hear what I said?" He asks. I can hear a car starting in the background.

"Um...are you sure you have the right number?"

He breathes out and I can hear a hint of laughter playing at his tone. "Hana. Just meet me outside in fifteen. I'll explain things later."

"But-"

"Goodbye, Hana," Suga says and then my phone clicks.

I drop my phone to my lap, staring at it with my mouth wide open. What the hell just happened? We go days without really talking and then suddenly he's telling me to be ready in fifteen minutes?

I have half the mind to ignore him and just sit here on the couch and pretend like none of it just took place. Whatever just happened was not normal.