Love Yourself: Suga | The Last

Ten

-Suga's POV-

"Because it's all my fault. Everything. And he didn't deserve to die." The words leave my mouth and I know by the way Hana's eyes widen that she knows I'm talking about her brother Ji.

She pulls her hand away from me now and I let go of it, dropping my hand back into my lap. She looks at me with confusion in her eyes, her small mouth falling open just a little bit. I want to clear the look from her face.

Please don't hate me, I silently beg her. I already hate myself enough.

"W-what do you mean your fault?" She stutters out. "I don't understand what game you're trying to play here, Suga," she says, quietly, her voice barely filling the room.

I shake my head, my heart aching. The memories fill my mind and I want to push them away like I've been doing for the last couple years, but I don't. Instead, I breathe out deeply and look at the girl I know I'm about to lose.

"I'm not playing any game, Hana. Ji and I were friends years ago. He was my best friend actually," I admit to her, impressed with her still reaction.

Hana watches me with calm brown eyes and it almost worries me, but then she gets to her feet in an instant. Her hands are shaking now as she clenches her small hands into fists. She looks conflicted between running out of the door and never looking back at me versus staying in my studio and talking things out.

"Hana-" I start.

"You're lying," she cuts in, shaking her head. She starts pacing in the small space and I rub a hand down my face, exhausted. "You said that you would be completely honest with me, Suga. Why are you trying to make me look like a fool?"

"I'm not trying to make you look like a fool and I'm not lying to you, Hana. Please, just sit down. I thought this is what you wanted to talk about?"

"No! No, this isn't what I wanted to talk about at all!" Hana yells suddenly, turning to me with tears in her eyes. My heart pangs at the sight, but I stay still in my seat, my expression even. "I wanted to talk about you and me, not Ji," her voice breaks when she says his name.

I can't sit still anymore. Her words feel like daggers in my heart and the tears that fill her eyes are little salt particles burning my wounds. I stand up and she looks at me with panicked, wide eyes.

"Hana," I reach out to her, trying to take her hand in mine again, but she moves away.

"Do not touch me, Suga. I don't do well with contact and you know that," she says desperately, backing herself up further. She holds her hand between us and I have half the mind to take it, to say screw it, but instead I just force myself to keep my hands at my side.

"You wanted the full honest truth and I'm trying to give that to you. Please, just hear me out," I beg her. I bring my hands up now, looking at her with what I hope is an earnest expression. "Hana, please, I can't lose you too. Let me explain."

I step towards her again and she mirrors me, stepping backwards once more. I stop.

Hana looks so small and innocent in Jimin's pajamas. Her back is against the wall now as she tries to put more space between us. I scold myself for not being able to control my emotions and paint a passive look onto my face. I stay still, not moving any closer to her. Her chest rises and falls heavily and I can tell she's trying to not have a full breakdown right now. Her brown hair falls to cover half her face and I want to push the strands away so I can see her clearly.

I think she's going to turn around and just leave the studio, but instead she breathes out and looks up at me with tear-filled brown eyes. "No games?" She whispers. The look she gives me buries itself deep in the pit of my stomach.