Love Yourself: Suga | The Last

Two

The sun has not quite risen completely when my eyes slowly blink open. I'm surprised to note how calm I am despite knowing what today holds for me. I sit up in bed and look around the room that will stop being mine today. My white and pink theme of the room are out of place now, replaced by dark clothing and even darker thoughts. Stuffed animals that I shoved into one giant box sit in a corner of the room. A small table with a desk lamp and my laptop sit beside it. My work uniform that I wore yesterday is just littered across the room with the few other sets that I have. I guess I won't be needing those anymore.

I pick up my phone beside me and turn it on. As I wait the few seconds that it takes for it to start up, I stare down at my bare legs. I should have put in the minimal effort to at least put my pajamas on last night. My fingers reach down and trace along one of my recent scars across the top of my thigh. A couple days ago I had a breakdown and the only thing I felt comfort in was the stinging pain of a razor against my skin. Adding another scar to my body didn't matter to me, I already had more than I could count.

My phone buzzes multiple times and I pick up to notice the large number of texts sitting in my inbox. They're all from the same person and I know they all probably say the same thing. I don't open any of the text messages before I delete the entire thread. Whatever he has to say, I don't care to hear it. There's no changing my mind anymore.

I get up and reach over to turn on my radio. Before I leave this room I'm going to pack up my stuff and make it look like I actually left like my mother told me to last night. I want to make sure it looks like I'm no longer here. She wants me gone? I'll leave. Maybe she'll be able to find peace again without me around.

"- slight chance of rain tomorrow in the central areas of Korea. It's forcasted to be slightly cloudy today, but it shouldn't stop folks from roaming around today. Hopefully the skies will clear up before tonight so that everyone can see the full moon!" A cheery man's voice comes from the radio as I wander around my room cleaning.

I stopped listening to a lot of music when my brother died. He was trying his best to become an Idol in the KPOP world, but died before he could become anything great. Ever since then, I stopped listening to music because it made me think of him.

"For news in the entertainment side of things, it is rumored that one of the famous stars of international KPOP group BTS has decided to leave earlier than his other members. He was last seen early this morning at an airport. None of the other members were with him and fans have started worrying about a potential break up." The guy laughs and you can hear him getting closer to the microphone. "For all you crazy ARMY fans out there, I assure you there is nothing to worry about. There's no way that he'd call it quits when they're this big. Now that would be crazy."

The talk about BTS doesn't particularly interest me, but I do listen to it. Last I heard about BTS was that they were in some other country trying to promote their new hit single Fake Love. I've heard the song play on the radio at my work's store, but I haven't bothered to learn the lyrics. Most of the time at work I spend trying to drown the music out by listening to the constant beep beep of the register's scanner.

The radio starts playing music and I wander over to change the station, not interested in listening to anything more than the droning voices of radio talkshow hosts.

"Suga of BTS has been spotted in Korea. At least we know he's safe and sound-," a woman's overly excited voice screeches through the radio and I switch the channel again.

"Other group members have been seen boarding flights as well, probably to follow their member home to-."

Switch.

"Another day of wondering if BTS is on the verge of breaking-."

Switch. Honestly, is there anything other than BTS on the radio? I know who they are and could name them if they were in front of me, but their lives don't interest me. They're all living out their dreams of being heart throbs and Idols across the world. They're living the dream that my brother could only fantasize about.