Love Yourself: Suga | The Last

Four

The doctor doesn't even spend five minutes examining me before he signs a form and says I can leave. The way he just runs out of the room immediately makes me wonder if there's another person in the hospital who actually needs some attention. It makes me feel a little selfish knowing that my attempt to take my life could have caused someone else to lose theirs. 

Suga waits outside of the room while I change back into my normal clothing. I stare at the scars up and down my thighs as I pull on my dark jeans, trying to not hesitate too much in covering them up. I put on my jacket, anxious to cover back up my scarred arms that I've previously used as a cutting board. I wince when I stretch my bruised shoulder, having to take a second to catch my breath again. 

A soft knock comes from the door as I'm tying my shoes. My fingers are fumbling with the strings as I can't bend my arm well with the pain. 

"Hana, we really have to be going now. I just got a text from Jungkookie saying there's a crowd forming again outside," Suga says from the other side of the door. I can see his shadow pacing back and forth outside. 

"Okay, doors open," I call back, trying to finish up with my untied shoelaces. I'm just about to give up when a second pair of hands push mine away. "Oh. Thank you," I mumble, feeling useless. I'm not used to people doing things for me. I never give them the chance to get close enough to do so. 

Suga finishes quickly and we both get to our feet. He grabs my backpack and slings it on his back. "Got everything?" He asks me. 

I glance around the empty room. Everything I could possibly need was already packed away. "Yeah, everything's in the backpack. I'm ready."

Suga nods and walks out of the room. He pulls up the hood on his jacket and turns to me quickly. "You might want to put your hood on as well. I'm not sure how many people are around," he says. 

I put on my hood and we start walking down the hallway. I watch Suga's back as we walk, trying to match his pace but he manages to walk faster than I can. I frown at the thought of him having to learn how to walk briskly with his head down to avoid large crowds. I think about my brother and the life he wanted. Would he walk like Suga with his head down and covered? Or would he walk around proudly, eager to show the world his face. 

Suga's phone rings and he brings his phone up to his ear. "Jungkookie, we are almost out right now. The front. Where are you guys?" He pauses to wait for the response. He stops walking and I stand behind him. I can't hear what's being said on the other side of the line, but he frowns and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Ah. Ah." He nods. "Head back to the dorms. I'll catch up later. No. No. Yes, I told you both, I'm not leaving her alone out here."

I feel awkward listening in on his conversation. I didn't ever want to be a burden on someone, especially not Suga. 

Suga breathes out heavily and nods again. "Fine. Okay, got it. I'll see you there. Thanks." He shoves his phone back in his pocket. "Well, I hope you're okay with walking a bit," he says, trying to give me a small smile. 

I shrug, still feeling very out of place. "I could use some fresh air." 

"Good," he says before walking again. "Then follow me." 

He turns down another hallway and I realize we aren't going to the front of the hospital. He reads a couple signs on the walls before choosing the path to walk. I just stay quiet and follow him, trusting him like I have for the past three years. We basically have to walk back to where we started before heading down a couple more long hallways. I pick up my pace a bit to walk beside him and he glances at me. 

"You doing okay?" He asks me. 

"I think so. A little banged up, but hey, I'm not dead right?!" I give a poor attempt at finger gunning him which only causes his eyebrows to push together. I could probably die of literal embarrassment. "Sorry, bad joke, I guess."