Blood Lust

Chapter Six🖤

Dear Ethan,

I guess I'll start with I am sorry.
I am so sorry.

Since the day we first met, I've changed a lot. I'm not the Alexa that you saw in the woods. I will never be that Alexa again. I know that doesn't justify my actions towards you but maybe this will...

Growing up I was always on the sidelines of things.

Always last to be picked for a team.

Always excluded from plans with my "friends"

Always invisible to everyone.

Life hit me hard from a young age and I had to mature quicker than others.

Everyone I knew would be going to the mall like normal teenagers or throwing massive parties on the weekend.

Where was I?

I was scrubbing tables in an old café, I was working the day away for money. I was a 15 year old doing adult things.

I knew my mum was struggling to pay the bills for our house, so I had to get a job.
I brought home the money to help with anything I could. But she would constantly leave.

Every month she got called out on a 'Business Trip' and would disappear for weeks, leaving me alone in a house with debts that never seemed to end. Apparently after going she would have enough money to pay the rent, the bills, buy the food and I could go back to living my life as a teenager. I would finally be able to escape the role I was taking on everyday to survive.

When she came back there was no money and I had to continue earning for the both of us.

After meeting you and Grayson in the woods. It felt like an adventure. I forgot about work and the debt. My time was being taken over something I looked forward to.

You helped me forget about my normal life where I struggled everyday with things that shouldn't have bothered me until I was an adult.

I felt free.

I was free.

It was a feeling I haven't felt since I was little and now I have it I don't want to let it go, which is the reason I've gone.

Having you or grayson tell me what to do, it made me feel trapped and I'd rather be dead than let that happen, again .

I've decided that I'm just a huge complication in your life.

So I've left.

I've gone somewhere I can do exactly as I want.

Only I can tell me what to do.

If you ever come across me, know that I will be different.

I'm turning off the thing that makes me feel remorse, grief, sadness, happiness.

I am turning of the thing that makes me feel anything.

But before I do that I want to say I am sorry more than anything.

I never meant to hurt you.

Hopefully one day you will forgive me.

                       Love Alexa x