The Catalyst

I been searching for an answer

A/N: Hello all lovely people. Sorry, it took me so long to write this chapter. Guess I should apologize now that there's no smut? xD My next one to write is 'In My Remains'. And yes I know I skipped 'Until It Breaks', will do that hopefully next week.

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"Brad, we need to talk", Rob sighed and sat down next to him.


The other blinked, weirded out that Rob wanted to talk. "Uhm... You want to talk?"


"Yes. About you."


Brad chuckled crossing his legs and turning to face the other. "And for a second I thought you want to open up."


"You know I don't do that", Rob rolled his eyes. "About the other day. The sex."


"Oh! Sure we can talk about sex", Brad wiggled his eyebrow and laughed.


"No, that... For fuck's sake Brad. Be serious for one second", the other groaned.


"Okay okay... What's on your mind?" Brad sighed and get closer. He hadn't still gotten used to the fact that the others knew about them and they didn't need to hide. Being so close to the living room couch felt good too, not only weird.


"The thing is. I will get shit thrown at me when they notice the bruises."


"Uhm... First of all... When they notice? You are assuming they will? Secondly, so fucking what? They would get it when I explain it", Brad frowned.


"Yes, they will notice. Eventually. Look at your wrists. Still. And it has been days", Rob sighed. He really didn't want to have this conversation but it seemed like Brad was in somewhat denial.


"Are you... Rob seriously. Don't take that away from me", Brad bit down to his lip not liking any of this. The last thing he wanted was to stop their thing. He had never felt like he did with Rob. It made him excited and happy, everything at the same time. "It's perfectly fine."


"Yes. For you. And for me, since it's fine for you. And the choking too", Rob cringed.


Brad shook his head. "So you are saying you don't like it?"


"No. You know that. I love it. But if you can't even breathe properly when I touch you...", the drummer said and shifted closer.


"But..." Brad mumbled.


The other sighed and leaned to kiss him. Brad yielded just so easily, pushing against the other. Cupping the face Rob smiled to the kiss, still trying to get used to the feeling that Brad was like that with him. But that wasn't his intention now. Spreading his fingers around the throat he managed to get the exact reaction he needed. Brad gasped for air. Same time he seemed to be perfectly submitting and melting, and tensing up. Rob knew his grip wasn't too tight at all. It hadn't been that even the last time. But since Brad was actually getting so aroused that he held his breath they needed to do something for it. Pulling away he stared at the hazy eyes and the tongue that darted to lick the soft lips. Brad swallowed then, trying to fill his lungs with the air.


"See. I told you so. Point made", Rob sighed and let his hand drop.


Brad groaned. "That's unfair. You set me up."


"Didn't. We need to work on that."


"And what does that mean?", Brad mumbled. The unsureness was slowly invading him, and he didn't like that his most favorite thing was being taken away from him. Or that it felt like now.


"I don't know. But we will figure it out", Rob stared at him still seriously. He knew that Brad could turn anything upside down, and he needed him to understand what he was actually saying.


"Okay. Does that mean you're not stopping... uhm, our thing. Cause that's... You know how much I like it." Brad felt his cheeks flush.


"No. Couldn't take it away from you. But you need to figure out how you explain it to others. They won't get it. Oh... Chester will. But the others won't."


"Right. Okay. So can we now have sex?"


"For fuck's sake Brad", Rob laughed swatting the hand away that was about to grab his shirt, "Not now. I need to go. Later."


"Mmm, was that a promise?" Brad breathed the familiar stir in his stomach appearing again.


"Maybe", Rob smirked and kissed him before he got up.


Brad watched as the other got ready and left and then he crashed on the couch sighing heavily, contently. He was just ecstatic that they had managed to get to that point where they were. He sure didn't like the talk itself. It was weird. But then again maybe Rob was right. Maybe that was exactly the thing. Cause he knew what he liked. And Rob knew what he liked. But talking about it wasn't really their forte. Now he just needed to think how to explain the bruises. Cause there would be those in the future too. And Rob was right too when he said that Chester would get it. Which gave him the idea to talk with him first. If Chester would understand, he might have been able to explain it to the others. He didn't know exactly what the sex had been like with Rob and Chester, but he was pretty sure that what he had with Rob was their thing only. But Chester knew Rob better than the others, and his style to handle all things open-mindedly was certainly helpful.


"Uhm, why are you looking so weird?" he asked when Mike stumbled in squinting his eyes.


"Pinkeye. Fucking pinkeye", Mike groaned forcing himself to ignore the urge to not rub the eye.


"Oh. That's too bad."


"Yeah. Sucks big-time. Just got from the doctor though", Mike mumbled. "So, what's up?"


Brad shook his head not wanting to talk about what was the first thing on his mind. "Nothing really. Rob just left to work and I have nothing to do. Where's Ches?"


"Work. He should be here soon", Mike nodded.


Thinking about Chester made him smile. Just really everything about him. The last few days they had just cuddled a lot. Nothing serious, nothing too difficult. But Mike felt like they still needed to talk. The fact that they really didn't talk was weird. He didn't know what exactly was there buried behind the façade of Chester's craziness that just masking all the real stuff underneath, but he needed to find it out.


"Kay", Brad just nodded. Same time he was excited to hear about what Chester had to say and also reluctant to tell about their thing. It was weird that just a while ago they had so hard to try to keep it all as a secret with Rob. "So what's the thing between you and him? I haven't get figured it out. You seem to be glued to each other from time to time, but then again I feel that you aren't really that close." A quick change of subject, to turn his thoughts elsewhere.


"Oh... Yeah. I don't know. I have tried to get him open up, but there's something hidden really deep that prevents him from doing it. I don't necessarily need to know what it is. Like... I know it must be something he doesn't want to talk about. Probably just the past experience with guys that haven't been that good. I wish he will though, someday. But I can wait. Just... in the meantime, he needs to let the guard down. I feel like he is always so careful of what he does. You know? Like he doesn't tell what he actually feels and thinks and just masks it under the bouncing craziness", Mike threw his hands in the air. It was just a beginning, but he knew he couldn't live like that. If there wasn't anything real to grasp onto that wasn't his type of relationship then.


"I know. I certainly do. That's Rob. Oh let's forget the craziness though", Brad chuckled sarcastically. "Try to talk with him? He might need more reassuring that it's okay to open up."


Mike was just about to say that he agrees but doesn't really know how, when the door opened and Chester popped in. He kicked his shoes off and greeted them. Then, before doing anything else he made to put the coffee maker ready.


"So, what's up? Whoa, what's wrong with your eye?" he approached them and gasped then when he saw Mike's red eye.


"Just pink eye. I already saw the doctor."


"Oh poor thing. I need to kiss it better", the black haired male leaned to stroke his hand.


"Ches, could we talk for a second?" Brad decided it was just better to do it now than later.


"Sure. But can we please wait until I got the coffee? I'm dead tired and feel like my brains don't work", the other chuckled.


"Okay I'll go to do some homework", Mike nodded.


Chester gave Mike a glance with a smile on his lips as he left. Brad pulled his legs to his chest and listened to the coffee maker do its job. In just a while Chester was sitting next to him with the coffee cup on his hands.


"So! What do you want to talk about?"


"Uhm. Sex."


"Oh... Okay. Why don't you talk with Rob about it?" Chester chuckled. "Not that I mind, just wondered."


"Just... a certain issue that we felt like... I thought I should talk about it and use you as a bumper if the others find out."


"Now that is... Just spill it out cause I have no idea where this is going."


Brad rolled his eyes. Not his style to talk about his sex life with his friends but Chester was Chester. It couldn't get more casual than that. So he just pushed the bracelets up on his arm and showed the bruises. "Our thing. I like it rough. But the problem is that I can't hide the bruises forever."


"Oh kinky... I don't see any problem there", Chester shrugged sipping his coffee.


"You don't cause you are you. But imagine Mike. Or Joe! Dave would probably get it later, but them... They will just think that Rob is using me or something weird cause their view in sex is... way fluffier. Or I assume so since they are... You know... Imagine... Okay let's rather not imagine it", Brad blinked at the vision that came to his mind. "But my point is, it's our thing but I don't want them to think badly about Rob. About me they can think anything, I don't really care. But he... just... don't think it's good."


"Okay. I think they will understand eventually. You love each other and it's perfectly consensual and makes you both happy."


"I knew you would get it! Yeah, we do. And it makes me so, so happy. So should I just tell them like this?"


"Or maybe don't tell. It's none of their business right? So maybe explain if they notice the bruises", Chester shrugged. For him it didn't matter. He was just happy that Rob and Brad were loving each other and having fun. That what makes life worth living for.


"Well that's true too. Okay. I'll do that. This was just awkward enough for me", Brad cringed.


"But keep the bracelets. They suit you perfectly", Chester let his friendly smile spread on his lips.


Brad glanced at his wrists pushing them back down and shook his head smiling. "Sure. Now you go, Mike wanted to talk with you too."


"What is it with all the talking? This talk just got me horny. Oh, maybe...", the other said and then it was like a lamp lighting up above his head when he got an idea and skipped upstairs leaving his almost empty coffee cup on the table.


Brad let out a laughter, delighted that Chester was so easy going. Now he just needed to wait for Rob and tell him the news. He got to his feet, went to pour a cup of coffee too and headed to the garage to play the guitar. The best thing to do to kill the time. Besides the sex.


Meanwhile inside at the house Chester had laid on Mike's mattress staring him working with the schoolwork he had. "So, you had something to talk about too?"


"Oh. He said that? Damn... I wasn't really thinking to do it today. But okay. Guess we should then", Mike sighed and stopped what he was doing letting the pen drop on the table.


Chester patted the mattress and Mike joined him.


"Hi."


"Hi..."


"As I told to Brad too, just spill it out", Chester raised his eyebrow and shifted.


"I... don't know where to start. Your history. That... darkness. The demons. I would like to know more about them", Mike cringed scared of the reaction.


"No you don't", Chester mumbled and by instinct tried to back away but Mike had already arms around him. Gently, trying to coax him to talk.


"Yes, I do. How can I help to carry the weight when I can't be prepared for how heavy it is?"


Chester nibbled the lip ring. He was scared. Mostly cause Mike really knew nothing about him. And that actual thing could just destroy all they had. Which wasn't that much yet, especially since he had tried to push aside the feelings that had arisen.


"You should try a career as a poet. That's some smart shit right there", he mumbled again, unsure now should he just tell it all as it was or try to soften the fall a little.


"Mm... Maybe. So. What has happened?" Mike tried to keep his thoughts organized but the way Chester was looking at him was really getting under his skin. There was the normal playfulness in his eyes but then the darkness under was now really showing.


Chester swallowed hard and turned his gaze away. Mike was looking at him too rigorously, scrutinizing his features. "Just... normal abuse. Well, it was that first. Nothing... it's not like it was too bad or anything. But then I just always fell to the same patterns."


"Not too bad? Ches it's always bad", the half Asian sighed.


He trailed his fingertips along Chester's spine slowly, waiting for him to relax and just let go of the unsureness. He could see how humiliating it was for the other, really weighing him down. But he didn't care. Whatever there is, it wasn't Chester's fault.


"Yeah, well... you know. It's not like... I could have stopped it anytime but then it just went just like it always had. And you know... You saw it. Guys like Jeremy. Like I said I could have stopped it at any time, but I didn't. I didn't cause... I don't know. Guess I was afraid to be alone. And not... It's not just about sex. There's plenty of guys in the world that like only one night stands. So it wasn't just... Fuck. This is really hard to explain. Cause it wasn't sex but same time it was just sex. Like I said, I don't stay to cuddle. I bail, as quick as possible", Chester explained while trying to keep his nerves under control.


"Okay. I get that. So you... Kinda like escaped to the sex and... and then it's a cycle."


"Yeah. I like the attention. But then when there's too much I get scared and can't handle it anymore. So I run. And some guys just think I play games and want it to be like that. So they don't give up. And I just... I can't say no then", Chested swallowed thickly.


It was the most he had ever told to anyone. He was sure Mike was worth it. If someone was, it was Mike. But that didn't mean he wouldn't still continue his old habits. That he himself was worth it.


Mike sighed. It was pretty much what he had thought, but hearing it like that hurt more than he had expected. Deep down Chester was just broken and fixing someone like that was something he had never even tried to do.


"So... You don't handle your feelings well?"


"No. I don't."


"Trust issues?"


"Yeah."


"And yet you just told a whole lot of yourself. And that means you are also trusting me. At least a bit. Which is enough for me since you managed to open up. That's exactly what I needed. I don't care about your past. Those... Even if it was then okay for you... They should have known better. They still took advantage of you. Cause if someone is broken... you just don't do that", Mike explained. Or tried to. He had a feeling that Chester was just going to be stubborn.


Which was confirmed as the other opened his mouth again. "Yeah but I still did it consensually. Well, not when I was a kid but later I mean. It's just..."


"Your style to handle things."


"Yeah."


"It's still wrong. You don't just... Fuck. It's not your fault. Not in any way. Not even when it was your style to handle it. And I am sure it didn't help", the half Asian sighed.


"Now I just feel stupid."


"Don't Chester. I'm glad you told me that. You need a lot more than that to push me away."


"Yeah?" the other asked a smile spreading on his lips, even though he felt a pinch in his heart.


"Yeah", Mike nodded.


The sparkling eyes were just the last drop for Mike. Leaning in he pressed his lips to Chester's eliciting an instant gasp. He couldn't tell was it content or surprised one, but as the hand took his face between them he was sure it was only a good thing. Lips gliding over each other and his hand digging under Chester's shirt now were making him so happy. Of course it felt good. Kissing always did. But with Chester it was so much more and his heart was screaming with joy. And then the lip ring that was making him feel something else, as well as the small whimpers he couldn't ignore either.


"That...", he mumbled as Chester pulled a way to take a breath. Staring at the other as he licked his lip caused a shiver run along Mike's spine.


"You're so..."


"So? What Chester?" Mike asked when the other just stared at him, the hands still cupping his cheeks.


"I don't have a word for it. But something good. It's making me happy", Chester smiled and nodded slightly.


"Good. Cause you're making me happy too", Mike answered.


Cuddling was another thing. And this was another. Their cuddling in the past few days had been just cute and soft. Nothing more than being close and enjoying the warmth of another human. This was adding a flavor to it. There was suddenly more feeling than before and Mike didn't know was it cause of the talk or something else. But the way Chester was looking at him made him melt. It was nothing like he had felt before. And he was loving it. Even though it confused him he loved it.


"Uhm.. Are you okay? You got lost in your thoughts", Chester startled him suddenly chuckling.


"Yeah. I'm fine", he answered a broad smile on his face.


"Kay... I think I need a shower. But I would like to do it before Dave gets home."


"Yeah. I need to finish the homework."


They got up but Chester had a weird feeling. He just didn't want to go now. He knew Mike would be there still when he got back, but it was just too good to stop.


"Go. We'll continue later. If you like", Mike said but turned then his head when he felt his cheeks burn.


Chester stroked his arm gingerly, before he sighed smiling, grabbed his towel and left to the bathroom.


Later that day they were all cozily sitting around the table and eating, except Rob who was still at work. Chester told them about a gig Doug was planning but Mike wasn't really paying attention to the words. He was way too mesmerized by the lip ring and the smiles Chester gave him from time to time. His mind went back to the kiss. And then to the talk. Sure it wasn't all resolved like that, with one talk, but he thought that it was a step forward. Step away from the past and the darkness. Possibly for good. If Chester managed to talk now he could maybe open up next time even more, or more easily.


"Mike!" Dave startled him suddenly.


"Uhm... What?"


"I asked how are your studies. You are acting really strange today."


The half Asian was about to answer when Chester chuckled next to him. "Stop. I'm fine. And the studies are too. The task I have now isn't that interesting but it shouldn't take too long to finish."


"That's good. Work hard so you can enjoy then later", Dave nodded obviously also talking about himself and his crazy work schedule.


The talk fell back to its tracks but now it was Chester who was staring at Mike. Studying his features he was amazed at how he hadn't just tried harder with his suggestions. Cause Mike was something different. The sex had been lovely, and he wanted more of it. But Mike was too pure, too innocent to be just destroyed like that. Which was his opinion on it. Cause sex had been always just a tool for him. In every way, it could have been used. And destroy was what it would do eventually if he would have just dived in and let go. The thing that was keeping him from not doing it didn't have a name, but Chester was curious and certainly wanted it to stay. He could wait, Mike was that important.


They cleaned the table when they were done with the dinner, and Mike went back to finish the school task that still needed some adjusting. Dave went to watch TV and was joined by Chester while Brad decided to head bed to read. He changed his pajama pants on and crawled under the blanket while glancing at the clock. Rob would be home soon and he wanted to read an exciting chapter he was in the middle of before that. Cause with Rob it wouldn't be possible. He couldn't just concentrate on anything when Rob was there.


Half an hour later he tore his eyes away from the page when Rob opened the door. He smiled as the other stopped to stare at him for a second. The butterflies in his stomach got wild and he had to drop the book to the table. No reading anymore.


"I'll take a quick shower okay?"


Brad nodded and stretched. Rob tossed his bag on the floor and most of his clothes before he left the room.


"Hey", he was startled next. Blinking his eyes he realized he had fallen asleep and Rob was standing next to him about to burst into laughter.


"I'm tired."


"I can see that", Rob shook his head and crawled next to him after tossing the towel to a chair.


"Sorry."


"Don't apologize for being tired", Rob sighed and pulled him to a hug.


"God I missed this", the other said wrapping his thin arm around the other while snuggling closer.


"It has been hours. Not days", the other said amused. His nose in the curls he inhaled the scent that always made him forget everything else.


"I know. Still."


"So you're not feeling bad cause of the conversation earlier?"


"No. It's... like. I get it. I talked with Chester about it. Like you said, he understood it perfectly. But can we not have this conversation now? Cause I'm getting horny and I am way too tired to even think about it."


Rob let out a laughter. Mostly to Brad's grumbling tone, since he seemed to feel really sorry that he was too tired to have sex. "You're a handful."


"Mhm. And you love it."


"Deja vu. I do. Now shut up and get some sleep so I can wake you up in the morning."


Rob didn't see the content grin that spread on Brad's lips when he closed his eyes and nuzzled to the chest. He didn't need to. He knew the other too well to picture exactly that.



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