Shattered // JJKxReader

Chapter 45

"Her heart is breaking while trying to fix his."
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A few days later...

Y/N POV

It's been a few days since Yoongi just committed suicide, and I'm still here reading books on the hospital bed.

I stop for a second, glacing at the window.

I heard that he killed himself by banging his head on the corner of the table, a few times until his brain was damaged. They said his blood got splatter everywhere, leaving the floor pure red all over.

Thinking about that makes me shiver, but at the same time I understand how it feels to torture ourselves outside when there's too much pain is inside. It's just the same way of crying, but in a harder way.

When there's nothing left inside of you, when you can't make things get back  to it's place, when there's no things to fight further, and so on.

I know, I still gathering myself not to think that way anymore. But I feel like everyday, i'm betting on my life and fighting for my own sanity.

Since that night, all of the people there was very shocked of what happened. The hospital service and security is getting more strict. Everyone is being aware and a little frightened until now.

It's been a rough days for me eventhough i took much rest these days. But luckily, I spend my days with Taehyung.

He's been a very good company.

His mother and Jungkook's mother always frequently gave me some visits, they both make the best kimchi and seaweed soup.

They both makes me feel better.

When Ha Dam visited us, we always took a walk together on the garden beside the hospital. It's just such a relieve to see her.

She never fails to make me smile.

I finally realized and glad to know that there's still a lot of people who's still concern about me, and to tkae care of me.

I feel so relieved, and my body is healing slowly. But I think there's a clear path inside my mind that culminates a dead end, about him.

My thoughts are always filled about him, wondering where he went and how is he doing.

I know.

I know I shouldn't think about him.

But he oddly hangs in the corner of my mind.

I sometimes get angry at myself for doing it, and I have to get a hold of myself that I'm just accidentally getting involved with his business.

So i shouldn't take any more further about it.

Right?

Since the night Yoongi committed suicide,

I never saw him anymore.

He's just gone.

Everytime I ask his mother about his condition and his presence, she always said that he's fine and immediately change our topic.