Steve remembered you, everyday. From the moment he reunited with Natasha, seeing Wanda and Vision and the alien beings that had attacked them. A new sense of responsibility washed through him when he had learned of Tony's disappearance. He realized that it's not just the world this time, whatever was happening was bigger then that. And the world be damned if he was going to sit back and wait for someone to tell him now was the time to fight.
He remembered your words when he told Secretary Ross he was done with asking for permission and past the point of begging for forgiveness. He meant every word, you had given him the resolve he had need to do what had to be done. You were the reason he was going to fight, to keep you safe from whatever threaten the world this time.
And as he stepped off the Quin jet and saw Bucky for the first time in four years he knew then that he had made the right decision to leave him in Wakanda. That's when he came back to travel the US in that beat up truck he had been right. Seeing his friend smile for the first time in seventy years was worth it, and in a way it reminded him even more of you. Had he chosen to stay and wait for Bucky to get better he would never have met you and never had the chance to see what life could of been like.
And as he stood on that battle field watching as the alien dogs rushed head first into the barrier surrounding Wakanda he knew he made the right decision in coming. Seeing their ferocity in the way they were hell bent on attack he couldn't imagine these things getting loose into the general population. Even as he fought side by side with his family you never strayed far from his thoughts or his heart. You words about thanking the people who helped those in Sokovia seared into his head, that there were countless others who would stand by them.
But in the end it wasn't enough, seeing Thanos, Vision falling dead to the ground and the stone being dropped into the gauntlet. Then the snap, and the world went silent. His team, his friends and family slowly starting to fall to ash before his eyes and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop it. People to left and the right who had fought along side him, slowly drifting away on the wind.
When he returned to the palace, he went straight to his room that the king had provided. He walked to the dresser and grasped the cell phone he hated weeks ago. There were so many texts from you. So he started with first missed text, needing just see your face, read your thoughts. The first was from the day he had left.
You: Hey nomad, I get it. And as I told you, if it's for the right reasons never beg for forgiveness. I figured out who you were months ago and forgave you for anything that may happen in the future. But I didn't fall in love with the man the world knows, I fell for the man that they didn't.
You: I fell in love you that night we watched the stars, opening up to one another in a way that we never had before with anyone. And then again on the way to get gas, and I fell even harder watching the sunrise in the New Mexican desert. And I was wholly yours standing over the Colorado River at the Grand Canyon.
You: I fell in love with man who found himself driving across the country with a random stranger. The one who took chance after chance, who would turn down a random dirt road with no destination in mind.
You: and even though there was a part of me that wished you would never leave, you are who you are. Strong, independent, responsible, determined, thoughtful, loving, and most of all human! And even if the world forgets all that behind your shield I will never forget who you are!
You: I love you Steve, my nomad, and until we meet again.
Then came the picture of you standing in Yosemite, leaning against the beat up truck he knew so well. A huge smile on your face, basking in the sunlight. It pulled on his heart, seeing you smile after your own declaration. Picture after picture brought a smile to face.
You had sent a small video on the beach, you had panned the camera a cross the turbulent surf. The sky dark with unspent rain waiting to drop, slowly you had turned the camera on your phone to face yourself. You hair blowing across you face, eyes bright and full of life.
"Miss you, my nomad." You said, a smile stretched across your face. "I forgot to tell you something about nature and her storms, the sun is always brighter after it rages. So whatever you're going through, just remember, it will get brighter."
So many pictures and small messages from you. It lifted his heart till he got to the last missed text.
You: Steve, what's happening? People are turning to ash.
It had been sent half an hour ago. Quickly he he hit dial and listened as the phone rang and rang. Going to voice mail, he hung up and dialed again, listening as the phone just rang before going to voice mail once more. He tried again, but only got the same, panic raged through him like a hurricane.
"Hey, y/n, sweetheart call me." He cried into the phone unable to hold the tears back any more.
He slid down to his knees, clutching the phone, waiting for a call that he knew would never come. He must of hit redial twenty, thirty times with no different outcome. It had been to late, he hadn't just lost Bucky, and Sam. He didn't just loose Wanda, Vision, T'Challa, he lost, once again the one thing that evaded him his whole life. He lost love.
He sat on his knees in that dark room, quietly as the tears streamed down his cheeks. He left you to keep you safe, and he had failed. You just like half the population were gone, turned to ash with the snap of a pair of fingers. Anger tore its way through his body as he knelt there on a floor, a strangled yell of pain coming through his gritted teeth as the frustration of not being able to stop Thanos hit him.
This was not how this was supposed to turn out, if he had died that would of been another story. He had had a hundred years, and yes after being alive as long as he had it would of hurt leaving before he had gotten the chance to love another person. But he had found you and fell so hard, and then fate pulled a cruel joke and ripped your from his finger tips much like Peggy had been ripped from him when he dove the plane nose first into the ice.
His body shook with anger and pain as he remembered the way your eyes fluttered open after that night the two of you together had when you had been rained out in Arizona. The way the sun caught your hair through the curtains. Slowly Steve brought his hands to his face, allowing himself to break. He stayed like that for hours, remembering every detail, every conversation, replaying your message over and over.
He made a vow that night, a vow that he would never break. Thanos would pay for this, and he would not stop, even if it took every last breath in his body, if it was the last beat of his broken heart. He would find a way to fix this.
