You laid there, staring straight up a the smooth white ceiling, just willing yourself to roll over and start your day. However you knew the minute you put that plan into motion it would cause you nothing but pain. Pain starting at the small of your back, achey and dull, and you hadn't even moved yet. That's how every morning started, day after day, month after month. It hadn't always been like this, you were pretty sure but seemed liked it sometimes.
Slowly you rolled to your side, trying your best to keep yourself straight as the pain in your lower back spiked immediately making you bite your bottom lip and clench your eyes shut. You breathed short hard breaths through your nose to try and push yourself through the white hot pain exploding upward and radiating on into your left hip. Using your arms, you pushed yourself up into a sitting position which caused electrical like pain to course steadily in your back and hip region.
To go one day, one measly day without hating the routine of getting yourself up.
Up. The next challenge.
"Sweetheart?" You heard Steve call out from the living room. You sighed heavily, knowing he would come back to check on you. You hated him seeing you like this, taking forever to complete such a simple task.
You braced yourself the best you could, before leaning forward to allow gravity to pull your body up from the mattress. Using what muscles you could in your legs you gradually pushed yourself into a standing position, turning your body slightly to left because for whatever reason it was less painful that way. But still the pain intensified, shocks and waves of it speared down your hip and into your knee locking it in a half bent way.
"Darling?" Steve questioned softly as he entered. He must of went for a run, as he was currently only wearing loose grey shorts and beads of water dripped from his hair. He didn't stop walking toward you until he reached out and braced your arms knowing the first step was the one where your knee would go out because it was like someone shot you with a bullet right in the spine, right next to the pelvis.
"Morning." You forced a smile, you hated that he knew there was a chance you would drop the floor and send waves of agony through your body but thankful that he was there to help.
Slowly for the last several months he watched as you declined, everyday just a bit worse then the day before. Watching as it became almost impossible to roll over in bed without using your feet to turn your lower body because it was like midway down your body just couldn't figure out how to turn without agony. Once in a while you would catch a break and the pain wouldn't be as bad and then you would over do it without trying and hate yourself the very next day. Steve would be there to help you, whether it was to stand, or reach for something because leaning forward could suck just as bad.
You looked up in those all too familiar blues eyes, why a man would stick round and be with someone who felt like they were 90 on a good day baffled you.
"I made breakfast." He stated, the corner of his mouth pulling up into a soft smile as he took a step back coaxing you to take that first step.
"Yeah, what did you attempt to make this time Rogers?" You smirked with your usual banter. You took that first blinding step clenching your eyes shut as your hip refused to move, locked into place whether it was from the fear of more pain or just because it was stubborn.
"Attempt? You said you liked my French toast the last time." He jested back as he took another step back.
"Those were French toast? I thought it was scrambled eggs with cinnamon and vanilla flavoring." The next step was worse as you finally got your hip to rotate a bit and it felt like someone hit you with a taser. If only you stayed in bed, this was taking more energy then it should.
"What?" He scoffed jokingly. "You deeply wound me."
"So.." You grimaced as you pushed through the pain the rest of way and slowly started to walk without to much pain. "What did you make?"
"Pancakes." He smiled as he turned and walked out of the bedroom with you behind him.
"They smell amazing, Steve." You replied following him to the kitchen.
You hated living in chronic pain, it seemed like if it wasn't your back and hip it was something else. You had enough knee, ankle, wrist, and elbow braces, not including the dozens of ace bandages, to support an entire sports team. You had one for your back but it was by far more uncomfortable then it was helpful. You stopped taking ibuprofen ages ago because for the most part it didn't help. It would take just the tiniest bit of edge off and that was it.
Steve pulled the chair out for you as he turned to go fix you up and plate. Slowly you lowered yourself into it as you watched him, leaning slightly to the right to keep from putting more pressure on the left which hurt more.
"Guessing you went for a run with the guys?" You asked.
"Yeah, Sam and Bucky have been itching for me to go running with them for a while." He replied as he brought over two plates. "It was nice to catch up with them both."
"You know you don't have to stick around here for you runs." You sighed, slowly lifting your fork guilt flooding you as you did so. He only stuck around because he had to help you almost every other day you told yourself defeatedly.
"I know, I like taking my runs around here." He replied as he brought over the syrup and butter before he sat down.
"Steve." You breathed, feeling the tingling well up in your eyes. Frustration because of your problems were causing him to miss out on time with his buddies.
"Sweetheart." He said, reaching and grasping your hand. "Don't start that again."
You looked up him, trying to put on your best straight face, trying to act like you didn't know what he was talking about. "I know you better then you think."
"Really?" You asked, feeling a single drop hit your cheek.
"You think that your keeping me back, and your not. I like my runs here cause it's quiet, there isn't a lot of traffic in the morning, I can just zone out and clear my head. The view in the morning is amazing and if I'm lucky I get to see some wildlife." He replied, you licked your bottom lip. "I love you, you know that. Regardless of how much you can or can't do. I love everything about you, your strength, your humor, your smart, even on your dark days. Even when you can only go through half the day and give up before laying on the couch because your body just can't do it anymore. I love you through it all."
"Why?" You choked out as the tears slipped down.
"Because you are an amazing person, your one of the most kindest, intelligent, funniest people I know. We have deep conversations, and we joke around about anything, that far out weighs everything else." He replied leaning over and kissing your forehead as he reached up to wipe the tears away. "Even if you think I'm a bad cook."
