I come home at around six, it's awfully quieter than usual.
Kicking my slides off I head towards the living where Jaiah and Ida sat conversing in a hush tone with their backs facing me.
Silently I creep up behind "Secrets, secrets are no fun, unless you share them with everyone!" I shout earning a gasp from both girls as they jump and turn their heads looking like deer in headlights.
"Rih don't do that shit you almost gave me a heart attack!" Jaiah exaggerates clenching her chest while breathing heavily.
"You'll be fine" I laugh. "What were y'all talking about anyway?" I question looking back and forth between them.
Ida looks at Jaiah for an answer in which Jaiah raises her brows. "You want me to say it?" She asks.
Ida sighs. "No I'll say it...but can you stay with me?" Jaiah nods "Of course"
I stand there confused as ever. "Someone fill me in, what do you have to tell me Ida?" I raise my brows.
She looks down as if contemplating something. Jaiah sighs before speaking. "Rih just promise not to get too mad at her, it wasn't all her fault" Jaiah implored her New York accent slipping.
"Does Nicki know?" I ask. "No, actually we'll let you get settled in then come down with Nicki. Is that ok?" Jaiah asked turning to Ida who was playing with her nails.
"Mhm" Ida replied clearly on edge.
"Mmm" I say glaring at Ida, "Let me find out you was doing some illegal shit then it's your ass" I warn making my way upstairs.
When I open the door first thing I see is Nicki sitting on our bed using her phone.
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"Hey..." I say walking over to my side of the bed.
She doesn't look up as I stand there Stupidly waiting for a reply. "You still mad at me?" I ask watching her text away on her phone.
"Onika" I say using her government. She only scoots down pulling the covers over her body and facing her back towards me.
"You trippin," I mutter under my breath "how you mad at me for something we both took part in"
Correct me if I'm wrong but it takes two to conceive a child.
"Onika I'm really tryna be patient with you, you think I don't care what you went through? You think I forgot what WE went through??...cause I was hurting too in case you forgot, that was my child too Onika and no I didn't plan on getting you pregnant after that but it happened. Move the fuck on and stop blaming me for her death. You're acting like it's my fault!"
Nicki shot up from the bed tears streaming down her face. "IT IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT RIHANNA!"
"That's how you feel?" I ask calmly. She looks up at me with stained tears.
"DON'T FUCKING ACT LIKE YOU WASN'T HITTING ON ME EVERY FUCKING DAY YOUR DUMBASS WAS ON THOSE STUPID DRUGS" Onika yelled throwing a pillow in my direction, I catch it before it hits my face.
At this point I was too taken aback to even speak. Yes I was doing illegal drugs during that time but I don't remember ever putting my hands on her when she was pregnant.
I look back at Nicki who was now sobbing her eyes out hands covering her face. My heart broke at the sight. It's not my fault, I would've given my life for my baby girl.
Tears build up in my eyes threatening to fall as I feel a lump form in my throat. Putting my feelings and hurt aside I go up to Nicki attempting to comfort her. She viciously swats my hand away. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME RIHANNA!"
"I didn't wrap the umbilical cord around her nick Onika"
"...Of course you don't remember. One of the most traumatizing things you've ever done to me and you don't remember" She laugh bitterly.
I back up giving her some space.
Was it my fault?
Seconds later Jaiah walks in disturbance and shock written all over her face.
She probably hates me now after what she heard.
"...You're pregnant?" She asks walking over to her big sister comforting her in a hug.
"How much did you hear Jaiah" Nicki sighs. "Enough" Jaiah responds.
"I-" Was all I could get out. Never did I think it was my fault Nicki had a rough pregnancy.
I hate that I was so addicted back then. Now that I think of it I remember Nicki begging me to stop, I mean she's always told me to quit but there was this one time I overdosed and was admitted to the hospital then transmitted to a psych ward due to how severe my IED was.
I remember her visiting me weeks later just screaming and yelling at me to stop. At the time Ida was only two and we rarely saw each other cause Nicki refused to let her see me in that state yet alone bring a two year old to a psych ward.
I forgot things a lot and would wonder why Nicki had bruises on her...come to find out it was me all along.
Hands covering my face I sat against the wall silenty letting tears fall. I felt a light tap on my shoulders causing me to look up.
"I'm gonna take Nicki out the house to a hotel with me, you okay staying with the kids?"
"Is she coming back?" I ask my voice barley audible. "This is only for a little while until gets her thoughts together...and Rih?"
I look up again. Jaiah's whole expression changes from collected to pissed the fuck off. "If you ever lay your hands on my sister again I'll personally beat the crap out of you, and that's a motherfucking promise"
"Jaiah I swear I never meant-" She cuts me off.
"Fuck what you meant. You still did it and that's what has me baffled. She was pregnant Rihanna. Never in a million years did I-...I really looked up to y'all Rih, honestly at this point I don't know what to think of you" Jaiah scowls before walking away.
Once her and Nicki were done packing they went downstairs to say their goodbyes to the kids.
I followed behind watching them hug "Are you coming back?" Zi asked as Nicki wiped her tears.
"Of course baby, I would never leave you guys. I just need to clear my mind. Be good please...for me" Nicki replies her voice hoarse. Zisel nods releasing from the hug.
"You deserve a break" Ida says extending her arm for a hug. Nicki embraces her back. "I love you" She whispers kissing Ida's cheek before letting go.
