As a child,
I had to learn how to build
walls around me.
I had to learn,
from an early age,
how to defend my honour
and how to protect my heart.
Because, at times,
it felt as though I had
no one there for me,
no one to protect my heart.
So, I had to be my own soldier
and fight my own wars.
I had to learn
how to mend my broken parts
and how to dry my own tears.
And in time,
my walls became higher,
my smile turned into a scowl,
solitude became my best friend,
my heart became colder
and my light went dim.
That is why I find it so hard
to connect with others
on a deeper level.
That is why I find it so hard
to trust
and to let people into my heart.
I've been alone inside for so long
that I forgot what a friend was
or what it felt like to care for others.
I spent so long being a soldier
that I forgot how to be a child.
I fought so many pointless wars
that I forgot the meaning of peace.
I forgot how to love,
how to be a normal human being,
how to be at peace with others and
how to live freely.
I find it hard to be myself around people.
I find it hard to live my life to the fullest
because I am afraid of being hurt
AGAIN.
I am afraid of being neglected
AGAIN.
I am afraid of being broken
AGAIN.
So, I keep my heart closed
and my back to the world
to stop them from hurting me.
Because if I'm alone,
then I won't be hurt
but I'll still cry myself to sleep again and
again.
YOU ARE READING
Black Butterfly
Poetrythis is a book filled with original poetry by Kamogelo Modirwa. This book describes the journey I went through to find myself again after the many internal battles I had to fight and the journey that I needed to go on before I could earn my wings...
