Black Butterfly

Dear Father

Dear Father,
In spite of the manner
in which you raised me,
In spite of the person you are,
I will not turn out to be like you.

I refuse to destroy or belittle others
in order to find a solution to my problems
or a light in my darkness.

I refuse to be the kind of father
that reminds me of you.
I refuse to be the kind of husband
that needs his wife to feel weak
for him to feel strong.

I refuse to be the kind of man
that dictates "how a man should act"
to his son.
I refuse to teach my children
the kind of love you taught me.
I want to be the kind of father,
the kind of man
that allows his children to live and love
however and whomever,
whilst being respectful of themselves and others around them.

I will be the kind of man,
the kind of father
that puts his child before
money, status and possessions.
I will be the man that
allows his son to be
the kind of man
that needs the support of a woman and everyone around him
to feel strong and empowered.

I will be better than
what you taught me to be -
That's a promise I make
to myself and my child(ren).

Dear Father,
Thank you for teaching
how identify good from bad,
right from wrong
because sometimes,
you made the worst choices.
and unfortunately for me,
I suffered because of that.
You broke me down,
without saying a word.
You taught me how to cry myself to sleep.
At the very least, I can wholeheartedly say
"my father actually taught me something."
They may not have been the best lessons
to teach a growing boy
but, regardless, I learnt how to hate myself
because I thought you hated me.
Dear Father,
Thank you for all the life lessons.
Both the good and the heartbreaking.
💔

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[AUTHOR's NOTE]:

damn, that was hard to write without crying.

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