giant book of 5sos imagines

breaking myself - cth (5)

I'm no good to anyone. He knows that. He knows because I told him.

"You know you are pretty stupid for this right?" I told him as we ate dinner in the back of McDonald's at 4 am. I put a fry in my mouth. He laughed at me "You said you don't do boyfriends or love or whatever so fuck buddies is it, am I wrong?" I shook my head "You are too fragile for this" I sighed deeply, thinking I didn't wanna break his heart. He's such a good guy and I don't even know why he's caught up with me. "I'm not it's just sex and friendship is all" I looked up at him with a serious face and he wasn't taking my 'no' for an answer. I just rolled my eyes jokingly at him just too gain a giggle.

That was months ago and I hated this. Calum is so good to me, so so good. He cherishes me like in something fragile. Forehead kisses and hugs where he whispers in my ears, not sexually just too tell me to feel better. I'm not letting him in and it's bugging him. I have never cried over any man. So, why am I sitting in my room about to? I knew if I kept him around any longer I'd hurt him, I'd mess it up even if this is just sex. This is sex to me, it feels like a lie. Everything I keep telling myself seems fake. I started sobbing as I thought about him not being around anymore. I thought of never seeing him again and having to go back to the one night stands and acting like a bitch to get by. I wiped my eyes as I heard my door being opened. I sniffled back the tears and he dropped whatever he had with him at the door, I watched as he stripped himself to his boxers. He looked so tired and just done with today, I was gonna make this worse.

He gently put himself in bed under my covers. He wrapped himself around me and pressed a soft kiss on my shoulder. I took my hand and grabbed his arm pulling it away from me. "Leave, Calum" he pulled back from my hand and rewrapped himself around me. "Seriously, Don't make it harder than it has to be just leave" I felt my voice crack. He pressed another kiss and hummed lowly "You don't want me to" he whispered I grabbed his hand again "No, Calum leave I don't want you here and I never did. You aren't worth my time anymore I don't wanna see you ever again so go" I felt a tear run down my face as his arm pulled away from me. His warmth was gone from me now. I couldn't help but just cry. Till the bed sunk in on the side I was facing. He pulled my arms lifting me up. He wiped my tears and i tried to pull from his grip. "Come on baby let me make love to you before I go" He put my arms around his neck as he leaned in to kiss me. I kissed him back because I couldn't deny him of them. He pushed me back on the bed. His lips left mine and made his way down my jaw to my neck. He was so gentle, he was taking his time. Usually I'd complain but this was different. He whispered "Wanna make you feel so good one last time" a shiver went down my spine. I just let him slowly undress me, his hands gently caressing anywhere he could. He kissed down my chest and belly making sure to linger it on. He spread my legs slowly and put a finger in me making me whimper as I searched for a place to put my hands. I ended up with the sheets as he hovered over me adding a second finger. He brought his other hand to my mouth running his fingers over my lips as my moaning grew louder and his fingers curled in my gently hitting my spot. "Look at how pretty you are when you are wrapped around my fingers" I threw my head back as I clenched around his fingers. I came on his fingers and he put his fingers in his mouth cleaning his fingers off. He simply licked up the rest of the mess he made by attaching his mouth to my very sensitive clit which I tried to pull him away from. "No baby I gotta clean up the first mess before making another I promise I'll be quick" he held my legs tightly as he surely licked every drop of my cum up. He leaned back and moved, hovering over me. I put my hands on his shoulders and he made sure we made complete eye contact the entire time. "Were you crying over me?" He whispered as he began kissing my jaw. I whimpered "no" as he pushed himself inside of me. My arms wrapped around his neck putting my hands through his curls. I yelped as he harshly snapped his hips. He groaned in my ear as he slowed down. He pulled back looking at me, i knew he was going to make this the very best he's ever given me. He knows what he's doing, he knows that I know I'm making a mistake I'll never find anyone like him. "Say it before I have to go baby" I ignored him closing my eyes so I didn't look at him. He kissed me making my attention go to him again. He looked me in my eyes again. He whispered "I love you" he harshly snapped his hips into me again. Causing me to immediately yelp. He kissed me again and the three words slipped off his tongue again. He begged me to say it back and I knew it I did he'd be gone and I'd never see him again. "You gotta tell me before I go baby one time is all" I squeezed my eyes together not because I was cumming because I didn't wanna say it but I knew if I didn't the situation would be worse. "Tell me you love me while I make you feel good" I whimpered "I love you" it came out so slowly and I hated that I meant it. After I said it he quickly made me cum and himself and when he pulled away. I watched him clean himself up in my bathroom and re dress himself. I finally got up and did the same. I didn't wanna look at him but I knew he'd walk out and I'd never see him again. I threw on a long shirt and watched him play on his phone in the bathroom doorway. I looked at him taking in him for one last time. He pushed himself off the doorway clicking off his phone. My heart pounded so hard it hurt. He looked at me before walking towards my front door. My eyes started to water as he opened it and he glanced at me before shutting it. I stood there for a moment watching the door but no one came back through. I ran towards the door flinging it open and he was walking to his car and he looked up at me. "Just stay the night" I managed to get out. "If you leave in the morning I understand but I need you tonight I can't watch you leave me" He looked at me for a moment before walking towards me and when he got in front of me he made sure to close any gaps between our bodies. He looked down at me for a minute then said "You are certainly breaking your own heart in this" he sighed as I brought my hand up to wipe my cheeks. I didn't know what to say so he kept talking "I didn't stick around to just end up breaking you, you're already broken and your routine you had when I met you was absolutely miserable and I know you hate it. You sit and preached to me about never making love and how you'll never do right by me and you'll hurt me but you haven't hurt me once, you've never slept with anyone since the first time I laid you in that bed. You haven't blew me off or told me no or treated me like I wasn't anything. You are the only one breaking your heart and don't say you don't care because you do or you would've left me get in my car and you wouldn't of cried or said you loved me" I wrapped my arms around him so he'd stop talking and held on as tightly as I could I started crying "I know I'm messed up but don't leave me, I can't watch you walk away from me, baby please" He stood there for a minute and his heavy breathing from getting worked up from telling me all the things I already knew and he kissed my head and I stopped my crying and just closed my eyes taking in his presence.