giant book of 5sos imagines

unintentional heartbreak - cth

I was deep in my feelings listening to 'All I Wanted' by Paramore aka my all time favorite song and I wrote this I'll probably have a part two soon.

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drifting. he was slipping from my grasp. everytime i ran for him, he would run faster. he didn't notice. the days he went without kissing me, touching me, and even sleeping beside me. his mind is right, I know it's all okay because I hear him say it everyday. he can't wait for tour and Michael's wedding and how everything is finally getting better each day. im happy for him. this is what i want. i want Calum happy but it seems like it doesn't have me in the picture anymore.

i slowly started to distance myself more.

he came home early one time and walked past me our bedroom and went straight to the music room. i scrolled through apartments in the city.
"Hey! What are you doing?" I snapped my eyes up and began deleting the tab.
"Just research on some serial killer I learned about on tv" He chuckled softly
"Okay well I'm heading back out, gonna stay at Michael's till we get the song done" I nodded and that was it.

He was gonna long enough for me to see the apartments and choose one and pick a date and everything. I moved out slowly and gradually. I didn't want him noticing, it's not like he would. I put Calum's shirts that I used frequently back into his wardrobe and he started wearing them again with no question. he's too high on life to notice. I put our photos on my phone into a folder and password locked it. I changed my lock screen and home screen.

I found out the date he was leaving for tour and it was coming up so soon. It had slipped his mind to tell me. I didn't just distance myself from Calum I distanced from everything involving him too. The girls, the fans, social media, the boys, even his family. I just wanted to mask it all with a sticker that said "For Calum's Happiness" and call it a day. I cried almost every night remembering how it was and how it started and how it's about to end.

The day came and I was completely moved out and he only had one suitcase to bring because he buys on the way and his design teams and so on. At the airport I counted 6 days we hadn't talked till now.
"I hope you have a lot of fun" He was glowing with joy and his feet wanted to jump.
"I will! I've been waiting plus we have new people and ugh I can't wait to show our fans a different side of us" I smiled at him because even though he was breaking my heart, I was happy that he was happy.
"Goodbye Calum, have a good tour" he smiled big and opened his mouth to talk but Luke said something to him and he turned away from me. I watched him walk away from me like he didn't notice what was wrong. I caught eyes with Ashton. It's like he knew what was wrong. I waved and gave him the best smile I could before I left the airport. They hadn't even boarded but I knew he wouldn't notice.

When I sat in my car I let it all come out and I cried and cried.
"God damnit!" I smacked the steering wheel and if a heart could break in two in real life gosh this is what it would feel like. My chest hurt so bad as I leaned back in my seat I just sobbed. After a while and the tears had stopped coming. My throat hurt and my chest burned and my heart rate was definitely not right. I started the car and instead of "our" home in the hills, I took a new path to my own lonely apartment.

Stepping in and there was no smell of him and no sign of him and it was like before I'd met him all over again. I sat on my couch and opened my phone. I went to his contact and changed "Baby💓" to "Calum (U.S)" I did it on Snapchat too. It was all to real now. He didn't even realize he was breaking my heart because he was happy. Happy without me there and I faded out. The longer we stay out of contact the more it'll become unbelievable how anyone could forget their lover but it happens. It happens to friends, family and yes even lovers in this case.

I was still in love with him and that probably won't change for a while. Whatever feelings he had for me were being dismissed in his happiness or already had been. I'll just tell myself we weren't meant for each other.