My Life

I can't anymore

Hi. I'm so mad right now. Stuff happened in band today and I screwed up on my playing test and I'm so stressed right now with a bunch of stuff and I messed up on the playing test and I literally was so upset that I started to cry, not like sobs but like just crying. And then Mury and some of my other friends comforted me and stuff. Honestly I don't know why that I cried, I think that it was just stress and the failing the test part just hit a nerve. But good/bad part when I was comforting one of my friends (before my breakdown) after she messed up on her test (bad part, she was also upset enough that she was crying (keep in mind we have been told maybe once that we need to retake a test)) Pretzel was watching me the whole time that I was turned around (it sounds bad that I was happy about that when my friend was upset I know, and I feel bad about that, like really bad) and throughout the beginning of the hour I kept turning around to look at him and he was always looking back (I'm sorry I say this every single time  I know, broken record). And you know now he's seen me cry so that's great, I never cry like ever so you know it just happens when I am in the same room as him, yeah great, man it was bad, I know I looked like crap. Ughhhh and like I caught him looking at me a few times when I was sitting there crying or when I was hugging Mury. And with the tiny glimpses that I got of him when I was hugging Mury (I would not full on look at him more than a few times because like I said I looked like crap and I was like dying) part of the times when I was turned around I was looking at my friends and he was looking at me and I would keep glancing at him. And at the beginning of class once again he stole my friend's chair and Mury sees this and goes "what?" (I don't think that this is what she said I can't remember (help Mury)) and I answered with "he just wants to be a squeaker" and he gave me a look, a look he has no idea what it does to my brain, but whatever and then he had to get up because we were getting ready to start. Got to go. Bye Y'all.