Drunk Words Are Sober Thoughts

Chapter 5 - Carsyn POV

Um, there is some abuse in here, and as usual... Foul language, just giving a heads up. Have a wonderful day, Lovelies! Enjoy the chap!

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CARSYN POV - Chapter 5

All I remember is crying on the front step, maybe I dozed off, maybe I died, I don't know anymore, nor do I care. All I know is I'm in a small room, no windows, and the door is locked. The one time I don't do anything with my hair that required me to use bobby pins, I need a bobby pin. Sighing, I just lay down and give up. Who cares at this point, we'll only become destroyed in the end. I don't know how long it's been, but wake up to hear a banging on the door, rubbing my eyes, I slowly move to get up. "Get up, now. We're going somewhere." "Where?" He just rolls his eyes, and throws me some clothes, then walks out. "Come downstairs after you finish, make a bad move and you won't be ready. Trust me, I know what and where you will go and do." This makes me shrink back into my non-existent shell.

After Jacob walks out I look at what he has given me, my eyes bulge out whenever I see what I have. What on earth?! I'm not a stripper? Why on earth is this what he gave me?! Instead of putting them on I just sit there, and cry some more. The door bursts open to a blazing furious Jacob, and I then know I'm in deep shit. I fall limp, knowing something is about to happen. "Why the hell aren't you dressed?" He slurs, he must've been downstairs drinking, not surprising. He's been drinking since he was about 12, taking any bottle we had of whiskey from Mom and Dad's stash and drinking all night. Jacob is about 8 years older than me, so I was about 4 when he drank, he got me to drink, and because of that I drink maybe a bit too much than I should, but not enough to where I'm drunk 24/7 or completely reek of it. But, to be honest, I am more worried about Madi or someone else finding out about that habit then my health. I could die, and I'd be alright... Sighing, I just shrug my shoulders to Jacob.

"That's not an acceptable answer, missy." He stretches out the word "missy" quite a bit. He then steps closer to me, and I back up, knowing what he was going to do next. He keeps walking to me, and soon, unfortunately, I reach the back wall, and I know I'm out of room to do anything. I try and fight back against him, but he has such a grip I just stop, and prepare for the blow. He rears back and throws a punch into my gut then into my face. I lose my breath and start hyperventilating. He repeatedly kicks my shins, which I'm pretty sure are almost broken, at least severely bruised. "You better cover up anything and get dressed, unless you want this to happen again. He chucks some random make up, he probably stole from one of his sluts. Whimpering, I get up and start getting ready.

After getting on the clothing I didn't like at all, I feel naked, and empty. I feel violated, I walk out to where my brother seems to be pissed as hell at the doorway. He pushes me out the door, and stumbles after me, he must still be part drunk. I sigh, I can't ride with him, he'll crash... But, he pushes me in anyways. I bang on the window a couple times, but he threatens to hit me if I break his car. As we drive I notice we are back in the city again. It must take maybe half an hour to get to the city from "home." We slowly come to a stop and I stare out the window, trying to figure out where we are at, but its too dark, and all I can hear is music. Then, realizing I am facing out the wrong window, I turn to the other side and all of the sudden it's like someone flipped on the light switch for that half of the road. I figure out we are at a bar, oh dear. Suddenly, I piece things together, my brother is taking me as his slut. How disturbing! His own sister! Ew! He opens my door and puts on the fakest grin I've ever seen...

We walk into the bar, and I'm soon greeted with the smell of beer and whiskey. Oh, how I did and didn't miss this smell. Jacob pulls me to the side and snarls to me, "you better do as I say, or you'll regret it, you'll stay by my side the whole time, and act friendly. Tell anyone about your situation, and I might just send you away forever. You should be grateful I haven't fucking killed you yet, because we both know how much you want to die, and how much I want you to die. Now, let's go!" He half pulled-half walked me over to his, buddies? I don't know what to call them.

We go and sit and the booth, I keep staring down, but soon I hear someone cough out their drink. Ignoring it, I keep my head down, until I get a nudge in my rib, I put on a smile and look up. "Ooh, Jacob, who is this pretty lady we have here?" says the older guy. "This is JayCee, I met her at the shops yesterday. Hot, right?" I mentally gag at this part. What a sick boy Jacob is... "How much for her?" I gasp, he's selling me?! "She's new so I'll throw in a low of 2k." "Alr-" "I'll pay you 12k!" Says a younger voice. I look over, and see who it is, oh no. Not him. "12k, eh?" He nods vigorously. I tug at Jacob's sleeve, hoping to get his attention, but he just swats my hand away. I sigh, I then write down on a napkin: bathroom, please. Jacob grunts but moves to let me out. "Hey, babe..." Some guy slurs to me and tries to wrap his arm around my waist but I shove it away.

While bumping into a few guys, I finally manage to get to the bathroom. Sighing, I slide to the floor, and let my tears fall again. "Why did you come, why did you have to come here...." I whimper. "Because, I was annoyed with my problems and decided to drink all of them away." The voice says back. I shake my head, frustrated. "I hate you, you know. You hurt me. Y-y-you..." I tremble and just break down, after who knows how long, I just let it all out. He knocks softly on the stall door, "let me in, Car, please." he silently begs. "N-no." "Come on, please. I know what I did, not that I'm completely sorry for everything, but I'm sorry for some of it." The door opens then closes, so I think he walks out, so I open my stall to clean up my face. Instead of walking straight to the sink, I walk straight into a hard body. "Fooled you, darlin'." Noah laughs. I push him off, and try to scurry back into my stall but fail to do so. Before I know it, I am back in the arms of the "hottest" boy in school, Noah Bax, my childhood best friend. I finally relax into his arms, giving up on fighting back.

After sitting there for what seemed like an eternity, I say the thing, I didn't think I could ever say in person, "I'm sorry, Noah, I am so sorry!" Then, the tears start falling again. "It's okay, it's okay... Sh..." He mumbles into my hair. He just hugs me tightly, the whole time. Soon, all I see is the door fly open, and in comes a Jacob. Furious as hell, oh dear. "Where's my money, little boy?" He snarls. Noah pulls out a check and starts writing down the amount. I give him a curious and worried look, wondering where he got that type of money. He gives me a sly knowing grin, like he knows what he is doing. I raise my eyebrows, and he just shakes his head and laughs silently. "Alright, man. Do what you want, she's yours." With that, Jacob walks out and disappears.

"Let us go, Madame." Noah playfully holds his hand out for me, I don't take it though, I'm not completely sure on the relationship between us, from before. Nor am I ready to put it all behind me because of him "saving" me, nope, uh huh. He just sighs and drops his head and hand. I give him an apologetic look, he just shrugs his shoulders.

With that, we decide to stay at the bar and drink some more. I order another beer, even though I don't care for it. Oh, well. As I continue to drink, for maybe the 5th round, I'm completely trashed. Though the slight sober part me realizes, Noah has barely drank anything at all, maybe 1 or 2 beers, but right now he has water. Oh, wait, he's driving, how smart of him.

Soon, he asks me a question, that sober Carsyn never would answer, but since drunk Carsyn is here, it's no a filter time... "So, Carsyn, why did you end our friendship? Why did you push me away?" "Oh, that's easy!" I giggle, wait, I giggled?! Soon, before I know it, words come tumbling out without my consent... "With me being kicked out, everyone talking shit 'bout me, and Jacob making my life living hell, you didn't deserve my baggage, nor my depressed self. To be honest, you still don't." Why am I sharing this?! "Oh, Carsyn, you shouldn't have to keep these types of things from everyone! You need to focus on your well-being, not about everyone else, damn it!" "But, I do need to! Who cares about me? I sure as hell don't, I'll just drink my life away, that's that, but if someone is hurt or in trouble because of me, damn it, I'll run far away. I just want to protect everyone! Fuck!" This has set his eyes ablaze, I'd done it, now. But what I said was pure truth, you know the saying... "Carsyn Freaking Jones! You matter, you matter to me! I hate admitting it but, I-I loved you! Damn!" With that he storms away... What had I done?

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Oof. Oof. Oof. Oof. Foo. Foo. Foo