Chapter 11 - Ethan POV

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Chapter 11Ethan's POV

Carsyn scared the shit out of me when she leapt out of my car... God! I barely know her, but I don't know what I would've done had she also gotten hurt! I rushed into the hospital to find a trembling Carsyn at the front desk, probably trying to find Noah. She didn't get to see the shape Noah was in, but I did, and let me say, it wasn't very good. So, he's probably in a major surgery, which is only going to tear Carsyn apart since she won't be able to know what state he's in.

I might've walked in the hospital a bit angrily, still frustrated with Carsyn, so I probably scared her when I yelled at her. ...I did, she froze and tensed in her place as soon as she saw me upset and frustrated. When I looked into her eyes, what did I see..? Was it fear? Did I look that frustrated? Soon enough, the tears began spilling out of her eyes. My god, she looked so vulnerable as she fell to the cold hospital floor, knees pulled into her chest.

I walked over to her and engulfed her small frame into a hug, in an attempt to soothe her. As we sat there, the receptionist asked if she needed to get a nurse or something to help Carsyn. I decided to just let Carsyn be, and told the receptionist 'no.' I then picked her up and brought her towards the waiting room seats, carefully setting her down into one of the chairs. As soon as I set her down, she began to move, and reached for my arm, I just slipped my arm out of her grasp, leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

I began my search for the hospital's cafeteria, in hopes it'd have coffee or something else refreshing or energizing to get my mind off of the situation. Finally, I found the cafeteria, pushing open the double-door to find quite a few people scattered around the room at different tables. I walk up the counter to retrieve my coffee, also getting a hot chocolate for me to bring back to Carsyn, then shuffle towards an empty area, and sit down at a table. I tried my best to recall what the driver of the vehicle that hit Noah looked like, but nothing clear came to my mind. I didn't get to see them too well, since they sped off soon after hitting him. I could at least tell it was a man, but nothing else.

I took another sip of my coffee as I got lost in my thoughts, something that I've tried to avoid this entire time. What am I supposed to do now? Not bothering to think anymore, I get up, picking up both cups, then make my way back towards the waiting room. As soon as I make it to the beginning of the hallway, I can see where Carsyn had been, where she's no longer at... Frantically, I look around for her, where are you, Carsyn?! The receptionist must've saw my panic-stricken face because she began to get my attention, "Sir? ...Sir? If you're looking for the girl, she went to the boy's room."

Noah's out of surgery? Already? How long had I been in the cafeteria? I glanced out the nearest window, noticing the sun was now setting, so it must've been nearing dinner time. Hm... Maybe Carsyn's hungry, and I also still need to check on Noah. I head over to the front desk, in order to find out his room number, but soon stop in my tracks as Carsyn comes barreling into me causing me to lose my footing and stumble backwards but catch both of us by grabbing onto the corner of the counter. After stabilizing us, I feel her grip around my waist tighten the slightest bit, as my shirt became soaked. Wait- Soaked? Was Carsyn crying again? Why was she crying?

Is Noah dead?! No! Of course not, she would've came to look for me sooner, right? As if she was listening to my thoughts, Carsyn started to explain and answer my questions. "No, he's not dead, he's o-okay..." Her response came out weak and strangled. Then, if he isn't dead, why is she still crying..? "Then why are you crying?" I apparently asked the wrong question, because she let out another loud cry. I'm so stupid! I just rubbed her back in a soothingly way, and waited for her to tell me why she was crying,

A few minutes passed, it seemed Carsyn had calmed down, she awkwardly stepped away from me, and rubber her hands over her face. "I, uh, sorry about your shirt..." She scratched her neck, ashamed, and kept her gaze locked with the ground. I tilted her chin up, forcing her eyes to look into mine, allowing her to see my sincerity as I told her, "It's alright, trust me, I have plenty of other shirts... I mean, you just made washing it easier for me, I don't have to worry about putting it through the washing machine, only the dryer." I attempted to joke, which she responded with a mock laughter, "Ha-ha..." I feigned being hurt, putting a hand over my heart, "You don't like my joke? I thought they were pretty good, I guess not..." I gave a frown in the end, to make it seem realistic. This time, Carsyn actually let out a small laugh.

But, that moment of joy was short-lived. Carsyn's eyes wandered to the ground in gloom. "Carsyn, what's wrong..?" I wanted to make her happy again, but the depression that showed screamed out 'worthless.' Why couldn't I be useful?! I felt like there was no damn hope for her! "It's just... about Noah." That hit me like a bus ran me over. After this entire time, all she was thinking about was Noah? Since when did she even 'care' in the first place? All my sympathy was thrown out the window and replaced by anger and frustration. But, for Carsyn, I kept my composure. "What happened to Noah?" I finally gained the courage to ask the question.

In that moment, her eyes welled up with tears once more, on the verge of crying. She fought back the tears with her sleeve, which was already stained from a few minutes ago. "Noah... he's... He's in a coma!" She bursted out into a crying fit. I tried to comfort her by taking her into my embrace, but her tears continued to pour out. I let out a sigh, which Carsyn took as a sigh of annoyance, causing her to lash out on me.

"You don't care, do you?! Jeez, Ethan! Who the hell are you! Someone I care about, or someone in general, is in a damn coma, and you let out an annoyed sigh?!" Next thing I know, I'm being slapped right across my cheek, and Carsyn storms off back down the hallway. What am I going to do now? Dang it, I just ruined my chance at anything with her... Well, I tried, and I failed. Just like all the other attempts at doing anything in my life. Why... why is it so hard to do something right? Is it a talent, or a practice, maybe even a religion? Whatever it was... there wasn't a single piece of hope for me. And Carsyn just proved all my points.

I'll never be enough for anyone.

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