Drunk Words Are Sober Thoughts

Chapter 7 - Carsyn POV

CARSYN POV - Chapter 7

I am still walking for who knows how long, and I finally find a hotel, fortunately, I kept some of the cash from my job. I walk in and see if there is an available room and if so, how much did it cost? I find out they have a few different rooms available, only one was in my price range, a single bedroom, and a mini fridge was included. I pay for the room and take the stairs.

Opening the door to my room, I find a surprisingly clean room, with a bed and a mini fridge. I set my backpack down and lay down, sighing. What the hell is wrong with my life, damn... I silently cry, just letting ever single thing I've held flow out. Starting from the fact that I was left alone by Noah, just to die and fend for myself, so maybe I should?

No, no, I can't think that way, no. But, if I did, would it finally be better for everyone else, like Jacob, my parents, and people at school. I mean, I'm just a nuisance, the gum under your shoes... I get up, not being able to fall asleep and head out to a bridge nearby. I just sit there, I sit and stare out, fortunately there is no one else on the road, to notice me. I look down, how far would I fall, if I were to "accidentally" fall, would it be enough?

Trembling, yet again, I stand up, getting ready to fall forever, I hear someone. "Hey! What the fuck are you doing?!" I turn to see a blonde kid, face etched with worry. I immediately run the opposite direction of him, towards the hotel. I notice he is still following me, "hey, stop running!" he shouts at me. "Get the hell away from me!" I whimper and keep running.

I realize I've ran farther than the hotel and now am in the woods behind it. Shit. I hear a rustle to my left, and out comes the blonde. "What were you doing back there?!" Angry, "what do you think?! Trying to help everyone out, but you fucked that up, you know?" "Well, it's not my fault I happened to be taking a jog and saw you!" I'm furious at this point. "Well, maybe you should've just minded your own damn business! Hell, I don't even know who you are?!" "So, instead of saving some girl from killing herself, I should've just kept jogging, pretending I never saw it?!" Yes! That's exactly what I wanted him to do! "Yes!" Sighing. "Well too bad, I didn't do that, so instead I'm staying here. Now where are you staying?" "That hotel." I point towards the hotel. "Oh! I don't live to far from there, I'll just walk you there, and go home." I nod, and begin walking out of the forest.

"Here you are, Madam." He smiles, and bows. I smile back, and thank him. He hugs me, which I awkwardly return, he slips something into my pocket, then walks away. As he walks away, I realize, I never got his name. "Hey! I never got your name!" He shakes his head, a faint sound of laughter comes out of him. "I never got yours, either! But, in this case, my name is Ethan!" Touche, Ethan, touche... "It's Carsyn!" I shout, though I doubt he heard me because he was far away now. I head inside the hotel, and to my room I go.

What was I doing? I gave a stranger my name, I almost killed myself, I ran far away, to where I don't even know where I am... I scream and grunt. I look down to my clock, "6:32" it reads. Ugh, I'm hungry. I decide to head out once again, and down into town.

I look around the city, finding lights strung everywhere, how beautiful. I gaze in awe. There are couples walking, hand and hand, this hurts me. I'll never be able to be loved that way... Finally, after wandering for quite a long time, I come across a restaurant that looks a bit appeasing to me. "How many?" The host asks me. "Just one." My voice comes out a mere whisper, but the host is still able to hear it somehow. He nods his head, telling me to follow him.

He sits me at a booth, I don't like when they do this, in case there is a family or group waiting, they need a booth, a single person does not. I thank him, and he walks away, back to the podium he was at in front. A familiar voice startles me, "hello miss, what can I get you to-" I look up, and our gazes meet. "Ethan! Hey! I didn't know you worked here?" I try to hide my previous mood, by smiling, not a real smile though... "I didn't tell you, I also just met you, so why would you know?" I shrug, and nervously scratch the back of my neck.

"Anyways, what would you like to drink? A beer, margarita?" I shudder at the thought of beer. He notices. "Water?" I nod my head, and silently thank him. He walks away towards the kitchen to get my drink. I take out a pen out of my pocket and doodle on my napkin. Soon after, a drink is slid in front of me. "Thanks." He nods, "no problem. Know what you want to eat?" After quickly skimming over the menu, I nod. "A melted ham and cheese, please?" He grins. "Sure! Let me go enter that in, then I'll come sit and talk with you, you are my last order of the night." He heads off.

A figure slides in across from me, I gasp, as I see a Jacob. But, not really, it's just Ethan. "What?" I shake my head, "n-nothing, nothing at all." I muster up enough energy to half smile. He just nods and begins a conversation with me, which I don't mind for once. "So, how long have you been here?" "Um, I just got here today, how long have you lived here?" He pauses, I presume to count how long. "A few months, I believe." Shocked, it seemed as if he had been here for a while. "Really? It seemed like you've been here far longer than that."

He gives a small smile, "I just adjust easily, my Dad was in the military, so my family moved quite a bit." "Is he still in the military?" I question. He shakes his head. " N-no, he died a few years ago." Oh, oops. "Oh, sorry, that must suck." He smiles sadly, "yeah, just a bit. Tell me about your family." Frantic, my eyes go wide, what do I tell him? The truth? No. "Um, my parents travel around a lot, so I don't see 'em much, my Dad is a bartender, my Mum is a Saleswoman." I mean, part of that is true, I don't seem them much, and my Dad is a bartender. But, my Mum is actually a- Actually I don't even know what my Mum is... Ethan just nods his head. "I get it, I don't see my brother, Mum, nor sister really, either. Do you have any siblings?" Do you have any siblings? The question keeps ringing through my head, what do I say to him? How do I respond to his question? Yes? No? I really wished my sibling didn't exist, but unfortunately I ended up with one. Well, he ended up with me, since I was the mistake.

"Um, no, I don't. I wish I did, though." No, not really, I wish I didn't exist, Jacob does too. Ethan laughs at my comment about me wishing I had one. "No, you don't they get on your nerves like no other." I half smile, it's true though, Jacob does get on my nerves, quite a lot too. So, we continue our conversations, about the most randomest things, like my favorite color, what I do as a hobby, etc. Then all the sudden he stops laughing and looks deep in thought about something. "Do you have a boyfriend, Carsyn?" I stop laughing now, too. Eyes wide, I begin to shoot out of my booth, but Ethan grabs me. I turn, tears brimming my eyes.

He shoots a worried glance at me, I shake my head. "No, I don't, and I never will, okay? Now please let go of me?" He gives me an apologetic smile and releases the grip on my arm. "Thank you." I mumble. I scramble out the door, running back to the hotel. Shoot! I forgot to pay to Ethan. I hurry back, giving my money to the host, telling him to give it to Ethan. Then, run back to my hotel to find Ethan waiting in the lobby.

Our eyes lock, and I immediately freeze up. I get ready to turn around but the voice shouts to me, "Carsyn!" I roll my eyes at Ethan. I hear another familiar voice, "Car!" Oh dear, not him. Frantic I turn to an angry Noah. I'm trapped, by both people on both sides of me... I began hyperventilating, shaking, I didn't know what to do. I did what I know best, which was to run, I pushed past Noah, not knowing where I was running to, I just kept on running, running farther and farther. Soon, I found myself at the bridge, I was near last time. Sighing, I finally take a deep breath from what seemed to be the first one since I left the hotel.

I sit down, feet dangling down on the bridge and stare towards the water. The water looks cold, but yet it looks beautiful. I look up, finding black-birds flying above, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... Six birds, imagine living with six people in one house, that'd be crazy, having so many people running around me. I'd probably have to end up sharing a room, but instead I was misplaced into a happy family of 3. I must've done wrong in my past life, because I got the short end of the straws in this life. And so, I just sat there, not falling asleep, just spacing out every now and then... "Carsyn!" "Car!" I jumped, causing me to fall off the ledge I was sitting on. I fell towards the water, feeling the wind on me. I didn't bother to scream, knowing this would finally be my end. Splash! I went under, hitting my head on something sharp and hard. Soon, everything went black.