Have you ever had that feeling when someone has done you wrong? And you're plotting your revenge, how you're going to ignore them. Or like you just had a big cut somewhere on your body. That's the baggage of un-forgiveness and self blockage of healing.
I narrowed pain and hate into a few sections that I hear most teenage girls talk about.
•The father wounds
•Broken heart
•Absent mom
•Betrayal
•Sexual abuse
•Bullying
•Separation
Hurt is different, some scars are big, others are small. Therefore sometimes it's easier to forgive and heal and sometimes it's not.
I had the feeling of unforgiveness about ten minutes ago.(I did mention I'm learning about myself as I write the book)
I'm helping a friend with a magazine launch. It's a great intiaitative, but it also requires a lot of work and patience espeacially because it's really never been done before in such a way.
Part of the launch is a play, I wrote the acts and he lost the script. He lost my two weeks of hard written work, art in words. I was pissed, really pissed. But the play being a success was more important so I rewrote the entire 20 page play again.
And about ten minutes ago, I heard from people that he thinks the play won't work out because I'm not organized enough.
'I'm not organized enough!'
You can imagine my feelings at that moment. I was working overtime for his vision, going the extra mile and going against my mothers wishes and I was most upset cause the actors were unreliable,in fact this was one of the most frustrating jobs and had to deal with and he thought ' I was unorganized'.
I was just about ready to tear up the script, and was plotting how I would leave and make him feel terrible. Whenever he needed help with Hostile Recast because despite everyone telling me I put in way too much effort for someone who doesn't even see my efforts, I still pushed.
That's when I realized that I was sulking. I was the one hurting and getting bitter, while he was probably somewhere enjoying his time.
It reminded me of quite that said,"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
I had to recognize that he also had a lot on his plate. It had completely slippied my mind what he just might be going through.
So the first step to forgiveness and healing is putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Seeing things from their view. It may not always make sense, but it's important to know that, many times people hurt because they were hurt, or they hurt you without even knowing,which takes me into my second step.
Secondly communication is key. In some cases you can't really speak to the person that hurt you. But to get in their shoes and see things from their point of view, we sometimes need to create the initiative and step out of our comfort zone, we need to speak to them.
Sometimes the people that hurt us are the people around us and sometimes it's the people that we love,that hurt us even though they love us.You need to let them know how you feel and if that doesn't work you can get an initiator to initiate between the both of you.
When I say this, please note forgiveness isn't about the other person and if they did you wrong and you forgive them. It's for your healing process, more than theirs, whether they said sorry or not. Some people might not acknowldge their wrongs or acknowledge you and your efforts to help your hurt and pain. That is why we walk around with scissors baby!
If people don't wanna be in your life, if you have to put in all the work into any type of relationship. Then you need to cut them off, they don't deserve your time. You can't redeem your time if you keep sowing into people's barren soil. Forgive them and if necessary, cut them off.
My friend Ketsia was just saying to me,"Don't mistake happiness for loneliness. In this case she was referring to an intimate relationship with a male,but this can easily be applied in our every day lives with all relationships .
So many people are broken and hurting in relationships, but why?
Why are your scissors steady chilling when you have all this unforgiveness and all these unnecessary relationships when you can just cut it off.
Yes I get that some things are harder and tougher to cut, but if you don't start cutting now it's gonna take you longer to get rid of it and it's slowing that glow up girl.
Since I mentioned glow up. Can we please recognize the definition as in "Inward growth that activates and outside glow." courtesy of the 'HER Journal' dictionary.(insert laughing emoji)
Thirdly revenge is not for you. Some people want to revenge their pains and hurt. And you know what that looks like, a collision of roller coasters. Don't set yourself up for a setback. Forgiving them is easier. Your road is too long for unnecessary collisions.
I've noticed something about the healing process of the cuts on my wrist. First, the fresh wounds turn dry and in about a day or two the dry parts peel off.
Much like when we're hurt, when we refuse to forgive. It's like peeling off those dry wounds before they peel themselves off.Intern we just end up bleeding more.
Where as if we allowed ourselves time to heal and forgive without trying to peel the dry skin off, then they would have fallen off themselves. A lot of the times we go through post-pain which is very uneccesary, because we want to force forgiveness or speed up a slow process.
Then after they fall off you're left with scars and scars are there for a while, but they don't hurt. They are a constant reminder of our pain sometimes even when the scars are no longer physical? we have emotional scars in our hearts and minds.
Luckily we can either dwell on that thought and deepen the scars or we can simply remind ourselves constantly that we are forgiving.It's a long process, but it's better than baggage.
Unforgivenss is like baggage. Every time you refuse to forgive you just add more weight to your roller coaster.
Make it a habit to forgive everyday before going to sleep. The Bible says : don't let the sun go down while you still have a heavy heart, release your heart from the baggage of unforgiveness.
Cast your burdens unto the lord... Speak to someone about your feelings.
I'm not saying rant and shame the other person, I'm saying cry and let your pain and hurt play out instead of your anger and hate.
The real step of forgiveness that will lead you to healing is knowing how, when and which type of method to use in order to forgive someone. Cutting off someone who you have already forgiven,but who hasn't even acknowledged there wrongs.
But you need to heal, you need to grow and holding on to baggage is gonna slow down your roller coaster. Slowing down the entire process and lord knows it takes a lot of work to hold a grudge and carry the burden of unforgiveness it's not easy but let it go.
Forgiving honestly takes practice, the more you do it, the better you become at it.
Hope your enjoying the book lovelies 💜🙂🙂
Please note this book has only been edited by a few friends so please just let me know if you find errors.
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