tragedy of existence(mid night poetry part 2)

era of silence

Era Of Silence

Cascading glares swim around my whole body

Searching for some kind of flaw that I might have

But they don't realize that my life is the problem entirely 

I can hardly keep on hiding all of the imperfections I secretly grasp

Denial is simple / If you say so

Pretending is impossible / I can't let you know

So I no longer speak for myself

No,   not   anymore

I feel that I deserve this hell

My   pure   torture

-

I'm just too snared by the knives in my back

No one wanted to accept me for who I really was

That's why I had no choice but to put up this wounded act

But I guess that's what the feeling of losing everybody does

Guilt is truly consuming / If you succumb to it

Sympathy is harshly damaging / The infliction is endless

I always put myself last

But   first   to   feel   the   carnage

I let peace slip through my hands

I   hate   being   so   goddamn   selfless

-

I hold my head up high toward the sky

So the tears will eventually drip down into my chest

I refuse to allow the ones who did this see me break down and cry

But they always have their way, so I will give them my very last breath

Fear can be so controlling / I was not brave enough

Hope can be an illusion / I want to just give up

My friendships were so double-edged

But   I   didn't   want   to   be   alone

Abandonment can never be reversed

Because   the   damage   will   be   done

-

I've forgotten what my own voice sounds like

Because it's been so long now that I've done this

I don't know how much longer I can stand this kind of life

My real self must have died somewhere along this era of silence