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I took in the fresh air for many moments. The feeling was amazing and it saddened me to have to do this without my family. If I had to describe being in Rome in two words it would definitely be cultural shock. I thought I knew the world or at least a small bit of what it offered—but I don't. It's so complex that I don't think anyone can say they know it in and out but rather bits and parts of a memory that's warm to the heart when they travel.
I believe that these places hold special memories because they are spaces where people go to get away from their own reality. In a more precise explanation what I mean is that I can sometimes despise my country, city and neighborhood because it's associated with a lifetime of pain, hurt and in some cases injustices but others could love it because it is not a place they call home but instead a place they call a getaway. We often grow tiresome of the same thing and that's when the beauty of traveling comes in to play.
Everything is different: The food, the people, the language and the music. It is truly a beautiful city but every which way I go they hear my accent and walk away. I guess they ain't fucking with Trump or us either. I just laugh it off though. They must not know that coming from New York means that I'm accustomed to rude behaviors.
I sat on the balcony of my hotel suite and took in the beauty of the both contemporary yet modern view. Everything was beautiful and bright. With the setting sun turning the sky a perfect ombrè mixture of purple and blue, the vibe was complete. I sat drinking out a clear wine glass. Moscato was my bestfriend since I planned on utilizing room service and staying in. Traveling isn't much fun alone. There isn't anyone to talk to, shop with or take your photos. Maybe the wine just had me here thinking too heavy.
My flight alone had me thinking about how to build myself and in the mist of thinking the infamous phrase " Rome wasn't built in a day" came to mind. Rome definitely was not built in a day and that is why the beauty is so immense and breathtaking. I can't be fixed in an hour nor a weekend vacation. I had some real life issues to sit down and tackle but I know happiness can still be found through it all. New York definitely will be seeing me soon. I want to tackle my problem head on.
I made a big mistake cheating. I was being idiotic. I saw how much mistakes Ambrosine made and in my eyes it just made her relationship stronger. My relationship was nowhere near perfect and had minimal drama so I thought 'why not?'—I just felt so alone. Speaking out on my loneliness didn't help either, so I did something dumb— Cheating. I was longing for attention whether it was negative or positive.
My logic is not perfect, hell it's ignorant as hell but if it never happened I would have never been trying to live my best life.
You see, it wasn't just my relationship but me just in general. I was— I am lost. I don't know what I want to do or what I will have to solidify myself and pass on to my children but I'm destined to find that.
