Starting New - Xxxtentacion

Chapter 12 - How I Feel

As I sat on the couch, I heard the door bell ring. I groaned. I just sat down. I heard no one coming down stairs or from down the hall to get it so I got up. When I opened the front door, I saw Ki standing there. I moved over for him to walk into the house.

"Hey" he said stepping into the house. I shut the door and stared up at him.

"Hi" I said back quietly. "Some of the boys are in the back-" he cut me off.

"I didn't come here for them" he told me.

"Then let me get one of them for you so you have a reason to be here" I said rudely and started walking to the back door. He followed and grabbed my arm making me stop walking.

"The fuck is your problem with me all the sudden?" He snapped at me. "Stas I ain't do nothing" I pulled my arm away and faced him.

"Oh you didn't do nothing? Ight Ight" I said nodding and fake laughed. "I explained to you why I distanced myself and said I got over my feelings for you. Then you go and say all your feelings for me and saying you broke up with your girl because of me which we both know that ain't true-" he cut me off.

"That was true. What, I can't tell you how I feel about you?" He asked me.

"You can, but everything you said then kissing me-" again he cut me off. Can he stop?

"You kissed back!" He yelled. He's getting really pissed off. And now we're fighting again. "You tryna mess with my feelings too?"

"No Ki it's not like that and you know it"

"Oh do I? Nah I don't. If you used to be so in love with me, you woulda felt something. It must be because of X or if there-"

"Stop mentioning him!" I yelled.

"Exactly it's about him!" I groaned.

"It's not! You can't do this shit! You're straight up messing with my feelings" I yelled at him and he stepped closer to me. He took a deep breath and tried to grab my hand.

"Stas" I pulled it away. "Bruh stop playing! How the fuck am I messing with you?" I heard the back door open, I think, but I ignored it. I don't even know if it was the door, but I don't care right now.

"Saying all that shit about having feelings for me, breaking up with your ex, kissing me! Trying to get me to, what, fall in love with you again? Nah nah you can't do this shit to me!" I said and shoved him. "I used to be in love with you, Ki! I let that go! You tryna bring those feelings back, but you can't. You won't. I'm done with it. You were suppose to be my best friend and that's all!"

"Oh you so in love with me in the past right? That's why you were fucking Trevon, my best fucking friend. Y'all were acting fake as fuck. He knew my feelings for you" he yelled back. I shoved him again.

"Yo chill" I heard Jahsehs voice. Him and Stokeley came up to us and Jahseh stepped in the middle. He was facing me. "Relax. Relax. You're fine" he said to me. I sighed and looked away.

"Get out Kimetrius" I told him using his full name. I never do that.

"Stas I'm s-" I cut him off.

"Get out" I said quietly and walked up the stairs. I walked into my room and felt a tear drop. I never cry, but Ki always makes me do. He's the only one that makes me cry. I don't understand how.

"Hey" I heard Jahsehs voice. I sat on the bed then looked down at the spot next to me then back at Jah. He sat down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "You okay?" He asked. I shook my head. "You crying?" I looked up at him and nodded. He looked sad too. But why? "Come here" He said quietly and started to wrap his arm around my shoulders so I scooted closer and leaded my head on his shoulder. "Wanna talk about it?" He asked.

"No" I mumbled. Between him holding me and the peace and quiet, I felt more calm.

"Stas are you-" Stokeley stopped talking as he saw me and Jahseh. "Are you okay?" He asked me and leaned against the door frame.

"Yeah" I said back and didn't move.

"He won't leave" he told me.

"Ill go talk to him" Jahseh said and moved his arm from around me and stood up. I quickly grabbed his arm making him look down at me.

"No you don't need too" I told him.

"No, but I want too" He said back and walked out of the room. I quickly stood up and went to walk out of the room, but Stokeley stopped me.

"They ain't gonna fight" he said making me roll my eyes. Then you don't know Skies. He will fight anyone that starts with him over me. I walked past him and started running down the stairs. I saw Jahseh start walking over to Ki and Isaiah who are by the front door.

"Jahseh stop" I said to him making Ki and Isaiah look up at us.

"She wants you to leave man" Jah said to him.

"Y'all together?" Ki asked with a chuckle.

"No, but that don't mean I don't care about her" Jahseh said back.

"She means the fucking world to me bro. I'm not leaving because she's just mad. I love her and I've known her for way too long for me to just abandon her when she's get pissed at me for being a dumbass" Ki told him. I sighed.

"Bruh she pushed you and yelled at you to get out" Jah said and laughed at him. "What don't you get?" I should stop them.

"Did you not hear what I said?" Ki said back getting really annoyed. He shook his head and looked up to see I'm still standing here. "Anastasia I'll admit I'm in love with you, but I've hid it before and I'll keep doing it because I know you aren't in love with me no more, I get that, but I love you as a person also. I don't wanna lose you over me being a little bitch. You mean too fucking much to me" he told me.

"Just get out nigga" Jahseh said as I want to talk. I looked over at Jah shocked.

"Let the girl talk damn" Ki said back. I quickly got in between them, but faced Ki.

"We can talk outside, okay?" I said back. He nodded and took steps back. I faced Jahseh who was looking at me confused.

"Five minutes ago, you wanted him out" he said and I sighed.

"I know I know. It's just we've known each other since we were like four and what he said just really got to me" I told him. He nodded like he understands. I know he doesn't. I walked outside and Ki looked down at me. He looked upset. "I love you too and I forgive you. I just want to be friends Ki"

"That's fine. I just ain't tryna lose you" He told me.

"I know"