Starting New - Xxxtentacion

Chapter 43 - Don't Want To Be Hurt Anymore.

Jahseh: when you gonna be home?

Me: that's all you gotta say??

Jahseh: yeah because we can talk when you get home

Me: so it's true

Jahseh: I didn't say that

Me: you didn't have to

Jahseh: stop
Jahseh: ski said you're on your way home , how far are you?
Jahseh: Stas come on
Jahseh: Babe

Me: why are you still texting me

Jahseh: you don't see me mad bout the post talking bout you and Skies

Me: that's because I didn't cheat on you with him and you know that

Jahseh: do I tho

Me: fuck you mean? you know damn well I didn't
Me: and i never would
Me: you keep on doubting me when I never doubted you once
Me: well now I am bc I don't trust you

Jahseh: you're over reacting you needa chill Stas fr
Jahseh: whatever maybe you shouldn't trust me

Me: well I don't
Me: don't tell me to chill. I'm not over reacting

Jahseh: "Supposably they both cheating on each other"
Jahseh: "Stas and @lilskies have been "best friends" forever but to everyone else it seems more than just that"
Jahseh: I didn't get mad when reading that shit because ik you well enough to know you wouldn't cheat on me

Me: good because I would never. and I didn't feel the same way when reading that shit and seeing the picture the girl posted of you two. jahseh that was a little over a week ago when you went to that stupid party when I stayed home. you came home and didn't even check on me like you usually do when you go out without me. you were wearing the same clothes as you were in that picture

Jahseh: im sorry

_______

He cheated.

I know he did. He hasn't even denied it yet and after what I sent him all he said was 'I'm sorry'. I can not be put in a relationship like that again.

I felt the car come to a stop and I looked up to see I'm home. I thanked the driver before getting out. I don't want to see Jahseh. I don't want to talk to him. I walked into the house and saw Stokeley and Isaiah standing up whispering. Their attention went to me and they stopped whispering.

"Hey" Isaiah said to me as he nodded his head at me.

"Sup Stas" Stokeley said then took a sip of the drink in his hand. Probably Henny.

"You guys knew didn't you?" I asked them both.

"Knew what?" Stokeley asked me.

"That Jahseh cheated on me" I told him. I saw a little bit of guilt in Stokeleys eyes. I scoffed and shook my head. "Did you both know?" I repeated.

"I don't know what you're talking about"
Isaiah said slowly like he didn't know if he should be saying that. That's how I knew he's lying. They both knew.

"You see it's-" I cut Stokeley off.

"Another one- or should I say two more closest friends to hide something like this. Again this happened to me. First with Ki and Trevon, now you guys and Jahseh. Thank you for staying loyal to me unlike my loving boyfriend upstairs. I can't believe you guys. I get you're his best friend, but you're also mine" I ranted then quickly walked upstairs before either of them could say something. As I got upstairs, I saw Trunks and Jah walk out of Trunks room. Trunks widened his eyes then walked back into his room.

"Stas-"

"No" I went to open my door, but Jahseh grabbed onto my arm. "Let me go" I said trying to pull my arm away. He wouldn't let go or even loosen his grip.

"No because we have to talk about this" he said still not letting go of my arm.

"There's nothing to talk about"

"Yes there is"

"No there's not, Jahseh. You cheated on me and this relationship is over" I told him loudly. He quickly started to pull me roughly into his room. "Are you kidding? Let me go" I said as we got into his room and I tried to pull away. He took a deep breathe and let go of my arm. I quickly put my hand on where his hand just was and rubbed my arm. That fucking hurt.

"I didn't have sex with her" he told me. I crossed my arms and just stared at him. "We all got really drunk and she got on me and started to kiss me and yes, I did kiss back at first, but then I quickly pulled away and the boys and I left" he explained to me. Doesn't make it okay because they still kissed. He still had another girls lips on his.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why couldn't you be honest?" I asked quietly. I looked down at the ground as I waited for his answer. I don't want to look at him.

"Honestly, I was scared too" he started. I slowly looked up at him. "With everything that happened these past two months, I didn't want to add another thing to why you're so sad. I didn't want to have you hurt anymore"

"So you thought letting me find out on my own was a better choice?" I asked him getting more annoyed again, but keeping my voice at a lower tone so we don't start yelling at each other. He shook his head and stepped closer to me.

"No not at all. I just didn't know when to tell you. I didn't think it'd get out and you'd find out like this. I told the guys not to say anything because I wanted to be the one to tell you" he told me. I sighed and looked away. I felt his hands on my face and then he made me look at him. "Stas I'm sorry. I really fucking am"

"Thank you" I said quietly. He started to lean in, but I pulled his hands off me. "Don't kiss me" I said in the same quiet tone.

"Why?"

"Because it's not okay. You still cheated. I'm not going through this again-" he cut me off.

"Stas I will never ever do this again. I promise. I'm not him. I'm not Trevon. He didn't care about you and love you like I do" Jah begged.

Wait did he just-

He said I love you once, but it wasn't an 'I'm in love with you'. It was just an 'I love you' because he cares deeply for me. Not in love.

"You love me as a person, don't compare the two-" again he cut me off.

"No Anastasia. No, not just as a person. I'm falling for you" He told me. I shook my head even though I'm falling for him too.

"Not if you can cheat on me" I managed to say even though I want to tell him I feel the same way. But I'm hurt right now so I'm not even going to admit it to him.

"Please stop. It's been fucking tearing me up thinking about it" he said as he grabbed my hands. I sighed. "It was a mistake. I'm human. Mistakes will be made. That's part of life"

"I know that and I believe that too, but cheating doesn't cut with me. It shouldn't with you either since you know exactly what it's like to get cheated on and hurt from it" I said back. I didn't pull my hands away because besides being mad at him, I love his touch.

"Exactly why I was so scared to tell you. I couldn't see you hurt again" The stress of all of this made a few tears come to my eyes. I tried to blink them away, but they fell making Jahseh look even more upset.

"I-" I took a deep breath. "I can't be dealing with this real now. I'm going to bed" I said and went to turn around, but he quickly put his hands on my waist and pulled me to him. "Jahseh stop. Please" I begged as I felt some more tears fall. I ain't tryna cry in front of him. He pulled me even closer.

"I don't want you going to sleep upset" he said and wiped my tears.

"I guess you'll have to manage" I said pulling myself away from him. He didn't stop me this time as I walked out of his room.

What is this shit? I didn't think he'd be the one to cheat, but thought the same way about Trevon. I'm over this shit. I don't want to be hurt anymore.

Now all I'll think about is Jahseh with another girl.