Emotional Writings Dump

Passage 2

Who To Blame?

You laugh a little louder around them
You trip a little more around them
You want them to see you
To notice you
To thank you for setting you up and on you're way for the past two years
Besides, you haven't spoken since you last betrayed them
It was your fault
You did them good but they did you one better
It was your fault
They seem to still trust you half-heartedly
You trust them more
As always it was your fault
You want them to look your way
You want them to talk to you the way they used to
You want them to remember
You want it all back
But they betrayed you because you betrayed them
You want to apologize
You need to apologize to them
They saved you and you need to tell them everything
You made mistakes without them
You made those mistakes when you needed them the most
You want it back
It's not like you don't see them ever
On a good note, they're alive and have prospered without you
They don't need to thank you
You could have been with them for the past two years and not had to remake your world and remake mistakes you never made

They made mistakes too
Without you
Where were you
They needed you as you needed a shoulder to cry on
It's all your fault
They still smile and so do you
You promised them you would wait those two years
Only two little years
It's still a lot of time
Two years
You need a shoulder to cry on to this day
You needed one more a year ago
You still pass them in the halls
They smile and so do you
They too have to live with the hurt of seeing you with new friends
Well to be fair some of them are old friends that you got to bond with more
You had no time to bond with them before they were stripped from you
You need that time but you don't have it
Of course, you lost contact with them
You never keep connections any more than you have before
It's all your fault
This rock in a pit of guilt that will never subside until you fix it
I'm sure people are buried every day with a rock in their stomach
Will you join them?
You'll have to
You have no nerve to fix anything in your life
It's
All
Your
Fault
It always will be
If only you had pulled the trigger
If only you had shed blood that one night
You were ready
You strongly believed that no one would miss you
And no one will when you take yourself
That's it
You're done
Nothing anyone says will take you back and remove the dirt from the hole you buried yourself in
Besides you never have for anyone so why would they care now
The rock is still there
The rock is still your fault
Your being
Your doing
It's your fault
It's all your fault
It always will be
That rock now no longer has the right to leave your pit of a heart
You're broken
You broke yourself
It's your life choices
They'll never forgive you
Not for the suffering you also endured
Not for the betrayal, you have also endured
Not for the heart, you have also broken
Not for anything
Nothing
It's your sins
Your doing

It's all your fault

[My Jesus I haven't seen this sweet pea in a long while, I believe this was the summer of 2017. This little passage was all directed towards one perra that I can sadly say, was one of my first best friends. Get used to her, I have plenty more passages where that came from about her.]