Emotional Writings Dump

Passage 9

Alright kids, I don't remember much but I think this one gets a bit......fuzzy....and probably super personal if ya know what I mean.

2/21/18 My Favorite Fantasy

My favorite fantasy is her. Sadie. How bad of a person I become when I think of her. If I ever meet her, that might just be the end of me. To say I want to simply kiss her is so much of an understatement, though it is a safer way to put it. My friends believe I'm somewhat innocent butttt....oh boy. I hate myself. Hopefully, no one ever finds this or reads it. Or reads it out loud. If any of those are the case, enjoy, I'm going to continue now.     I've never had my first kiss so for no reason, I think about it all the time. I stay up late reading inappropriate fan-fictions and sometimes watch naughty movies. To be fair, I haven't in a while. So what, like a month? It doesn't help that I now possess a stunning and perfect girlfriend, just for me. When little things happen, like I talk about getting to touch her, or feel her, or smell her short soft beautiful hair for the first time, my thoughts get a little... well, I did it in that sentence. My point, (not that I have one, this is just meh thoughts,) I really want to kiss her. There's so much I want to do. I would be the dominant one in bed if our relationship ever comes to that, but to be fair, I don't know what I'd be doing. I don't know how to French kiss or anything like that. I'd kiss her neck though, her strong collarbone that she keeps hidden by a choker, and her beautiful shoulder blades. I'd kiss her jawline, I'd kiss every inch of her face, ear to ear. If allowed, I'd kiss her stomach or her chest. Goshhhh ahhh what'm I saying? I'm such a bad person. It would be nice to share a bed with her. I hope she knows that she can lay on any part of me that she so pleases. My shoulder, my arm, I'm even fine if she wants to rest her feet anywhere. Oh man, there was this one time, it's been happening, that she and I were FaceTiming and she'd be getting changed. She has a place in her closet that she can prop up her phone so she can keep talking with people while changing. Well, she was changing once, her phone on the stand, and she was removing her shirt. She'd moved from the frame but I could still see those godforsaken shoulders. Not much else though. I looked away immediately, trying to be a good girlfriend. After all, this was like, within the first week that we had been dating sooo. I'm not sure if she knew I could see her a bit but when I looked back at the screen for a second, (she was explaining something, I keep good eye contact, even if I can't see her eyes,) she moved away entirely from the frame, about the same time that I looked away. I'm a good person, I shouldn't see her indecent.... but I regret looking away. Sadie is my favorite fantasy come true. I try to calm my urges by reading lesbian smut fanfics. Either they're not good fanfics, or they're not working... I need help. It would be so nice to slip my tongue into her mouth while we kiss. To hear her moan in my ear, or feel her body shutter. It would be heaven just enough to hold her hand while we walk around an amusement park, and get a spot in line. It would be so lovely to rest my arms on her shoulders and then drag them back so they cross over her chest, hugging her tight. Sadie would be my most fantastic, most favorite fantasy.

[Wowie wow that was a good one huh? I wrote that for the same girl again and there are plenty more to come! Fun fact, after I wrote that she never got to see this one. I wanted to wait to give it to her, but I never brought it up and decided to use it as a birthday present. Unfortunately by the time it was her birthday, we had broken up.....
Also word of the wise, we had a very safe relationship and asked each other questions before we did anything or said anything, writing these was a way I often asked her things. Her way was a magical Snapchat land called Awkwardvill where we could ask each other anything but awkwardly. She one time asked who the dominant one in our relationship should be (we didn't really fall into place, it was kinda just two bottoms in love) and I personally thought it should've been her but I was willing to do anything for her so I said I'd do it. But after that experience with her, I can fully announce that I'm NOT a top at all. Even though I said it in there, it wasn't true after we met and isn't true. Anyhow I've had that one buried in there a while.]