Emotional Writings Dump

Passage 4

The Reason I Write

I never quite knew when I started writing my feelings down
Pouring my heart into line after line
Sentence after sentence
Waiting for someone to read me as easily as I write these words
I suppose it all began the second time I had ever scored/succeeded at love
The first time was easy, I didn't have to do anything really but just stand there all strange and awkward as my first best friend forever presented me with my first boyfriend ever
The second time was not even a year later and I had never spoken to her or thought of her, but there was one time when my second love broke my heart for the third and final time
It was at that time that I needed to tell her everything
This was a person who knew everything about me
Then suddenly nothing about me two years later
I was scared the first time I came home after my siblings found out I was in a relationship with my second love
I was scared because I had been through this before and did not want to do so again
Lying to my parents drove my sister insane
Sharing a room with her as well as a life was a pain
She already didn't like me
So when she got wind of my relationship with my first love, she got angry
She didn't like lying but I forced her to
She lied to our parents about my being in a relationship
The rule is we're not allowed to date
I made her promise me she wouldn't tell them
This year, I believe, is when I finally told my parents about my past relationships
They didn't mind at all
The second time I was in a relationship my sister wanted to know everything about why I was in one with HIM
She asked why I liked him
I didn't know
She asked what I liked about him
I didn't know
She asked how I started dating him and to be honest
I didn't know and I don't know
But on the night of the news, she managed to make me write it down ( rather I wrote it all as I could not confront her verbally )
I wrote out every detail I could muster up from my emotionally wrecked mind
To this day I read through it and I remember everything as I do so
All the random thoughts that came along with it
All the details
All the first time in love star-struck girl
All of it
I remember
And now I always can
I had hardly written down anything for the rest of seventh grade and on through the beginning of eighth grade
Sometimes when I write I don't write down all my thoughts because my hand is simply not as fast as my brain and my emotions
Recently I have been quite good at writing a lot of my thoughts down, almost all
Even more recently, I have unfortunately been spaced out with my thoughts and can't write them down
I first started writing my thoughts down toward the middle of the end of eighth grade
I had the emotional right to do so
As I wrote I wondered when I first began as I realized I had a fair amount of skill
Only now have I realized when I started
After having written;
Who To Blame?
Why is smiling so contagious?
And now this one
I write when something is the matter in my life and my constant thought is of that matter
Normally for me, my thoughts confuse me as so many members come back
Or the matter is tearing me apart as my two wolves within continue to fight
I write to straighten it all out
Sometimes I write to straighten out my feelings.

[Alright I actually like this one. It's well written and easy to read, good job past me. Also it's so much fun to reread all these. Like I kind of remember the title and maybe a feeling following it but I never really remember what I say, it's a bit of an adventure. Like I'm reading/writing it for the first time.]