Rosie's Diary

The House

May 12, 2001

I quit my job at the dorm today and I'm going home for the summer.

I can't stay here by myself. Paige left an hour ago and even though my manic-depressive bullshit has left our friendship warped and bruised, I can already feel her absence. I'm tired of pieces being cut from me and I'm not going watch June leave next and then stay here like everything's okay. It'll be too much silence, too much time to think about all the things I want and can't have.

May 15, 2001

June and I finished packing everything. The empty white rooms are telling me it's over. I'm glad they agree with me. Chad's taking June to the airport soon. I don't know what I'm going to do until I leave tomorrow. I've gotten so used to watching everyone live their lives. I don't want to be here alone.

May 16, 2001 - 5:46 pm

THEY REDECORATED MAMA'S KITCHEN!

I took one look at all the new shit all over the fucking place and lost my mind. I dropped my stuff and exploded through the house looking for my father so he could explain himself, but instead discovered AC leaving the bathroom in her robe. Even though I froze in my tracks, my soul jumped out of my body and ran screaming at her. She knew she was caught! They weren't expecting me, I didn't tell them I was coming to my own fucking house, which I should be able to do at ANY TIME without them CHANGING SHIT!

I can't calm down. I wanted to take a drink from a bottle ANYTHING I found in the closet, but I saw 'dead mother' scribbled above the word 'tequila' on that giant bottle and fucking really lost my shit. Busted the closet door by kicking it off its hinge and then stood over it like it was a kill.

I want to be calm before I leave this room again, and if I can think of one good reason WHY they would change the kitchen and why AC has been living here because she MUST be staying here if she's walking around in boxers and a fucking a robe at 5 in the afternoon, then I will be calm and okay and I won't kill anyone. It was a fucking mistake to come back home.

11:38 pm

AC was sitting at the kitchen table with her elbows pressing into a brand-new tablecloth with creases still in it. On the counter is a new yellow bowl full of fruit. The green wire bowl that has been there my entire life is gone.

There are new yellow and orange sugar and flour canisters, a new yellow vase holding sunflowers, a new bright red towel on the oven door handle and a brand new rug with bright red and orange flowers on it . . . covering what was once bare floor. Covering the spot where I found Mama.

My knees buckle. AC grabs me just in time, and tries to help me to a chair at the kitchen table but I resist.

She says, "Your father is away for his birthday . . . for a few days, he needed to get away . . . he's camping."

"He's gonna be back, for tomorrow, for her—" I start to cry. AC again tries to lead me to a seat at the kitchen table but I push away from her. "He'll be here tomorrow?" I ask again.

"Yes," she says. And then, "I didn't remodel, I . . . I freshened up the place, I guess."

"This isn't your house!" I erupt.

"Hell, it's nobody's house!" she shouts back. "Neither you nor your Daddy have given one thought to this beautiful home your mother created! From day one, food rotting, the floors thick with dust. No, you and your father can do what ya want, but I am not going to disrespect your mother that way!" She sits back down in her seat and lays her hands on the new tablecloth.

AC - 1

Rosalee - 0

I lose.

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(ꈍ ‸ ꈍ✿)

More to come...

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