passing notes | j.jk

chapter 38

I didn't know why, but as soon as I walked into the classroom that morning, my eyes were instantly trying to find Jia.

Some part of my brain felt embarrassed that I was blatantly looking for a single person, but the other part of my brain couldn't help it. Especially with the way that she talked to me the day before, my conscience just couldn't let go of the conversation we had.

So, when I went into the classroom I naturally wanted to look for the person whose words were entrapped inside my head.

And when I did, they had to grow larger just to take in the sudden difference in her appearance.

Her hair was red.

A deep crimson color than when it reflected against the dim light of the room, looked like shards of garnet were infused into her hair.

And instead of her hair being let down or in a ponytail, it was curled into loose spirals over her shoulders, with the tiny wisps of hair still evident around ears.

As I tried to take in her new look in my head, a feeling of pain erupted in my lower leg, and when I looked down I saw Mingyu staring up at me with a crooked smile on his face.

"Stop being so obvious Kook, it's embarrassing," he whispered, and that was enough to make me realize what I was doing.

My face morphed into a similar shade of Jia's hair, and I sped towards my seat to avoid standing up any longer than I already had.

I shamefully took out my books for the class and stacked them on top of my desk, keeping my head low in case hints of color were still on it. I could barely think about how bad it would be if she would have caught me staring at her.

"Did you see her?" Yugyeom asked out of nowhere, and I turned to him, his eyes glinting with mischief.

I simply nodded my head, and he voiced his disappointment with a tsk.

"Is that you have to say? Doesn't she look pretty?" he said, nudging me with his pencil.

"Yeah," I said aloud softly, recalling the gem-like color in her hair. The image of the soft curls hanging near her face popped into my eyes, as well as the loose strands that still managed to escape and frame her face in an effortless way.

My cheeks filled with blood once more as I finally admitted to myself the fact that,

it was pretty.

However, when I saw Yugyeom's eyes grow in surprise and watch the corners of his mouth rise, I didn't take into account the consequences that would come with admitting that.

I slapped my hand over my mouth, but it was too late.

"You said it! I am so telling her!" Yugyeom exclaimed, a shocked laughter pouring out of his lungs.

"Yugyeom, I swear to god," I said, reaching out and grabbing the collar of his shirt, "Don't do it."

He stopped laughing for a second, caught off guard by me suddenly yanking him toward me.

"Jungkook, calm down. I'm not going to do it," he said, his facial features straight and void of the cheery emotion he had mere moments ago.

I looked into his eyes just to make sure he wasn't lying, and I nodded my head and loosened my grip.

He pulled away from me until I let go of him, and once he got back into his seat, he said,

"I'll just text her what you said."

I groaned and let my head fall onto my desk. I wished I could have swallowed my word back into my mouth.

"Yeah," . . .

Why did I have to say that out loud?

And once we got into lunch, that word was the only thing that Yugyeom could talk about.

And even worse, he mimicked the exact way that I had said it. The teasing was enough for me to make me think about running to Bitna's table, but they would have just dragged me back.

"You guys should have seen him," Yugyeom said for the third time, "He was so into it that he whispered it and wasn't even looking at me."

"He probably was imaging her face," Mingyu commented quietly, "Because he sure was staring at her at the beginning."

"Yah!" I exclaimed, my face already boiled over in which the color red could not even describe it.

"Everyone was staring at her today. It wasn't just me, so shut up about it already," I continued, effectively grabbing their attention for a few seconds before a few giggles slipped out of their mouths.

"What is so fucking funny?"

"Because you're so defensive about it," Yugyeom said, snickering along the way, "Like dude, everyone knows that you've fallen for her at this point except you."

Huh?

"What?" I asked, my hands suddenly going up to my face, "How? It isn't that obvious, right?"

"It is. The way you talk about her, act around her, everything having to do with her is obvious to us," he said, motioning to everyone at the table, "that you like her."

"Why is that so hard for you to accept?"

I don't know.

"I don't know . . ." I said, and my sentence trailed off.

But I knew very well.

I just couldn't accept that fact that she still implanted that fear inside my conscience, she who helped me learn how to give my heart to someone else, and she, who instead of shattering it on the ground, took her time to meticulously dismantle each piece of mine and crush it in between her fingers.

She was the reason, but it was me who held onto the thought that it wasn't real. That somehow, everything was a part of a bad illusion we lived in and that we could snap out of it and become happy again.

But it wasn't. It was real, living, breathing, and it had drawn out whatever I had left inside me and left me to be alone.

And that falseness was the cause of my own despair.

So, I knew very well.

I was just terrified.

But when I saw you in the lunchroom, with your new countenance drawing everyone to your spell,

I knew that I would fall in.

If only I knew that it would be that last time that I would see you,

Ivy.

A/N: so what do y'all think?

THE END IS NEAR OMG I can't breatHe

(but i need to write it lmao i've been having such a writer's block with this story) 

+ have a wonderful day/night