In Time

-Twenty Six-

14 April 2017, Friday

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I returned to the stone bench at Crestbridge Park at dawn, unloading my violin case off my back. I couldn't sleep for the whole of last night, as much as I tried. I plopped down onto the bench, staring straight at Crestbridge Lake straight ahead. I was going to confront Fate today. She mentioned that she controlled people's deaths, and something about maintaining the Balance. I needed to know what she had meant, if I wanted any chance of keeping Diana alive.

I looked at my leg hanging off of the bench. I had on the prosthetic sleeve that Diana had made for me, six cats watching the moon from a tree branch in the dark of the night. It felt better having a physical item, something tangible that could prove that Diana had once lived, and that we had once connected before. It was difficult trying to differentiate between what was real and what was not anymore.

I opened my instrument case and proceeded to set up my violin. Tightening the bow and tuning the strings. Diana had asked me to play her 'The Swan' before. I would very much like to play it for her again now, except that she wouldn't be around to hear me anymore. I took a deep breath and dove into the music. I could feel the memories that I had with Dad coming through. Only this time I didn't suppress it; I channelled whatever emotions I had into my playing, hoping that this time, somehow, my music could reach her.

I turned up to the sound of an applause, coming from a lady dressed in white seated beside me on the bench. It was Thyme. "Bravo, that was beautiful Xavier."

I put my violin away into its case and turned to face Thyme. "I'm here to see Fate. Isn't she around here in the mornings?"

Thyme snickered. "That sister of mine? She's down with the flu today, I'd be taking her place," she stated matter-of-factly.

There was nothing that could surprise me at that point, so I didn't probe further about the pathophysiology of colds in deities.

"Love's horrible, isn't it?" Thyme asked suddenly.

I closed my eyes, afraid that Diana would appear again before my eyes. "Yes, it's horrible. It hurts so badly. But what would you know about love? You're a deity."

Thyme scowled, apparently taking offence from my comment. But she relaxed her soft features as quickly as she distorted them.

"Xavier, I completely comprehend this pain of love that you speak of, for I had once too loved a human. His name was Alex," she reminisced fondly, her eyes staring blankly into nothingness. "Xavier, tell me, is there any point in being alive in a world where the person you love no longer exists in?"

"No," I answered without hesitating. I couldn't imagine waking up every day knowing that Diana had died, that I'd failed to save her. Yet at the same time, I wasn't sure if I could ever love anyone ever again.

Thyme let out an unexpected cackle. "So I was correct! Seems like you are just about as crazy as me when it comes to matters of the heart!" she slapped me uncharacteristically on the shoulder.

"Say, wouldn't it be easier if you could just proceed to death without having to go through this thing called life? Then you'd be reunited with Diana in death for eternity," she suddenly suggested, her eyes gleaming mysteriously. "It's simple really, just take a leap into the lake in front of us and don't come up for air. It'll be over, it'll all be over before you even know it."

I smiled, the thought of death was alluring, everything would end then. I wouldn't have to watch Diana die another time. It seemed like the perfect solution. I would be able to wash my hands of this world, this world that became crazy with all this time-travelling. Or maybe I was the only crazy person in this world doing all this time-travelling business. Death would bring me peace finally.

I opened my mouth to agree, but no sound would come out. I thought of Mum. How would she react if she found out that her only son had died, just a few years after Dad had left us? I'd experienced first-hand the wreck that I'd become after knowing that Diana had taken her own life. I couldn't imagine inflicting the same pain on Mum. And Jon, George, and Aus. And I was sure Dad would have wanted me to continue living too. It would have been too selfish of me if I were to choose to die.

"No, I'm not going to die just yet," I announced.

"An interesting point of view," Thyme perked up, her tone of voice robotic and unreadable. "So I suppose that you aren't tired of living yet?"

I nodded.

Thyme cocked her head. "Don't you get frustrated with fixing things all the time though? Like how you're trying so hard to keep Diana alive but people keep messing it up for you all the time?"

"Of course I get tired!" I shouted, reeling myself in just in time to avoid an outburst. "But seeing Diana alive front of me again is worth it, regardless of how many times I'd have to time-travel," I paused. "Even if I have to sacrifice my sanity for it," I added in as an afterthought.

Thyme smiled. "Very well, whatever works for you. But I have to warn you though, don't let time-travelling become an addiction. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to stop, and you'll be trapped in these two weeks for a very long time, even possibly for the rest of your life," she finished ominously.

I nodded in acknowledgement, too tired to care about the repercussions.

"I shall bring you back two weeks into the past again, seeing that I have all the time in the world," she laughed at her own joke. "But with each time-travel, situations will become more precarious, since we are tampering with the natural flow of time. How do I put it, take it that you'll have a price to pay for all these extra chances that you're getting."

"I accept." Precarious situations were literally the last thing on my mind right now.

I could feel my peripheral vision starting to cave in. 

"Thyme! Stop what y... are...oing at ...nce!" I heard a muffled voice calling out. 

I caught a glimpse of her black gown. 

I blacked out.  

A/N: I actually wrote the violin scene above with some reference to 'Your Lie In April'. It's an anime featuring two virtuoso students (yes, anime students are OP like that), one pianist and one violinist. "Will/Did it reach you/him/her" is an iconic phrase in the series when the players were playing for someone whom their cared about (MC's mother, MC's love interest). It wasn't a perfect anime by any means (I disliked the meaningless filler episodes where they introduced a pointless new character ._.) but I found some parts super relatable as a pianist myself :') and I bawled at some parts too (no spoilers!)

Admittedly it was quite difficult to write these two chapters where Xavier gets emotional and even 'psychotic' over losing Diana. I was actually going for the positive symptoms of schizophrenia (delusions, hallucinations, disorganised thoughts), and I thought that it would be interesting to explore the different 'personalities' that Xavier has within himself. Hehhh I happen to be a pharmacy student so I tend to slip in drug and disease references quite a lot >< Perhaps I can revise these chapters again after reading up more on the topic :)