In Time

-Twenty Nine-

8 April 2017, Saturday

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I plopped down onto the stone bench at Crestbridge Lake, unloading my violin case off my shoulder. It was the wee hours of the morning; I hadn't managed to sleep a wink last night. I opened my violin case, rosined my bow and did a quick tuning of my strings all without thinking. Feeling the familiar strings beneath my fingers and the lightweight bow in my hand, I realised that this could possibly be my last time playing. I'd quitted the orchestra and I didn't have any reason to play anymore. Not even for Mum. Not even for Diana.

No, not her again, I had to stop thinking about her. Skipping my warm up entirely, I dove straight into the fast movement of Czardas. I felt each and every running semiquaver in my fingerings and bowed strokes exactly, willing myself to keep up the accuracy and intonation of the notes despite the sheer speed. It felt good to have something to keep my mind occupied at last. I didn't want to think about anything anymore.

"Woah Xavier, is that Czardas you're playing? Isn't that a little too harsh?" a familiar voice interrupted my runs.

It was Thyme.

I stopped and set my bow on the bench. "I would like to speak to Fate. Isn't she here in the mornings?"

Thyme hesitated for the slightest moment. "Fate's still down with her flu, it seems to be a particularly resistant strain of virus this season," she announced without emotion.

"Oh, then it's okay. I'll drop by again tomorrow," I got ready to pack up.

"Xavier, do you have to be so cold to me? I can tell that you're troubled. Isn't there anything I can do for you?"

I massaged my temples, hoping that it would help me make sense of everything. "Yes, I'm troubled. I'm also very frustrated, angry and tired. I've had enough."

Thyme smiled. "It's only natural. Those are the withdrawal symptoms of time-travelling. And all those emotions that you're feeling, they're all stemming from the fact that you're unable to change anything despite all your attempts. Sorry but that's beyond my control. I only control time."

I snorted. "Yes, and that's why I wish to thrash everything out with Fate! I want to know what her deal is, and what's with the Balance that she'd mentioned."

Thyme froze. "What did she tell you about the Balance?"

I shrugged. "She didn't say anything. And that's why I'm here today."

Thyme heaved a sigh. "Oh, that's fine then. So, how's your progress been so far this time?"

I picked the hairs of my bow, trying to think of a way to describe the whole of yesterday. Or whatever day it was; I didn't care and time had no meaning to me anymore. "Absolutely horrible. It can't be worse. Everything is going wrong. And I'm starting to wonder if it was even worth it in the first place. Trying to correct mistakes and everything," I admitted.

Thyme cocked her eyebrows. "But isn't everything for Diana? That's why you time-travelled in the first place? To save her?"

"Yes, it still is."

"Then is it because of Jon?" Thyme raised an eyebrow.

I almost choked. "No. It doesn't matter if I become with friends Diana or if I end up with her anymore. I just want her to be alive. And happy. Even if it means that I'm not longer in the picture."

Thyme frowned. "Stop deceiving yourself Xavier, you're jealous. Love is selfish and you know that. And I totally understand. It's difficult to love someone who doesn't love you back."