In Time

-Twelve-

11 April 2017, Tuesday

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"Hey X, over here! You're late!" Diana snapped as she gestured to her watch. "You do know that being late is a turnoff right?" she mocked.

"Yeah, except that this isn't a date and I've got no one to impress," I rebutted too quickly as I hastened my speed. Well, maybe in the deepest depths of my heart, I secretly hoped that this was indeed a date.

Anyway, I was glad that Diana still treated me like a normal human being after yesterday. No sympathy, no pitying, no excuses.

She rolled her eyes. "Alright, let's get to it. Entertain me with your music please peasant."

"Why did you choose The Swan, by Saint-Saens?" I asked while setting up my violin on a bench along the walkway of Eastside Alley.

"My brother used to play that for me on the piano all the time when we were young. When he was happy and carefree, before he became a self-absorbed musical genius like he is now," there was a faraway look in her eyes.

The Swan was the first piece that Dad taught me to play on the violin. His chidings when I slacked off instead of practising, his lectures when I couldn't get the part right, his encouragement when I cried over my skinned fingers; everything was all too familiar. He was lying in the hospital bed, each of his breaths shallower than the previous and his pallid face smiling at me. I held onto his hand and asked him not to leave me, but he eventually closed his eyes and slipped away.

I played through the piece, monotonously, robotically. At many times, I could feel the emotions coming through, struggling to break free. But I forced myself to stay numb and not to feel any of it. All the memories, it was all too much. The bittersweet times that we spent together, the immense regret I felt for not cherishing our limited days and the moment I realised that Dad was gone and was never coming back. I didn't want to feel all of that all over again.

"Is that it?" Diana asked after I finished my last note.

"Yeah, did I miss something?"

"No, you didn't, my brother played it for me like that too. I just thought that maybe you were holding back or something."

How could she tell?

"Thanks for playing for me X, we should get moving to Crestbridge High now. Assembly is in fifteen minutes."

I nodded and proceeded to pack up. Her words still lingering in my mind.

"And let me know if you would like to play The Swan for me again. I'd love to hear it," she smiled.

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"Hey Xavier, are you alright? You look terrible," Diana asked as we walked through the gates of Crestbridge High.

No I wasn't. My left leg throbbed with every step that I took. I seriously wondered if I even had any more skin on my leg left to abrade.

"I'm fine," I lied.

Annoyed, Diana grabbed my hand and placed it onto her arm. "Stop lying Pinocchio. Hold on to me. If there's one thing you've yet to learn from therapy, it's to learn to accept others' help. Mark my words," she frowned.

I felt her arm from under her jacket sleeve, strong and unwavering. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, causing my heart to race as I held onto Diana. I didn't think she meant for it to work like that, but the adrenaline eased my pain nonetheless.