The devil has bangs

The Devil Has Been Born

On the first few days after my sister was murdered I couldn't stop throwing up. So I stopped eating. I couldn't stop crying and when I wasn't crying I couldn't breathe. Not like I was choking.. but like I was. Not alive. Therapist number 2 kept calling. I knew she would show up sooner or later, so I left my apartment. And never came back. I went and collapsed behind some apartment buildings and waited for someone to come kill me like everyone says will happen if you hang out in creepy dark ally's.

Instead

People dropped off McDonalds

Blankets

and well wishes.

God I hated this world. Nothing happens the way it's supposed to.

I ate some of the bread and slimy lettuce off the big mac but couldn't stomach anything more. I took the blanket and left.

I was pretty drained from crying and breaking things that weren't mine, so while I was going through the motions I decided to go into a coffee shop to get some energy back so I could continue this vicious cycle or whatever comes next.

It smelled so good in there. Coffee.The best smell in the world. I wouldn't even care if it went extinct. As long as I could still smell it. One of the few things I remember about myself before..

I stood in front of the door looking straight ahead, the brown monotone interior blurring my peripheral vision. The smell was so great, almost everything else became silent.I felt like I was floating, and floated to the counter.

I wipe my mouth and turn around.another dirty look from the cashier. Now I know how homeless people feel. I ignore her and try to point at the menu

"Small. Black" I croak and struggled to a seat.

Who comes to a coffee shop for black coffee? I desperately wanted something sweet or drenched in dairy, but at the same time I didn't... That sense of pleasure or satisfaction would just be.. conflicting.

The barista's dirty blond pony tail bounced with as much anger as she did as she brought over my order. I grab my cup right away, annoyingly realizing that it's too hot to drink. The first real emotion I've felt in a week. I dip my finger in the coffee to burn myself and listened to my sharp hallow breathing. Like a breathing machine. Like I was on life support.Waiting for someone to pull the plug. I was so gone, that was all I could hear.

"Hey, did you drop this?"

I sipped the bitter liquid and felt it give warm artificial life to my veins. The sweet embrace and buzz I desperately needed.

"Hey, did you drop this??"

A buzzing voice rips me out of nirvana.Everything except the steam from my cup comes to an abrupt stop as I look up ... quietly ... passed the 20 dollar bill in front of my nose.

To.

The most.

Beautiful.

Tier 5 human

of Tom Cruise I have ever seen

My other half, and possibly the last man that could have ever love me.

"No" I barely replied

He smiled "Then you passed" sitting down on the wiry black frame next to me "It's a test I do on girls to see if they're worth talking to."

..But I looked like a bum?. ..I was a bum. Maybe I looked like some hippy Tumblr model. I didn't really care at the moment. I looked at him weakly and intensely. I couldn't stop looking at his eyes. Dark blue. How is that possible? They were so beautiful.

"I ask if they dropped this 20 dollar bill. Worst case scenario I lose 20 bucks, best case scenario I meet a cool new..."

I don't get it. it doesn't even feel like I'm alive. I barely look it. and the most perfect guy is trying to ask me out? I want him so bad it hurts. Oh Abby. Can you believe it? My first boyfriend?

"Are you okay?" he smiled worriedly, leaning back from my touch.

I leaned back to. What am I doing? Every warm sparkly feeling dissipates and I reply with possibly the last human heart beat I had.

"No"

Watching him drift away, It felt like I was looking at him though a glass. Of a former life. A former future.A former ending. Like I was now in an alternate universe. ..because I was. The one where Abby was not. And yet no body cared. The world was already forcing me to move on. It was sickening.

And that's when it happened. I felt it. I felt the hollowness less and less. The world became cold again and started moving at a normal pace. I started to feel nauseous and I knew I needed to leave. Before I started breaking things that weren't mine. No matter how much I hated these wiry chairs.

It was the final stage. Suddenly it felt like I was falling.