The devil has bangs

The Devil Has Control

You might think by now that I'm a 'fucking tease'. What ever that means. Well fine, then I am. I provoked the guy you would say. You say provoke, I say reveal true nature. My mom used to say that dad provoked her to hit him by drinking. He would say that he drinks because she hits. I will never fucking know. But what I do know is that in the end, he can punch a fucking pillow. Scream into it. Jack off and cry. But no, me provoking him does not give him the right to rape me. So fuck you to.

The door swings open as I jump. Why do I always do that?

I'm finally back the the therapist office. After finding out that I almost killed an innocent man, I needed help on what to do about the girl that lied. Without revealing too much.

We sit down. This time she brings me tea. Maybe it's an apology.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable about your hair. But we are getting deeper into our topics and things are going to get uncomfortable if we are going to be able to get through them"

She says noticing my wig. 

"I just bought this. It's cheap that's why it looks it." I twirl the fake strands of neon orange hair around my fingers "I only wear wigs during my night job. I'm going to throw this away. I have 2 really expensive, nice go to's. Just wanted to show you what I look like."

"Well to be honest, you look like someone with something to hide"

She has a kind face. Shoulder length hair. Chestnut. She's not accusing me. 

"I'm not hiding anything. I'm already hidden." I look out the window.

"Like an underdog or?"

"Like a ghost"

Concern washes over her face. "From mourning.."

"I feel myself getting worse everyday.. and now I have this incident at work. I found out one of my targets was innocent"

"Did he die?"

"No. But I almost did. I feel so betrayed.." I exhale. Remember my sister. 

"But he was innocent. Isn't that a good thing?"

"For him. But I was close with the accuser. and now.. I want her to pay"

"Has she been turned in?"

"Unfortunately, that way wont work"

"What are you speaking of?.."

I'm so sick to my stomach. My head grows heavy as I clutch to my stomach. 

"I want to confront her. But I'm afraid it will compromise the case. But mostly.. that I wont be able to control my anger.."

"But that's not your job"

"I never thought this day would come. I've never had to hold myself back. Or question what is right. This does make things interesting"

She becomes scared but thinks deeply. "You came to me to help you with your anxiety. Anger can be linked to that so I want us to try a relaxation method that can help with both"

Scooting closer "I want you to close your eyes. Imagine you are in a dangerous situation. While it is happening I want you to focus on your weapon and how you are going to use it. Detach yourself from the situation and only focus on that. Breathe in through you nose and exhale from your mouth. Slow down your heart rate..."

The room becomes silent. From the blackness of my eyelids appears a red room.

"Until you are ready to attack"

I'm on a bed. My hands are tied and a shadowy figure crawls over me. Nose to nose. 

"Then remember these words 'I am powerful. I am the one in power. You are not my creator. You are not my destroyer." I am the one in power. You are not my creator. You are not my destroyerI am the one in power. You are not my creator. You are not my destroyerI am the one in power. You are not my creator. You are not my destroyerI am the one in power. You are not my creator. You are not my destroyerI am the one in power. 

You are not my creator. 

You are not my destroyer.