The Thorns of a Rose

chapter one

mom drives silently.
i watch out the window.
focused on raindrops.

slowly they trickle down.
racing down the window.
with no worries or doubt.

"margo." a loud voice
already set with intention.
she tightens her shoulders.

my hands scratch
the leather seat.
unable to stop.

my legs are shaking
uncontrollably.
fueled with anxiety.

my head is spinning
in endless circles.
trying to find stillness.

i take a deep breath.
letting the oxygen in.
holding it until it burns.

"there is only one option.
it'll be better this way.
you don't have much time."

i exhale a tired breath.
my body throbbing.
is it my body still?

i want this to be over.
i wish time could reverse.
i want to my old life back.

every time i think i can
go through with it but
heavy tears become me.

i cry for the thing in my belly
that will ruin my life with a
single breath and beat of a heart.

how will it ever know
the pain it's caused?

it will come into this
world unknowingly.

how could i knowingly
kill the unknown?

i get too angry about this.
this was my doing.
all mine.

i've ruined everything.
i have nothing left.
it's all lost.

i feel sick.
i feel gross.
i feel tired.

there is no one else to blame.
this is all my own fault.
my fault.

only mine.
i didn't want it.
but i let it happen.

i was too weak.
my body failed me.
there was stillness.

i saw the signs.
he preyed on me.
hunted me like game.

and yet, silence followed.
i only remained silent.
the silence consumed me.

it choked me.
it bruised me.
it destroyed me.

now, he took it all.
he took my voice.
he took my soul.

i have no heart.
i have no spirit.
i am just wandering.

he will always own a part of me.
he will never let me go.
i am his forever.