The Thorns of a Rose

chapter eighteen

i am almost fully recovered.
i am almost healed. 
i am almost okay.

there is no news,
on his sentencing
but that is expected.

his lawyers are
fighting hard, to
have this be concluded
as a mistrial.

but my lawyers are
fighting harder.
they do not want this
predator out free.

it's Christmas eve.
my favorite holiday.
a holiday for families.

my family is here.
my dad is here.
my mom is here.

everyone was scared
after the birth.
everyone thought
i wasn't going to make it.
everyone wants to
be together more.

the air is filled
with laughter.
the air is filled
with joy.
the air is filled
with love.

it's midnight.
presents are given.
i am handed an envelope.

my name is on the front.
my fingers open it carefully.
the paper feels delicate.

"dear margo,
it's been a couple of
weeks since the birth.
there's so much that
has happened.

we worked out
the paperwork.
we can officially
call her ours.
we want to let you
know how she's doing.

her eyes are beautiful.
her hair is curling.
her smile is like yours.

we given this a lot
of thought.
we hope you reconsider
our offer.
we would like you
to see her.

we know your story.
we want what's best
for both of you.
we think it's important
she knows where she came
from.

we want to thank you
for her name.
we think it fits
wonderfully.
we love our
little rose.

we hope you find peace.
we hope you find happiness.
we hope you find love."

my eyes are watering.
my chest feels light.
my heart feels warm.

there's a photo.
she looks like him.
my smile fades.

i cannot escape him.
even when he is hanging
in the balance of life with
no parole, he haunts me.

my mother, who does not
speak to me directly, takes
the photo to show the rest
of my family.

they coo.
they awe.
they cry.

i sit frozen in place,
feeling everything
around me fade into
nothing.

none of this feels real.
how can this be my life?
this will never leave me.

i grip the letter between
my cold hands, watching
the words blur with my
tears.

i am no longer strong.
i am no longer brave.
i am weak.

i start to hope that rose
can be the beginning of
something more.

i hope rose will be good.
i hope rose will be kind.
i hope rose will be sweet.

i hope rose will be
everything that he
wasn't.

i hope rose will have
the strength that i will
never have.