we are going to look at potential families. mom didn't want to.
there is no other way. i am not ready. i can't do this.
the closer i get, the more i sink and feel the pain.
29 weeks today. almost 11 weeks left. time is running out.
the waiting room. four white walls. large open windows.
it's scary being the only pregnant one here. longing eyes gaze upon me.
my tummy the target. this baby girl already wanted by everyone.
many don't have a choice. this places allow them that second chance for hope.
it's sad to see couples. eager to start a family. wanting the life of parenthood.
i feel guilty. i got pregnant when i didn't want to.
it was given to me. an unwanted burden that others find a gift.
people run out of time. eventually lose the spark. stop and move on.
but i didn't run out of time or the spark. i was unlucky.
we get called in. go over the basics. start looking at profiles.
one stuck out. like a flame, burning so bright.
there's one couple. they're young but not too young.
together for five years. they've tried many times but, the woman is infertile.
she remains positive. she doesn't let her light diminish.
he is patient and kind. he stays with her through it all.
two adoptions fell through. it would seem that the couple would just let go.
they continue searching. trying to find the one. trying to find their baby.
the first adoption, the girl couldn't let her baby go the minute it cried.
the second adoption the mom and the baby's life was lost at the hospital during birth.
it would seem like the universe giving them a sign yet i found them.
maybe this was the universe telling me i found something at the end of this dark tunnel.
this women she makes me feel strong. brave. fearless.
she's like a light. the sun on a bright morning. sunrays that bathe spring flowers.
i feel that i can finally do something right. if not for myself, for her.
i tell the them, "i don't need to meet them." "it's a good fit for the baby."
mom looks sad. maybe even angry. why?
"we don't need to make rushed decisions, margo." mom begins to cry loudly.
"this is what was meant to be" "i won't let them down." "she belongs to them."
i choose no further involvement. no contact information at eighteen. no disclosure of any information.
my hand finds my tummy. little one is dancing away. she needs something from me.
a memory. something to hold. something to keep.
"i have one condition. if they didn't mind. let me name her, please."
she will keep that from me. she's like a rose. rose.
her name is rose.
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hi beautifuls!
another update. i couldn't help myself. i just love this book and there is so much more to tell for margo's story.
also, i wanted to say that I recently published a new book called "nocturne of paris". completely different style and tone from this book, but if you're interested in checking it out, please let me know what you think. first two parts are up and the first chapter will be up at the end of this week. maybe even two or three chapters... ;)
thank you for those who have continously showed support for this book. i would love to start doing dedications starting in the next chapter!
