A Silent Lover

29. Imani(1)

"Eomma look! Appa is on TV!" An excited high-pitched yelling flows through the house and I jerk upright in surprise, the book I've been reading dropping from my hands as I join Jae on the floor in the living room, staring at our big screen and seeing TaekWoon's handsome face high definition.

Still it's not as good as seeing him in person and I can only lament over the fact that it's been two days since I saw him last. We had spoken of course but he wouldn't tell me what he had been up to and had only apologized for not coming home, saying that he had business to take care of.

Now here he was walking out onto a stage alone, his members strangely absent. I tried to recall if he had any sort of musicals or solo activities that he'd begun but I was drawing a blank and the location he was at was devoid of any sort of promotional info. Flashes from cameras are going off and the sound filters in strongly, letting me know the room is filled with more people then I'd first assumed.

I don't know what the occasion is but I'm instantly worried some new scandal has surfaced that is causing him to need to confront the masses. I stare intently and watch as TaekWoon sits down and pulls the microphone close to his face, listening as his calming voice resonates above the noise.

"Thank you all for coming today. My company and I have arranged for this press conference to address the recent media attention that has been highlighting my personal life. I'm here to answer your questions but please understand that because there was a child involved, I wanted to keep my current situation as quiet as possible for his sake. But now that the news has been spread I want to be the one to tell you exactly what's going on rather than you guys hearing rumors and speculation."

Tears come to my eyes as he finishes his address of the crowd and Jae turns to me with concern. "Eomma what is dad doing?"

"Your Appa is explaining to people about us." I replied softly and I pulled Jae to me, his confusion still apparent. "Watch Jae."

Reporters yelled out questions and somehow he was able to make them out well enough to respond.

"First, the fact that I'm married is the truth; wasn't isn't true was that I've been married for years. Our nuptials took place only earlier this year and my wife and I are extremely happy together. For those of you who were wishing us well, I thank you. To address our child, he isn't the product of an affair that I had secretly; he's our adopted son."

TaekWoon stared directly into the camera now rather than addressing the reporters in front of him. His eyes were deep and serious and I felt my heart give out a painful thump at the way he seemed to draw me in; LeShinSet indeed.

"As for our visit to the courthouse, we're currently in a legal case involving our adoption. His biological mother is suing for custody. A lot of people have been commenting about the issues with out of country adoptions and the toll they're taking on those involved and the Korean population as a whole. I can understand this perspective but that isn't our situation. I can't disclose full details but my wife and I are willing to fight for our son. I won't ask for your support but I will ask that you forgive me for keeping it a secret."

"For years Starlights have been only good fans, trusting and hardworking and have helped Vixx and myself become who we are today. I repaid your respect and thoughtfulness with distrust and I sincerely apologize for that. My intention was to put my family first but it was never to hurt anyone. If there's anything that you want to say, I simply ask that you leave my wife and son out of it; the fault lies with me only."

His piece said, TaekWoon stood up from his seat amid the yells of the paparazzi and the journalists. I had assumed he meant to leave as he walked to the edge of the stage but instead he bent at the waist and bowed his head. Hands folded over his stomach and his head lowered in supplication, everyone went quiet for just a moment before the room erupted into chaos.

Live comments ran along the bottom of the screen, the news channel's live feed posting fan comments and complaints. Most were defending TaekWoon and his choices now while others still reasoned that he should be kicked out of Vixx altogether. Others didn't care anything about the so called scandal and just had negative things to say about Korean adoption laws and issues. They scrolled almost too fast to read and I felt my head begin to swim at the thought that so many were weighing in someone's life and relationship as if they had a say in any of it.

I couldn't help that my first thought was anger. Seeing my husband bowing while he apologized for not giving out every detail of his personal life was grating on my nerves. No fandom, no matter how great they were, needed to know every bit of his private life. But when I thought again, I realized that he wasn't repenting for the fans or even to garner their support. Having it would be nice but everything TaekWoon was doing, what he had always done, was for myself and Jae. Asking for forgiveness because of marrying me in secret or having a child no one knew about wasn't what mattered to him. What was important to him was only that Jae and I be protected; his pride was worth little in comparison.

Somehow despite the billions of people in the world, I had found the perfect one for me. Suddenly I had a newfound appreciation of coffee and it's many benefits; if TaekWoon hadn't seen me in his favorite coffee shop, where would Jae and I be today?. The tears in my eyes threatened to fall when I thought of his sacrifices, of how he had managed to be everything that I had needed when I'd thought all along that I could do everything on my own.

"Chal bwa JaeHyun-ah, your Appa is the kind of man you want to become when you're all grown up."

I was lost in my own thoughts when I felt small arms wrap around my waist and a little body snuggle close.

"You're being quiet Jae, are you alright?" I teased my little man but his face didn't like up like usual. My own smile fell as I looked down at him, worried that I couldn't tell what he was feeling.

"Why do other people always get to decide whether or not we should be a family?" He whispered to me and I felt my heart clench in my chest, his words explaining our situation all too accurately.

"I don't hate the Kang lady, I get she was the one who had me. But she gave me up so I don't know why she wants me back; isn't that just being greedy?" I looked down at my son and asked him what he meant.

"It's just like what KyungMi ahjumma always said. Sharing and giving to others is what we should do. One time I gave a younger kid at the orphanage half of this cake I really wanted because he asked. After I saw him eating it, I kind of wanted it back but I knew it would be wrong to ask since I had given it away on purpose. Isn't it the same thing?"

I'm too shocked to respond for a minute, not quite realizing how he's able to have made this sort of connection on his own; the comparison is even similar to the one Song gave in court. I wonder if maybe my baby isn't too smart, but then I push that aside and start trying to figure out what I should tell him.

"When grown-ups make mistakes, sometimes the outcomes are bigger and worse than we ever expected. Those bad feelings can get piled up until we try to fix the thing we did before. Sometimes in the middle of trying to fix what we broke, other not so nice things can happen too. You're so very precious JaeHyun, way more so than a piece of cake and it's impossible to let you go. That's why me and your Appa are doing everything we can to keep you with us."

Jae nodded as if he understood but really who could truly get all the mess we'd been through in this year. I barely got it myself but there was little I could do or say that would bring comfort. The future was largely unknown and the best thing I could do was love my family and will that the universe wouldn't see to it that we were split apart.

A/N: Oh gosh I didn't realize angst was so fun to write but it is!!! Y'all this is coming to an end and for those of you reading on both sites, the full will be posted there but here there is a part 2. Please wait for that to be published as well and then this story will be coming to an end as well. Thanks so much for almost 5k reads, I'm super happy this has done so well! Much Love, <3