Story Reviews For The Reviewless (On Hold)

The Last Sophian Review

Author of the story is SentryCod

The Last Sophian is a story about the last surviving member of a clan (I don't recall if it was stated or not) called the Sophians when her so called normal life comes crashing down when some strange stuff starts happening on her 18th birthday. The story itself is interesting and the author has unique writing style that I don't see often. I think checking the story out could be worthwhile as the story seems to be picking up pace leading to what I can only assume as a clash amongst two opposing factions (That's all I'll say cause I don't want to spoil.) So go check it out!

This segment is mainly for the author to see but feel free to see what I had to say while reading the story, maybe it'll entice you.

Prologue : The "And ran for her life" at the start sounds odd with the "so she ran." before it, I think you should try rewording it to help it flow better. The arrow is said to hit a tree inches away from her face, then stated to be barely a centimeter. I know it's exaggeration, but it would work better to not say the inches one and instead just imply the arrow is close to her, sort of say how she heard the arrow fly past her ear or something. Interesting start so far, you only had some minor issues that I pointed out, but so far everything else seems fine.

Ch. 1 : "No this is not the mission were you finally prove yourself" should be where. Besides that, there seemed to not really be any mess up. So good job! So far the story seems pretty interesting and I wonder what exactly is gonna happen next.

Ch. 2 : Why does she hide the pendant if she has had it since the care center? Shouldn't the foster parents be very aware of her having it? Jesus a bump caused all that physical damage? What is the girl made of? Glass? I'd imagine spraining would be realistic, as that just happens from stepping wrong, but blood and all that? Did she just flat out twist her ankle 360 so the bone is pointing out? You say "Everything had the stopped" I don't think you need the the, also paragraph below you say "this aren't cobwebs" I think you mean these? When you say "bumped into ourselves" I think you mean each other.

Ch. 3 : You say the last of twice. You suddenly bring up the A.S.S even though no one mentioned it, nothing was said to hint towards it, you just explain it for no reason. I suggest at least saying one of the girls did something or something along those lines to explain them. I thought she didn't want unwanted attention, hence why she didn't pull the sweater off until making sure the coast was clear? Seems odd that she suddenly shoves the thing in her bag like she doesn't care anymore. I recommend going through the chapter and fixing any mistakes you find, as this chapter seems to have quite a few typos.

Ch. 4 : The chapter has minor flaws that a quick read through can solve. Also that roast Diane did was brutal, jeez, so brutal it caused physical damage... to herself. Overall you seem to have a interesting story going on, and an intriguing way of writing it. I say you are doing quite a good job so far.