Story Reviews For The Reviewless (On Hold)

Knight's of Lore Review

Story created by Illness_of_Mind

Knights of Lore from what I read is a futuristic medieval fantasy taken place after common era. It features a myriad of characters off the bat such as Akiio, a emotionless emerald beauty, Jet, the team leader, Lax-Rim, the fun loving strong boi, Mae Lu, a timid but trustworthy girl, and Kiriah-Belle, a girl who seems to get unlucky with her confidence. The story is great, though it suffers from the normal mistakes such as spelling mistakes, phrasing, etc. Honestly I recommend the read, and give the author a vote. The story seemed to have effort put into it and I'd hate to see honest effort have no recognition

This segment is mainly for the Author of the story to read and see what I had to say about the parts I read. Feel free to look it over if you want.

Prologue: Fairly decent, tends to use the same word again though making the reading feel a little repetitive. It starts off with a glimpse into the end type beginning.

Ch.1 Pt.1: So far the story seems to be a futuristic medieval fantasy scenario. I feel like dragon people, or dinosaur people will have a common occurrence within the story. "Jokingly with a grin" If the comment is said jokingly it would be implied that they are grinning. Sometimes less is more. A quick reread could fix minor mistakes. It is stated that Lax-Rim grew impatient, but then followed up with another character commenting about how he is impatient as always. I feel like stating this takes away from the line. Some things should be implied, not stated OR have another character bring it up naturally. Not every detail should be made apparent, just enough to leave a bit of known with a taste of unknown. It was stated that the mana skeleton enhances strength... multiple times. You don't need to restate that the mana skeleton enhances attributes again and again. Five student knights took on a task that apparently even true knights struggle with, and with great ease too, benefit of the doubt they could be really skilled, but even if they were, a school sending a bunch of kids on a suicide mission is pretty strange. Parts were repetitive such as constantly stating people's hair colors and such. Overall though it was a really good chapter that only needs a bit of touching up. I could envision within my mind how the team skydived and slid down the building and such. Great beginning.

Ch.1 Pt.2: There seems to be a sudden quickening of pace from the first part. Aswell as more errors such as extra words and misspells. Again I state, sometimes less words is more. The line "The attack had left the creature badly wounded, black blood oozing from it's destroyed right side, exposing it's core that had been greatly damaged." May be improved if instead was written like "The attack had left the creature badly wounded, black blood oozing from the destroyed right side, exposing its greatly damaged core." See how most of it is the same, but a few words were taken out to make it flow a bit better? Though this can be considered more personal preference. A quick reread could solve some of the issues present within the story. It goes into a long explanation about how Lightning Blade is taxing on her, restating it quite a few times. Kariah-Belle says her and Akiio had the most remaining life force, but it was previously stated that Kariah-Belle didn't even have enough to keep her armor and would have died on impact to just a fall, how could she have kept fighting? "We wreak of sweat and I'd like to wash this near death experience out of my Skin" I love this line. Though it's reek, not wreak. Overall this chapter seemed to have more mistakes than the first part, but it was still a nice read and the group overcoming the creature at such unlikely odds was a nice battle and had moments where I envisioned how the characters were doing these feats. Also making it so they had to actually fight instead of just basically shredding the Evilbarer is good, since they pretty much blew through the minions. Overall nice second part!

Ch. 2: The third line has a mistake, it should be hole, not whole. So Lifeforce is the world's greatest alternative to coffee, bruh sign me right up! Mana has some interesting uses. I feel like you should find more ways to describe Kariah-Belle than just young woman. Again a simple reread can fix some issues. I wouldn't really say sparkling eyes is suited for concern, they seem more excited than anything with that description. Ok the Lax being dense line was really nice, props to you. Also you explain a lot, but never give a reason why Akiio has scales? I mean, is she wearing armor, is she a lizard girl? Why scales?!? You state twice that students float as they please. Well damn, I kinda want to know about the poor soul who had to figure life force depletion out. Ok I know I pointed out using other ways to describe Kariah-Belle, but caramel skinned is not that good when used repeatedly. Sometimes a simple her, she, they, can suffice. Interesting bloodline idea, with different bloodlines having different traits. I don't understand Akiio's advance class explanation fully, she was the only one in advanced classes amongst the advanced class?!? I think some rereading and rewording could help that line. Nice calm chapter after the excitement of the last one, and less mistakes than the first.

Ch.3: A great section of the chapter is the same as the end to the second. Not even like a couple lines incase people forgot, multiple paragraphs. I suggest figuring out where you want the text to go and put it on either chapter 2 or 3 as people rather not reread the same thing they read from the last chapter.There is a slight difference at the end which is actually shorter than the end of the second chapter. Please figure out which one you intend to use. Another mention of the rebel group, and it's mentioned in the same way that Riah is a bad luck charm when she gets over confident. I don't think adding acronyms is a good idea, if you want to say I'm Just Saying, it may be better to just say that instead of I J S. You say Biohuman like we should know that. There's a bit of repetition on the wind scythe bit. The three way battle was good. You seem to keep adding more and more info each chapter, and it feels as though it's piling up. Some of the info you don't even explain, like bio human, and skills. Or the fact that there are hybrids, like how they exist? Or is this like they always did? I am just asking cause at first I thought this was a futuristic medieval dystopian future. Good chapter overall, even if a good portion of it was the same as the last chapter.

Ch.4: I actually have nothing to say about this chapter, it was short in comparison to the others, but brings in a mystery with the new boy on the block. Nice little chapter.