Shattered

Chapter 18

            I sighed as I sat in an interrogation room waiting patiently for an officer to come and question me. The room was small and cold with a table, two plastic chairs, and an empty water dispenser as the only furniture. The walls were dull gray and starting to fade in certain places and crack in others. There was one window in the room and it was open just enough to allow a faint, pleasant smell of moisture into the room. The sun's rays had started to fade away, but I didn't care. All I cared about was talking to an officer and learning my fate. Whatever that would be.
I couldn't remember if I had shot Tyler or not because after the gun went off, I blacked out. Everything was cloudy and the last thing I remembered was Gia's bloodcurdling scream as I walked out of the room. Part of me hoped that I did shoot him. After all, he deserved it for leading me on like he did.
Finally, the door opened and an officer with auburn hair, gray eyes, full lips, and a neatly trimmed beard walked in. He was tall and muscular with cream colored skin, but his face was stone cold as he sat down across from me and stared at me for a long moment. He cleared his throat as he looked down at the file that he had in front of him.
"October Richards," he said, his voice was calm, but his eyes were cold as he looked up at me. "Age 19. Date of birth is July 23, 2000. Interesting. Sorry for the wait."
I said nothing.
"Okay, let's get down to business. What happened today?" he asked. "And don't lie to me."
"Lie?" I echoed laughing. "I have nothing to lie about."
He studied me before saying, "Then tell me."
"I shot him. Simple."
My honesty and emotionless answer seemed to take him by surprise and it took him a few moments to regain his cold composure.
"Why?"
"You seemed shocked by my answer," I said smirking.
"Please just answer my questions. The faster you answer my questions the faster you'll be out of here."
"Wouldn't you shoot someone if they broke your heart? If you found out that they have been lying to you and leading you on the whole entire time you were with them?" I asked staring at him.
"No. I wouldn't. I would think about the consequences," he answered.
"Of course you would have. You've never been in that situation, Officer Young," I said scoffing.
He eyed me and said, "You don't know what I've been through in my personal life and this is not about me. This is about you. You seem so emotionless. Like you have nothing to lose."
"Because I don't have anything to lose," I answered. "Why are you questioning me? Just lock me up already."
He sighed and folded his hands in front of him before saying, 'I can't arrest you because no one was injured and Tyler decided to not press charges against you."
"What? Why?"
"I can't tell you the answer to that because I don't know myself, but you should consider yourself lucky. A pretty girl like you doesn't deserve to be in jail."
"Lucky? Pretty?" I echoed. "There's nothing lucky or pretty about me and I don't need your pity!"
"October, you are free to go with no charges against you. That's lucky to me."
I shook my head and leaned in close as I said, "If I was so lucky, I would be behind bars right now."
He stood up and sighed heavily before saying, "Leave. Go and repair the fragments of your life. You've been given a second chance."
"Who said I wanted a second chance?" I asked walking out of the room.
I walked down the hall and into the lobby of the police station where Gia, Tyler, and my mother were waiting anxiously.
"October!?!" my mother shouted running up to me. "Are you alright? What did they say to you? Do you have any charges against you?"
"No, she doesn't," Tyler answered from across the room. "I didn't press charges against her."
"Well, you shouldn't have! You put her through hell and led her on! It's a wonder she didn't kill you!" my mother yelled.
"I put her through hell?" Tyler echoed. "Let's not forget the hell you've put her through. Beating her. Calling her names. Threatening to kill her! Must I go on?"
"You did the same thing," I said turning to face him. "That makes you no better than they were."
He stared at me for a long moment speechless before shaking his head and saying, "I hope you have a wonderful life."
"Wonderful life? You ruined the wonderful life I thought I had. Thanks to you, my life is in shambles. I'm shattered because of you. I hope you're proud of that. I hope you can't sleep at night from countless nightmares of how you've treated me," I said before walking outside.
My mother joined me a few minutes later and hugged me before saying, "Everything will be alright. Come on, I'll take you home. I have dinner waiting."
I just shrugged and got in my car as she started it and pulled off.
Everything will be okay? My life is in shambles and I'm leaving one hell hole to go back to another one. How will everything be okay?

~O~

"Well, here we are," my mom said as we pulled up to the house. "Your father is at work."
"I see," I said getting out of the car.
"October, wait. Don't walk away just yet."
I turned to face her, but I said nothing.
"I can't say much of anything that'll make you feel better, but I love you."
I still didn't answer as I turned away from her and walked into the house. I walked upstairs and paused in front of Matthew's door as the memory of what happened that night entered my head.
I wonder what the damages are now?
Open it and see.
I reached for the doorknob, but thought better of it and walked into my room. My room was completely different than I remembered it. There was a new coat of seafoam green paint on my walls, my carpet flooring was replaced with hardwood, and my bed was much larger than my old one.
"Same room," I muttered.
Just different bars.
I sat down on the bed and stared at the floor. I jumped when a black journal fell to the floor. I picked it up and studied it as my mother walked in.
"I found that in your brother's room. There are drawings in there and a few sentences, but I can't really make sense of it," she said.
I opened the journal and the first thing I saw was a small paragraph.

She got quieter, her nights got longer, her blades got bigger, her sleeves got lower, her meals became smaller, she got skinnier, her music got louder, and no one noticed. Or so she thought.

"He knew what I was doing," I whispered looking up at her.
"How could he have known that? You kept it well hidden and you always wore clothes that were too big for you."
I stared at her before saying, "They weren't too big for me mom. They were the clothes that I had after losing so much weight. You never noticed because you were strung up on drugs."
"Don't remind me," she muttered looking down. "I hope you don't go down the same path I did."
"You mean do drugs? What reason would I have to do drugs?" I asked.
She sighed heavily and leaned against the wall before saying, "I know you're in pain. You will search for anything to relieve the pain. Whether it's self-harming or taking drugs, but let me tell you. Once you start taking drugs it's almost impossible to stop. I've almost overdosed multiple times. I'm not going to lecture you about it, but please don't go down that road to dull the pain."
I stared at her before looking back down at the journal.
"If you get hungry, dinner is in the stove. I'm going to take a nap. I have to go to work in a few hours."
I said nothing as she walked out of the room and down the hallway. I turned the page in Matthew's journal and gasped when I saw a drawing of two arms with deep cuts on both wrists. In the background of the drawing was the silhouette of a guy. Underneath the picture was a sentence that said...

Be careful who you trust. The devil was once an angel.

I turned the page again and my heart stopped when I saw another picture. This one was a picture of me crying with broken angel wings. I studied the picture before looking at the sentence that was under it.

She's an angel with black wings and a crooked halo. She has fallen from heaven and been through hell.

I closed the journal and stared at it as anger came over me.
You knew what I was going through this whole time.
I frowned and threw the journal across the room before saying, "You knew, but you never came to me! You said you'd always be there for me, but you aren't! How could you watch me go through hell!?! How could you not guide me!?!"
Thunder rumbled in the distance and I shook my head as I buried my face into my hands.
"You left me alone," I whispered as tears spilled down my cheeks. "You left me when I needed you most."
Rain started to fall and I curled up into fetal position. I knew I wasn't going to sleep tonight, but I still begged for sleep. After what seemed like hours, sleep finally took over and I faded into darkness.