A Love For Keeps

Family

(WANG GUHAO)

I heard the door on Dayu's room closing so I turned to see my son looking down and guilty as he stood in front of me.

"Here," I pushed a first aid kit on Qing's chest. "Go to my office, your mother is waiting for you there..."

Qing's eyes gloomed upon hearing the word "mother". "She will kill me, Baba. And she should kill me..." my son said.

"And I will hide your corpse so the police won't find you, you bad boy." I curled a hand on my son's head to touch the back of his head. "Talk to your mother," I urged him. "Not with anger or dissatisfaction or anything. Talk to her like a son should talk to his mother."

Qing sighed before he nodded. "I'm sorry, Baba. I don't know what came over me..."

"The very devil came over you." I said. "And it's about time you unleashed it. I am not absolving you on anything, you have to say sorry to a lot of people and make up for your mistakes but since we are not blameless, I am giving you an easy pass." I smiled at my son.

"You are not to blame on any of this, Baba." Qing said.

"Maybe. Maybe not. But that doesn't matter...what matters is that we need to do something to fix it. And it will start if you will stop stalling and just walk to my office and get to your mother. Go on now..." I turned my son to the direction of the stairs and push him towards it.

Qing gave me one more unsure glance before he moved to do my bidding. I watch with a smile on my face as my son visibly took a deep breath before marching to go to my office.

I wish my son and wife will finally end whatever this competition they think they are having and just look at each other like how they used to before. A mother and a son...

                     ..........................

(QING)

I stopped in front of my father's office, took another breath, count to ten, breath again and then close my eyes to send a little prayer before I turned the knob to open the door and sauntered inside the room.

I found my mother sitting in the long couch, her back ramrod straight and her demeanor the total opposite of relax.

That's when I realize that like me, my mother is nervous. She is also scared. And I made her that way.

Fucking great. They should totally hand out the "best son" award to my brother right now because I think I am close to giving my mother the nervous breakdown.

I messed her up so bad. She messed me up so bad...we are close to being strangers to each other.

And that's the saddest part of this story. That I am slowly becoming unfamiliar with my mother and she to me as well.

And I called her a bitch. Let's not forget about that one point.

I look down to think again if I still deserve to be her son. I am scared to answer that very question. After that truly ugly scene in my grandfather's office, I am not confident to say that I still deserve my family.

I sniffed and look up to see my mother staring at me with sadness in her eyes. My vision blurred as I remembered that she is the only woman I will ever love the best. Because I am gay and I will love a guy...not a woman.

So for me...my mother will be my only lady. And I hurt her over and over as she did the same to me.

I forced myself to move to where she is sitting so I can sit on the same long couch, a good distance between us. I put the aid kit on the center table before I leaned sideways to lay on the long couch and put my head on her lap.