More

chapter 1

  Life has changed in a different direction since 5 seconds of summer. For instance I got an apartment and although it's not the cleanest at the moment I've got a balcony! I got a legal job, haven't dated anyone but my three dogs are my children. Cheech, Calum, and Nala. It's legit as if I have three loud ass kids, oh which I found out I can't have! So. Yeah. Life is doing good right now.

The only person I really miss is Calum, hence my great Dane. He was the only one I felt like I was closest to. We never really fought and he was always, always there for me. It's not like I don't moderately catch up on them to see how well everything is going. It's been roughly two years  and a lot apparently has happened. Although it is the media which sucks but I never actually got their phone numbers.. Except for Luke's which I deleted as soon as I got home. Plus I've had received a couple texts from Carrie. I guess Calum and apsley became a thing, Carrie never spoke about luke, and only other things I got was "we're fine, we're in New York, Japan..." Haven't seen anyone since, but I've been able to actually make some new friends.

"So I was thinking, there's this huge party that Ashley Graham is having that we" Jessie shrugs and smiles "are obviously invited to, and guess who is fucking performing!!" She squeals looking to us.

We wait for longer than necessary, "are you gonna tell us or ju-"

"5 SECO-" My heart, just drops. Instantly her voice is blurred as I just stare into space. My head spinning and I can feel as the saliva in my mouth begins to feel thick, and as my throat tightens I put on a smile. As the rooms fills with four girls screaming in excitement.

"Oh my God!" I say my voice shaky, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom to cry!"  I joke, forcing a slight laugh and get up from the bed.

As I walk to the nearest bathroom in Nikki's house I slowly start to feel my chest tightening. When I looked down my hands were shaking, quickly I bring them up to my chest, intertwining them. Having the job I do I should've known this was a possibility. No one knows that I knew them at one point and fuck me in the ass if it doesn't stay that way. By the time I reach the bathroom, I close the door, lean on it and bend over.

There was nothing more real when I said I never wanted to see Luke again, I had to see therapists, and kind of had a small alcohol addiction for a bit.  I'm more mad then anything, I acted like such a child when in reality I should've kissed him and told him how much I missed him. Let him know that I'm figuring my shit out and maybe I did love him, that's what the therapist said. But I didn't, and even if he did still mentioned the Ashton thing we could have talked. He could have know the truth.

"Hey you ok in there?" I hear with light tapping noises. "Do you, like, hate them, or something?" She asked and I had only wished that was the case. Taking a deep breath I stand up and open the door.

"I'm fine, I'm just so excited and anxious!" I smile, looking at Cara and hoping she believes me.

"Good because we want to be front row, you know they have groupies" she giggles and bites her lip. I roll my eyes, they do love to fuck.

The party was in two days and in these two days I will go over every possible conversation and scenario in my head. I will be prepared for any situation that can happen, and hopefully it won't be that bad. It will be nice to see Ashley. Calum. Would they even remember me though? In a way I have changed, not my attitude much but everything else.  I'm having anxiety just thinking about seeing them.

As Cara and I walk back to the room I hear very familiar voices. The three girls are sitting on the bed, Youngblood playing. "Can we change this?" I ask grabbing Jessie's phone to change it. "I mean were seeing them in two days... And I know damn well all of you know the songs" I joke, changing it to panic at the Disco.