I wanna feel love

I wanna feel love: Part 5

John was relishing his moments of closeness with Freddie having him in his arms when he heard the phone ringing from downstairs. He gently and very very carefully laid Freddie down in his bed trying not to wake him up and slowly dragged the covers on him.

Despite the phone ringing, he took his time and caressed his forehead with his fingertips and felt that his fever had been reduced. He gently kissed his cheek and then closed the curtains before tiptoeing to the door.

He answered the phone and then went to his room to pack his suitcase for his journey. He didn't feel so excited about this trip anymore, he preferred to stay here and take care of Freddie. Maybe he could visit his family one of the upcoming weekends, next month perhaps. He wasn't sure about that either.

He got down again and called Veronica. He explained to her why he didn't make to visit her earlier in the morning and was relieved to hear that she wasn't hurt for standing her up nor angry. They chatted for some minutes and John promised to visit her as soon as he would return. She was a nice girl and he liked her. As a friend.

When he started dating her, about four months ago, Freddie was already behaving differently. He had turned into an introvert and that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing to John, thinking he himself was one if Freddie's attitude wasn't that larger than life attitude; that John adored seeing. So considering that, it was a bad thing.

'He is deeply preoccupied with something and he doesn't want to talk about it, at all.. he is more reserved than ever and his effervescent self is nowhere near. I wonder what's eating him up..' he thought as he entered his room again.

His suitcase was half ready when he found a two-year-old picture of him and the boys, among his t-shirts inside one of his drawers. He remembered that day very clearly. It was a strangely warm day during March '71, some months after their acquaintance and they had gone for a picnic in a small forest outside Surrey. Freddie was wearing a tight, light blue, satin pair of pants and a short-sleeved satin shirt, in the color of the August full moon. He looked stunning.

'Stunning as always' John whispered.

They all had a gorgeous day, that day; they laughed at Roger's half-baked apple pie - his only responsibility for the day- they laughed when a gadfly got trapped in Brian's jungle hair and all of them forgave Roger for letting them starve when they heard him say " Oi Bri! Do you think it's better to be a gadfly or get bitten by one?"

And of course, he had a great day cause he spent it sitting next to Freddie or hiking next to Freddie or laying on the grass beside Freddie's constant complaints of dirtying his clothes. When they returned home it was late evening and John had offered to do Freddie's laundry. They all had dinner together - made by Roger with Brian's help 'just in case' as he had said-

At the end of the day, Freddie walked John back to his flat cause "you're only twenty, darling! You're so little! What if anything happens to you?" but John felt too flattered to complain; though he knew Freddie would also be in trouble if anything happened to them, on their way.

'Freddie is always protective towards me... I just wish I could protect him from everything that tortures him and causes him so much pain and discomfort' John was brooding over his friend's behavior. 'He feels lost and he needs help, standing back on his feet' he thought, zipping his case.

The doorbell startled him. He put the photo on his pillow and rushed downstairs to open the door. He wasn't eager to see the person behind it. Not that he didn't like that person, he was jealous of that person.

John and Mary had never been close friends. They were hanging out with the same people very often but it was never just the two of them. Therefore, there wasn't much to talk about with her. They hardly ever addressed to each other directly and it was always Freddie who initiated any talks between the two of them. Much to John's delight, they weren't seeing each other as much as they were a year or so, ago. She had stopped spending every night in Freddie's room and John was happy he didn't have to leave his room at 2 or 3 in the morning in order not to hear them making love. In fact, she hadn't been in Freddie's room for over a month.