I wanna feel love

I wanna feel loved: Part 8

The heavy downpour had stopped, it was only drizzling now but the continuous rumble of the thunders made it evident that this was only temporary.
Freddie put on his coat and his square-heeled boots, blew a loving kiss to John who was still sleeping on the couch, took his umbrella and minced down the street as if his tight, black, leather pants were a perfectly fitted catsuit, made especially for him.

"Like a cat that actually enjoys being wet.." he chuckled.

John had kept him in his arms all night long and he had felt safe and protected, after a long time. 'Is it possible..? Could John like..me? Could he be gay? He wouldn't stay there, all night if he didn't feel anything for me..would he? Why would he stay if he doesn't feel anything for me?' he asked himself again. He didn't know what to think.. 'John was there..with me. All night long.'

He had to do something.. 'My God! Did I get a crush on him already?' he wondered as he entered the first shop.

He had decided to go shopping, on the spur of the moment when he finished his bath. Some new, fancy clothes.. perhaps he could try and stimulate a long glance or a compliment from John.

He tried on several pairs of pants, before buying two of them, which both were skin tight but at different textiles and colors. He smiled contently at his image when he put on a pair of pants in a warm burgundy shade, velvet one and decided to buy it, at once. His smile grew bigger when he thought of John's look seeing him wear them. The second pair was made of black latex. "Is it too provocative? too slutty, dear?" Freddie asked a woman who was staring at him, but he needn't really care for her answer. He saw how gorgeously they brought out the athletic shape of his body so, naturally, he bought them.

He peacocked in front of the full-length mirrors to give a full view of his body to all customers, wearing each one of them just like a peacock that funs out its magnificent feathers when more people are around and he even made a small bow to thank the people for watching his special performance.

He still had to find out if John liked him not just as a very good friend but liked him- liked him...and he prayed his instinct was correct.

'Why did he get aroused if he isn't into me? ...into men?' he kept asking himself.
'Do I have to show him that I'm gay? Of course, I have to... somehow...show him. Or better, I have to tell him.'
'I also have to learn more about his relationship with Veronica... how are they getting along with each other?'
'Besides, why didn't he go to her place last night and stayed with me?'
'..and...' he paused to swallow 'Why did he tell all those beautiful, amazing and sooo poetic words to me... if he doesn't feel anything for me? You don't speak like that to a friend... I couldn't imagine Bri or Rog talk to me, the way John did..'
'I didn't even thank him...for them' he sighed.

When Freddie left the shop, it had started raining again. He, nonetheless, chose to walk to the small Asian restaurant instead of getting a taxi. He had, recently, found out that walking in the rain was actually quite relaxing and invigorating to him -though he wouldn't dare leave his umbrella behind and ruin his hair-.

'Maybe I should come out to him after I ask him about his relationship and.. or before I ask?' he thought.
'Oh! maybe I'll ask Rog or Bri to ask him about Veronica.. after I come out to them, first.'
'What happens if he doesn't like me back and all this was a misunderstanding?'
'Maybe I have to come out to him and then... maybe he'll come out, too.'

Freddie shook his head.. too confused to keep his thoughts in order...

"I'll come out to him.." he sighed "and.. if he's gay.. I'll tell him that I like him. The real question is 'does he like me?' " he mumbled, as he slowed down his pace. A flicker of desire flashed across his face when he whispered again, "I like him... oh my God! Two days ago I wouldn't imagine of coming out.. and accept the fact that I like guys and now...I like him! now look at me!" he grinned.
"A new me!" he laughed loud enough for an old man to hear and turn his head to stare at him. But Freddie didn't care... he put his umbrella down and clapped his hands twice to congratulate himself.