i found you .. and you found me // Thomas Shelby

16- better off

"I'm better off without it, I'm better off bein' a wild one... on the road, a lot, had to keep it a thousand, in fact, I'm better off, not being around ya," -Ariana Grande-Butera

Since Tommy read the letter, he hadn't been the same. He closed himself off, he cried when he was alone and he went back to the booze. He found himself drinking away his sorrows over yet another loss. The loss of Giorgia.

It made it worse that she wasn't dead. With Grace, he could shut himself off and come to terms with the fact she was never coming home.

But it was different this time. Giorgia was coming home, at least that's what she'd said. He had to be patient, he had to wait.

He didn't want to wait.

So, instead, he found himself with a new whore every night, dumping Charlie on the maids or relatives and doing his thing.

Lizzie Stark had always been a regular, but now she practically lived with Tommy, on hand whenever he wanted a quick shag. She didn't mind, he always had a lump of cash for her when he was done.

Everyone had noticed the shift in Thomas' behaviour, but Lizzie of all people had noticed the most. Being in his company and being on the receiving end of his frustration and temper, she could tell he was grieving for a woman who wasn't even dead.

Grace barely propped up in conversation, if Lizzie didn't know any better, she'd say he was over her. Of course, that wasn't the case, he still missed his wife, but Giorgia had stolen that burnt and broken heart of his. Grace broke it, Giorgia fixed it. He started to believe he had finally found his soulmate, but who was he kidding?

Thomas Shelby with a soulmate?

It made him laugh thinking about it.

He turned the letter over in his fingers, the paper wet from tears he didn't even realise he was crying. His attention was brought back when he felt a small pair of hands on his face, wiping away the tears that left his eyes.

Tommy smiled lightly down at Charlie, the little boy situating himself on his father's lap and curling up into him with his teddy in his arms. Running his hand through the little boy's hair, he rested his head back and felt his sons curls through his fingers, the sensation drifting the little boy to sleep.

Once he had fallen asleep, Tommy carefully placed the little boy down on the sofa and put a blanket over him, his small form curled under the warmth. It made Tommy think about what could have been with Giorgia and if they would have ended up having kids together, maybe a little girl, who would undoubtedly have her beautiful dark brown eyes and blonde hair. Although the thought pained Tommy with the what-ifs, he still had hope.

At least a glimpse of it.

Walking into the living room faced with his sister, he saw her working hard, as per usual. She was the only Shelby to have knuckled down at school and actually work hard, yet she still skipped school just as much as her three older brothers, constantly wanting to stay with them and smoke, or get up to any trouble they were involved in.

She sure was the Shelby sister.

Sitting down on the chair, he let out an exasperated sigh, reaching for his drink when Ada didn't acknowledge her older brother's presence. "Did you do what was on your list, Ada?"

"You and your fucking lists," she mocked, her attention still to the piece of paper beneath her.

"Did you?"

Finally acknowledging her brother, she looked up to face him with a sigh. "I spoke to an old friend of Freddie's. He's a Communist Party candidate for Balsall Heath, I asked him about the Birmingham branch of the National Vigilance Committee," she explained. "He said he'd heard the Soviet Embassy was getting information from the inside."