"I hate that I remember, I wish I could forget, what you did last December... you left my heart a mess, boy you blew it, how could you do it, do it, oh yeah," - Ariana Grande-Butera
Christmas morning was one of happiness, smiles, tantrums over presents the kids didn't want, and why one sibling got more than the other. It was about gratitude and thankfulness for your children, for the ones you loved and for seeing through another Christmas. It was about endless amounts of food and alcohol, laughter and tears.
It was about family.
But, on the 25thDecember 1924, the six baby Shelby's would wake up to screams of their step mother and the sight of their father ridiculed with bullet holes in his chest. Their family Christmas was no longer about happiness and family – it was now associated with death, misery, trauma, and blood. Lots of blood.
Whilst Esme screamed for her husband to wake up, all the while Michael penetrated with the bullets that ripped through John's soul, Thomas and Giorgia Shelby would be lay in bed with their two children after being interrupted during a morning of intimacy and unholy things that would make the Devil smirk. One of Gia's many Christmas presents, Tommy had said.
But as they watched their babies open the presents from their stockings that Santa had oh so kindly left them (and by Santa I mean Giorgia in a Santa hat, which Tommy took a fond liking of), the phone rang to deliver the news that John Shelby had been murdered.
It was Gia who answered the phone, and once she heard a screaming Esme for help, she needed nothing more than to hand the kids to the maids and go to the scene herself. She'd seen Tommy speechless, she'd seen Tommy traumatised, but she hadn't prepared herself for what was sat next to her the whole car journey to John's house. He hadn't said a word, just picked at the skin on his hands and shed silent tears.
He knew.
Once arrived at John's house with police and an ambulance having beat them to it, Giorgia and Tommy were pulled back by the authorities as they watched John's body be placed in a body bag. Even from the distance they were, they could see the damage to his body. Giorgia only hoped it was instant.
Esme's screams had kept Giorgia up most nights, alongside Tommy who refused to sleep a wink. Gia had taken John's kids in, knowing that the four eldest had now lost both their parents. Katie, the eldest, who was only thirteen, was now an Orphan and had the responsibility of looking after her five younger siblings.
It wasn't long ago that John had shouted at his eldest for a stupid reason, and Giorgia hoped – no she prayed – that John died knowing his kids had adored him.
Tommy and Arthur had gone to the morgue to see their younger brother whilst Giorgia consoled young Finn. He, out of all the Shelby's, was the most traumatised. He was the only male Shelby who hadn't seen the flames of war, and he didn't know what it was like to live in a Shelby world. Polly had always said Finn was too innocent for the family, and she was right. He cried and cried, shouted, smashed things – true Shelby style – and had leant on the Italian girl in his time of need. He was only seventeen, still a baby.
Gia hadn't kept track of how many hours her husband had been gone, but she knew that he needed all the time in the world, and it was something she was prepared to give him. When Giorgia's brother, Riley, had been killed, she went into a state of denial, anger, guilt, loneliness, desperation and need. Her brother had been killed by the Russians many years ago, and though she rarely spoke nor saw her family, they were her bloodline.
With the youngest Shelby slumped in her lap, Gia stroked Finn's hair softly and shushed him gently, holding him as close to her as she possibly could.
"Does it get any easier?"
His voice was so faint Giorgia couldn't hear what he said, but it was the crack in his voice that startled the Italian girl. Leaning down and pressing a kiss to his head, Gia ran her fingers through his hair once more. "No," she sighed, "it doesn't."
"Your brother," Finn sniffed, "he d-died, right?"
"Mhm," Gia agreed, "he died a long time ago. Russian business."
"And what about now?"
"What about now?"
"Does it still hurt just as much?"
The Shelby boy was breaking her heart.
"Some days, no. Others, yes. The world will never stop spinning, Finn. When there's a tragedy, you take your time and grieve, deal with it how you wish – but the world goes on. People go back to work, people return to school, go about their everyday. You think the world owes you something when someone you love is taken so cruelly, and you want the whole world to experience how you feel. It'll never work like that, my love. Only you know how you feel. And what you're feeling will be different to your brothers and sister. Similar, yes, but different. And no one, and I mean no one, can tell you otherwise. Okay?"
"You have a way with words," Finn chuckled lightly, pulling himself from Giorgia's embrace.
"Lord knows I've had my fair share of grievances," Gia smiled, wiping Finn's tears with her thumb. "Time is the best healer, my sweet. Okay? But you have to let it take it's course. Tomorrow could be a better day, but it could also be worse. But it's a new day, and it's important to remember that. We'll move on, we'll continue with him in our hearts and minds. Our John Boy hasn't gone anywhere, not really. You know what those boys had to do out there?" Finn nodded slightly. "Then you know that they all died out there, every single one. Everyone who was out there, is now living on borrowed time. Including me. Our John wasn't afraid to die, but he was afraid to leave behind his lifeline. The boys will want you to step up and become him. They'll want you to fill the void. But you, my boy, are Finn. You're not John, and you never will, nor have to be him, you understand?"
"They already know I'm useless at all this, cause I didn't fight."
"That doesn't matter. Those boys were drilled into shape out there, made to believe that everything had to be done this way and that way, heck there was no time for mistakes or mishaps. One wrong move could have killed the whole fucking platoon and they couldn't afford that. Once the war became their reality, there was no snapping out of it, even when they came home. Their life is based on orders, regulations. Yours isn't. And I will stay by your side and help you through this, and we will do this your way."
"Thank you," Finn sniffed, wiping his eyes. Standing up, Finn wrapped his arms around the American girl and hugged her tighter than anyone had ever hugged her. She was a mother, she was a sister, a daughter, an aunt, and a wife. Finn needed her, Tommy needed her, and no doubt the remaining Shelby's would too, and it was her responsibility to see it through.
"Mumma!" Isabel squealed, sat in the doorway looking up to her mother and uncle.
Pulling away from Finn, Gia took his face in her hands and lowered his head down to her lips. Walking over to her daughter, Gia picked her up and settled her on her hip, pressing kisses all over the one year old's face. Hearing the giggles escape her daughter's lips, it was a reminder that the world would always move on, and there was always a purpose in the darkest of lights.
Isabel had stretched her arms out to Finn who gladly accepted his youngest niece into his arms. "I suppose we'll be going back to Small Heath, right?"
"That's right," Gia agreed, "would you mind packing some things for Charlie and Issy while I ring my bastard of a husband?"
Laughing lightly, Finn pressed a kiss to his niece's cheek before nodding at Gia. "Oh and Finn?"
"Yes?"
"We love you."
"You too, G."
YOU ARE READING
i found you .. and you found me // Thomas Shelby
Fanfiction"Me and you, we're not all that different," he says while his icy blue orbs reflect in her dark eyes. She looks away, sipping her drink while contemplating what came next. "I think we both died at some point and now, we're living in borrowed time,"...
