i found you .. and you found me // Thomas Shelby

17- almost is never enough

"Almost, almost is never enough, so close to being in love... If I would have known that you wanted me, the way I wanted you... Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart, but right here in each other's arms... And we almost, we almost knew what love was, but almost is never enough," -Ariana Grande-Butera

The news of Arthur Shelby becoming a dad was news Thomas was not expecting. He knew Arthur had his dreams, but he never thought Linda would be the woman to make them come true. 

Saying that, and despite their differences, Tommy knew that Linda kept him stable, even if it did mean he had become God's best friend.

But, as always, Giorgia would have told him in her sweet American accent, 'Thomas, one day you'll realise that God is a woman'.

It was days like this where Tommy found himself thinking about her. She'd been gone two months and every day seemed to get harder. They say time is a healer, but he didn't believe that. All he wanted was for time to stop so he could believe for one second that she was there with him.

He never shared a bed with her, but he often found himself rolling over in the night expecting her to be there so he could wrap his strong arms around her and cherish every moment. He would wake up with an empty feeling in his stomach and an aching heart knowing she wasn't with him. 

Thomas had given her one of his shirts which was of course too big for her, the white fabric sitting comfortably above her knees. She'd sprayed it with her perfume, his favourite scent, and he couldn't deny that he slept with it every night. He hadn't even known she'd done it until he went to bed the night she left and smelt her, his heart stopping momentarily. He had no animosity with Giorgia, in fact, he understood more than anyone why she left, but his heart wasn't prepared for her to leave. 

He lay in his ridiculously large bed toying with the shirt while his son played by his side. Charlie missed Giorgia, always asking his father when she was coming home. The words never came out right at the best of times, but the question he had been dreading the most was finally asked.

"Daddy?" Charlie asked, playing with his toys.

"Mm?" Tommy hummed, still playing with the material in his hand.

"When mummy coming home?" 

Tommy froze at the words. He hadn't been able to explain to his boy why Grace wasn't coming home, scared of what the boy would say and scared of how Thomas could explain it. 

When he spoke, it became real, and Thomas still didn't want to believe that. 

"She's not, Charlie. She's never coming home," Tommy sighed, looking to his son briefly who stared up at his father with his big blue eyes.

"But you said she'd come home, that she's only gone for little while," Charlie asked confused. For a three-year-old, he was incredibly clever.

Thomas sat confused, the same expression as his son before he realised that he wasn't talking about Grace. 

He was talking about Gia.

"You mean Giorgia? When is Giorgia coming home?"

"Yeah, mumma Gia," he smiled happily. 

Thomas looked to his son with sadness in his eyes. Although the thought of Gia being Charlie's mother was something that warmed his heart, he couldn't help but feel guilty. Charlie missed his mother greatly and though they still looked through photos of her, it was almost like Charlie didn't even recognise her. 

"She'll be home soon," Thomas said unsure, stroking his son's blonde hair.

"Mumma Gia will come home and make dad happy again!"