GROWING PAINS

TWENTY-FIVE

I sniffle as I cry my heart out. I miss them. I long for my mother's touch. I want her to hold me and pull me into her arms like only she can.

I miss my father, before he was in pain or before he cheated. I miss his jokes and kisses.

Brandon kneels down beside me. He pulls me close as I sob quietly on to his shirt.

"Shhh. I've got you, love." I settle in his embrace until I've calmed myself down.

Eventually I pull away and I just stare at their gravestone. My dad was buried first and then my mother on top of his coffin.

-

I walk up and throw my rose petals on to my mother's grave. The teddybear that I've clutched so tightly, throughout this funeral I finally let him go.

I cry all alone with the pastor as they bury my parents. My grandparents are already dead. My aunt's and uncle's are non-exsistent.

My mother never had any friends, I was all she fully had. My father gave her his divided attention as it had to be split between her and Sabrina.

Sabrina attended some of the funeral but was to broken to stay for the rest.

It all just felt so soon.
-

I sniffle as I take a moment. Brandon says softly, "Come on." I stand up as he leads me to a new stone.

As soon as I identify the name I gasp. No.

Emma Laxas. Gone to soon. Rest In Peace.

The tears are falling down my cheeks. I place my hands on my mouth as I whimper.

Brandon pulls me close to him. I whisper, "Why? Why did she end her life?" He sighs, "Because people are affected by other people. Emma's life was far from perfect. She just felt like she couldn't cope anymore."

I whisper, "This is all my fault. This is what happens when you treat people as if they don't matter. You undermine them, break them and hurt them to the point that they feel the need to hurt themselves.
Hurt people, hurt people. I cannot even apolagize for it. It's to late. I'm to late."

Brandon sighs beside me, "She forgave you." I furrow my eyebrows as I turn towards him, "What?"

"The day of graduation we were talking about High School. I rememeber her sighing and saying, Savannah has a tough life. Well at least from what I know, there's a lot going on in her home without her knowing. People are never just bullies for no reason. There's something deep inside that is killing them slowly. She'll come to her senses, at some point. But I hold nothing against her, she's a good person. It just takes soft eyes to see it."

I exhale as the tears keep falling down my cheeks. I kneel down while sobbing in front of her grave.

"I'm sorry." Is what I keep whispering.

-Later-

Brandon and I are currently on our way back to my house.

We both remain silent throughout the journey.

I lean back on the seat and shut my eyes, absorbing his words.

Then it hit me.

How does she know so much about my family? As far as I can rememeber, I've never spoken to her about my family.

Brandon places a gentle hand on my thigh. "You okay, love?"

I nod, "Yeah." He nods. "I'm proud of you." I glance at him, "Thank you." He nods.
We stop infront of my house. I hop out of his car and walk inside my house.

I watch as his car pulls out of the driveway.

I open my fridge and frown at it's emptiness. I need to go groccery shopping.

I grab my bag in search for my purse. I groan as I remember that it's still in my locker at work.

I hop into my car and make my way to Mark's Cafè.

As soon as I arrive I see that Cindy is busting tables and lifting up chairs.

I walk inside and make my way to my locker. Once I've retrieved my purse I'm about to walk out until I hear soft sobs come from Mark's office.

I know I should keep walking but the next thing I know, I'm knocking on his door.

There's no response except the sobs. I open the door slowly and Mark doesn't notice me.

I ask gently, "Are you alright?" He almost jumps up as he frantically wipes his tears.

"Yes, what are you doing here?" He roars back. I blink, "I forgot my purse here, so I just came to come get it."

He nods and sighs. I sit down on the chair in front of him. "Had a rough day?" He sighs, "Yes."

I nod, "Me too." He glances up at me, "What happened?" I'm taken back by his sudden soft voice.

I sigh, "I er, went to the graveyard today. I uhm, had to say goodbye to some people."