Chapter: 24

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October 10th 2018

Leilani

My shift was over now.
Jasmine and Emaza were waiting for me.
I wanted to say bye to Oscar but he didn't even look up at me when he was talking to his friends and laughing. He had such a beautiful smile.

I bit my lip as i watched him.
Again the girl was so close.
He didn't pull away.

I was trying so hard not to over think this.
But I wasn't very confident to begin with.
I sighed as I walked out the Taco shop.

I was quiet in Emaza's car as she drove us to the mall. All I could think about was Oscar and that chola. She was so hot, and so is he.

"Am I hot!? Do I have a nice body?" I blurted out as the car parked.
Jasmine and Emaza looked back at me.
"You're beautiful." Emaza said.

"And I'd kill to have your tiny ass body." Jasmine said. I nodded my head "thank you."

"Is it wrong that doesn't make me feel better?" I said as we got out the car.

"Where's this coming from?" Jasmine asked.

I shrugged as I looked down. "Did you see that tatted chola with Oscar and the guys?" I asked.

"Yeah." They both said as we walked into the mall.

"She's pretty She fits with him, I don't." I sighed.
God I feel like shit.

I wanted to shake this feeling so badly.
People told me I was beautiful all the time but that never changed how i felt about myself.

Oscar really intimidated me sometimes.
He actually was beautiful.
I'm so in love with every part of him.

But I can't seem to shake these insecure thoughts.
I miss when things were simple when we were just friends, it was easier that way.

Now I'm just afraid to lose him.

"She doesn't fit him." Emaza said as she looked through the dresses. "I think you look cute with him." She smiled.

"Yeah, it's cute how his scary ass face softens up when he looks at you, that cholo loves you." Jasmine smiled wide at me. "One day ima have it."

"Tyla had it then I took it, what if that girl takes Oscar, you know the saying." I sighed. "You lose them how you get them."

Jasmine and Emaza just stared at me then at eachother. "I think you're over thinking it." They said at the same exact time.

"Try this dress on." Jasmine said as she shoved a tiny red dress at me. "Why?" I asked.

"For homecoming, you should ask Spooky." She said.

I grunted. "See that's the thing, I'm this lame little high school girl who has school dances and shit." I said as I shoved the dress back.

"What's wrong with being in high school and having dances?" Emaza asked as she grabbed the dress from jasmine and handed it back to me.

"Everything, Oscar is a grown ass man, he wants a grown ass girl, I'm literally a tiny little baby." I could feel my face sinking.

"He's twenty, he's not that grown." Emaza said rolling her eyes. Jasmine nodded violently in agreement.

"It's growner then me! How long till he wants someone more experienced." I was honestly making myself feel worst.

I walked into the dressing room to try on the dress.
"He loves you Leilani!" They both said.

I opened my dressing room curtain and walked out to look in the mirror.

"That dress is perfect! Santos red! Oscars gonna love it." They both said.

"I'm not asking Oscar to go!" I frowned at my dress.
It was pretty but I couldn't bring myself to like myself right now.

"Leilani he's your boyfriend." Jasmine said.
"For how long?" I mumbled.

"Forever! What does he have to do to prove to you he loves you, look at everything that's happened." Emaza tried to convince me but when your mind starts to fuck with you, there's no getting out of it.

"I don't know, it's just I feel like I'm not enough." I said as I walked back into the dressing room and started to undress.

I walked back out with my clothes and the dress.

"What if he doesn't like having to help with my brothers, and the fact that I'm in high school?" I asked. "What if I'm not exciting or fiery enough?"

I handed the cashier the money for my dress.
"I don't think it's like that." Emaza said as Jasmine pulled us to a shoe store.

"We haven't talked much lately." I said. "He didn't text me at all these last three days."

"No offense he's a drug dealer and he runs a gang, he gets busy." Jasmine shrugged.

"Oh I understand that but how hard is it to send one text?" I said.

Jasmine and Emaza were quiet.

"Why don't you talk to him about it?" Emaza asked as she handed me my size in the heels I wanted.

"Because I'll look stupid." I said as I put the shoe on.

"Nice as fuck." Jasmine grinned as she looked at my feet. "Thank you." I smiled.

"Look at you accepting a compliment." Emaza cheered. The mall was closing now.

We had gotten our dresses and shoes, we agreed to come back tomorrow to get the rest of the stuff we needed and to look at costumes.

"He didn't even text me at all, he was still at the taco shop when we left. He probably didn't even care I left or notice." I laid my head on the side of the window.

We passed Oscars house to get to mine.
He was outside smoking with his friends.
Sure enough the chola was there right next to him.
I sunk down into my seat.
I'm losing him.
---
End of chapter.

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