I-A-D-O-R-E-Y-O-U ✦ Grayson Dolan

14-Dragon Fruit

*Three Months Ago*
Each step I take towards the plane the more Depression fills me.

All I wanted to do was just lay in my soft bed at home with my husband next to me and my babies asleep in my arms.

But no all that I know was being torn away from me.

My heart had fallen to my stomach as I stop in front of the doors that only went one way.

No matter where they led anywhere away from my family is hell.

I couldn't breathe looking them in the eye. Violet was cuddled up in Jacks arms in one of Graysons sweatshirts.

My baby girl laid in her car seat. Landon was in his daddies arms.

Struggling to move I walk towards Violet.

"Hey bunny momma has to go for a while I really hope you remember me." I say letting a few tears shed.

I move her hair back and kiss her forehead as she sucks on her thumb.

I walk over to the car seat getting on my knees to look at my princess.

I pick her up pulling her to my chest. No words come out of my mouth no matter how hard I try.

Sobs come out of me. I let out a scream of pain. I pull her closer to me. Her little hands grab onto me.

Grayson drops to his knees beside me. He puts Landon in one arm and moves back my hair to kiss my forehead.

I take Landon from him. I hug the twins tight in my arms.

"Please don't grow up without me." I whisper so only they can hear me.

I put Ellie back in her carrier and give Landon to Grayson.

I get back on my feet wiping the tears.

Looking to my left I walk towards Wes. His arms rap around me whispering goodbyes we pull away. I turn my head to Camron a small smile appears and I run to him.

"Shit Nova your gonna make me cry." He says to me. I gently laugh and he chuckles.I pull away and smile once more.

I look to Jack. My best friend that always takes care of me.

A tear escapes my eye as he pulls me into a loving hug.

"Jack what am I gonna do for advice."

"I trust Emma with you Nova please take care of her she hasn't be through this before and she... she's pregnant." Jack whispers I hear a crack in his voice.

Jack cared so much for his pregnant fiancé. I understood why and I understood I had to help her.

"I promise." I say pulling away and he kisses my cheek.

Then my last resort. My heart shattered looking him in the eye. I had to suck it up to not make Gray feel bad. He never does anything to hurt me. He always wanted me safe.

"Write down everything so I can read it when you get back." He says.

"I don't wanna write down things I wish I could say to you." I whimper laying on his shoulder.

"Fuck I love you." He cries into my body.

"I love you too." I say pulling him closer then ever.

"What the fuck am I gonna do?" He says.

"Give it your all and that means everything Gray." I say looking him the eye.

I place my lips on his tasting... dragon fruit. I smile at the taste.

Pulling away my tears fall but I put on a smile so I can get on.

"See you soon." I tell him

Emma pulls from jack looking at me with a sad face and tears.

I give her a smile and she runs to me.

I hug her and we walk to the doors together.

Before I make it in the hallway.

I turn my head back to my family.

"Bye guys." I wave

"Bye babies." I say in a childish voice.

"Adiós mi amor" I say to Grayson turning my head to the new journey ahead.

I move forward.

*Now*

"Fucking ow." I cuss holding my eye. Black liquid spills on my hands.

"Hahaha your fucking eyeliner broke." Emma laughs walking through door.

"Bitchass." I says directed towards her.

"At least I'm not so stupid to set fire to my eyeliner then put it on right after not even waiting for it to dry." She comes back at me.

I scoff taking a makeup wipe and rubbing the black off me.

"Screw makeup" I say knowing it was never my strong strut.

"I told you. You look better without it." Emma says curling her hair.

"Maybe I should listen to you." I confess.

"No shit."Emma says pulling her shirt up to show her stomach and takes some stretch mark butter on her palm rubbing into her belly.

I turn back to the mirror and move my finger tips over my black under eyes. I sigh know it's from limit sleep. Without him in my bed I haven't been fully sleeping.

I toss and turn all through the night.

The only thing getting me through right now is music. I've helped Emma out of the majority of the time. She is mostly upset for Jack not being here for the pregnancy.

I've gotten small amounts of contact I got a 'I love you' message on a burner phone.

Tony says he is busy and it's dangerous for us to contact him.

The guys are laying low.

I get pictures in the mail of the kids since they are also tracking my phone calls.

Me and Emma do something new every week to distract ourselves.

My bipolar disorder is slowly making its back to my surface. I'm trying to fight it off but it's pushing.

I just hope to god I can make it back to Grayson soon and the kids.

I know it's not health depending on them but they are kind of my lifeline.

Everybody needs a lifeline.

Mine just so happens to be a few countries away.